End of year 2010...

Wow, cant believe it is actually the end of 2010 already. In 4 hours, it will be the beginning of a new year. New start...Well, time to reflect back on the important events this year. Hmmm...Well,the start of the year was horrible with my manager giving me mental torture on the way he handles the team. Besides that, the amount of bonus for this year was very dissapointing. The next suprise Digizen in Technology has is the re org. Everyone was suprised with the announcement. Then I receive the news that my manager is leaving. Yes, "finally" ,thats what my heart says. The arriving of new manager to handle my team was kinda of hard to accept. Being a person that is difficult to accept anything new, my mind was set to "I dun like him at all. Please f**k off if you cant show your abilities to be my head". Well, i against of everything he said. Every single thing at first but as time passed, I need to be "hipokrit" to survive. I need my manager to help me in my career path, my appraisal so it is time to accept the fact that I have to live with him and be nice to him.Well,I finally fit in and comfortable. And just when I feel comfortable with everything, there is this manager approach my manager to request me to join her team. Lady boss....omg..but her team is doing something different from my current team.Due to I want to change my job scope, I want to enhance my technical knowledge, I decided to join her team. Yes, my team members classify me as "traitor". Even my manager also think in such a way. I am sorry but I need to move on , to add market value to myself. If you are in my shoes, u will think the same way. So 2010, I have gone through 3 managers in total. As for relationship, there are times I cried and cried due to arguements with my bf especially on the preparation of the new house conflicting with my ipoh trip. Luckily , everything was ok due to we love each other and dun want to give up on the relationship. I think that is what makes the relationship grow stronger. After everything we went through, we finally decided to tie the knot next year. I was still young but was ready to settle down due to I am very sure he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Ok, resolution list

1) getting registered and married. Registered on 27 Feb 2011. Married on 30 Oct 2011.
2)enhance and add market value to myself by proactive in all my tasks/projects
3)I want to buy house....
4)I want money money money for marriage
5) Money again to buy gold for my nephew, niece, younger sis
6)Bonus
7)I need to slim down!! Cant fit into wedding gown
8)I want my wedding pics all nice
9)Stay healthy
10)Cook more variety for my future hubby.

Feeling happy

yo, it has been months i last updated here. Yea, reading back my previous post i realised that I was sad that time therefore causing me to rant a lot. Anyway, things are very much better now. Work..hmmm...not much to say but lots of things to do and learn a lot of new things.There was a decision to be made whether I would want to extend my knowledge but I am still considering. There is a rival at work which makes me really pissed off but life just have to go on. As for relationship, er..not badlah...so far I am happy. There are always ups and down but it is those challenges that make the relationship stronger. The shouting, yelling, crying , it is something essential in a relationship. Money is always a problem. Never enough. Why why? After two years of working, I still earning very little only woh. How ar? Get married and depend on husband? Nah, I dont like the idea of depending on husband. Need to be independent. When can I earn a lot of money. I tired of looking at the account book seeing that my saviings never grow. How can it grow when I start to save some and then I use more than that amount after a few months? I start to freak out already on this as the people surrounding me is saving a lot of money but I on the other hand, money keep reducing..Haih...

Ranting again...

4 weeks din update blog. What to do? I no longer got time to blog during my lunch time. Time is fully utilized nowadays till there is no time to read newspaper online.Workload was very heavy compare to last time. Ask me whether I am happy about it, I am neutral because I learn a lot of things compare to last time but there are sometimes, i get very stress up. Being someone who doesnt have good social skill and my "pretender" skills totally zero, I think i offended a lot of people when I am in bad mood. I admit I not those type easily get along with, and recently, I been having some problem with certain people. The higher your hope, the faster u feel disappointed.What I want to say your action reflects your attitude.Well, hell yea, i feel insecure, I have no idea what is on your mind.i wonder sometimes whether I am important to you. So ended up, I keep crying and crying each time I think of you. Who wants to go endure this kind of pain? What the point of crying?Yea, my rational mind knows it is not use but I just a normal human being. Not a machine which have no emotions. I feel lost, dont know what to do but extremely sad. I know life have to go on, therefore I wonder if going for a break will helps. As usual, budget very tight but I can still afford to go near place for two days, one night. Still got enough annual leave for that. Where should I go? Genting Highlands?

Time to change

Re organisation already complete. New ways of handling things,processes therefore it is time to accept new challenges. I am not sure whether i can do it but will try my best.I learn new things quite often so I am quite happy.During this transition period, there are many things to be done therefore the working hours fully utilized. Looking forward to deal things in a different way.

There are times...

There are times when I feel like crying ,
There are times when I feel that I'm breaking down,
There are times when I feel that it is end of the world,
Thats the time, I wonder where are u?

There are times I feel there is empty place in my heart,
There are times I feel so sad that I feel pain in my heart,
There are times I feel that everyone is against me,
Thats the time I need you to be there for me

There are times I feel that I am being left out ,
There are times I feel I am all alone in a dark alley,
There are times I cant find a way out of my problems ,
Thats the time I need you to stand by my side supporting me

There are times people crashing my heart with hurtful words,
There are times people stabbing me on the back,
There are times people start to hurt me with their actions,
Thats the time I need you to comfort me and hold me tight

Do you know who/what I am referring to?

Just On time

I think i wanna thank God for helping me. I was going to have some financial issue this month due to the car insurance and road tax. Tot want to "ikat perut" already since I have settle everything from my credit card bills, room rental, parents allowance+car loan, car insurance and road tax and last weekend is Windsir warehouse sale. I bought bedsheets, small bolster, bolster,curtain ,mattress protector, and even some lingerie. This has cost a lot and all paid in cash. Seriously broke but quarter performance came in just on time to save my financial issue. Yes, I getting bonus for this month payroll. Yay!....Thank god, thank Digi for helping me out!

One word- it is all about love

I think the title says it all...

If I had to live without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh, so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong

Our dreams are young and we both know
Theyll take us where we want to go
Hold me now, touch me now
I dont want to live without you.

Chorus 1
Nothings gonna change my love for you
You oughta know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
Ill never ask for more than your love.

Chorus 2
Nothings gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through but nothings gonna change my
love for you.

If the road ahead is not so easy
Our love will lead the way for us like a guiding star
Ill be there for you if you should neeed me
You dont have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are.

So come with me and share this view
Ill help you see forever too
Hold me now, touch me now
I dont want to live without you.

My mum is not the world greatest mum but she is no ordinary mum

Somehow, I like the sound of the title. Haha. Mother's Day is coming soon and it falls on 9 th May 2010 this year. I will be going one week before that due to I want to spend longer time with my beloved mummy. If you really love your mum, Mother's day is just any other day. You dun need to go celebrate it on that day so I will celebrate with my family this coming weekend. For this special lady, she seriously is not an ordinary mum because to me, she is very special on her own way of raising her own children.Eventhough my younger sis is spoilt, but my mum was very strict to me and my elder sis. There was once a close relative ask me " is your mum very strict to you and your sis?Your grandma was extremely strict with your mum last time".I replied " Nah, my mum loves both of us a lot, so not so strict with me and my sis". The truth is my mum is those "ganas" type of mum that will "rotan" her children till you feel embaressed to go to school with those rotan marks on your hands and legs. Scary,right?Nowadays, this kind of agreesive act will be classify as "child abuse". That was what came to my mind and my elder sis mind too when we were small. Haha...As you grew older, you will realise that it is all for your own good..thats what I think. I wasnt an ordinary child or those goody goody type when I was young. In fact, I was very naughty and rebellious type. Each time I did something wrong, I ended up kena rotan till my hands and legs full of those rotan marks. Sometimes,my mum even left me in the dark and dont allow me to go back to my room. I do hated my mum for doing that but I was scared.In order to go back to my room to sleep, I need to say "sorry" and I really mean it when I say that. My mum will definitely forgive me and comfort me back. Each time also the same thing happen.As days passed, I really learn my lesson. Who dont have flaws? I remember once, I refuse to study, my mum "rotan" me again at night and force me to study. How I have hated her for that but if I havent do what she ask me for, can I have such good grades? I wasnt those smart student so I ended up in second class when I was in standard 5. My result was getting worse and my mum find all ways to improve my studies till the extent I went for personal tuition.My result shoot up till I got sixth in the class. Even the class teacher was amazed. Thank you, mum. I was pretty naughty when I am in Form 4. Mum so angry at one time, she even cut my hair. I cried and I cried as the haircut was horrible.Imagine, you are crying and your mum forcing you to cut your hair...her scissors just simply cut your hair. It was disaster. But I learn the lesson the hard way and I told myself, this is my last chance to improve my result for my spm examination and although I score one A less than my elder sis but my mum was very proud with me. Thank you, mum! You were always there when I need you. As I grow older, I realise you are the most important person in my life. Thanks for all your advice, thanks for the "rotan" session when I was young, thank you for backing me up for buying my own car, thanks for understanding when I face failure in my career..thanks for everything you have done for me, I know I cant repay everything you gave to me but I tried to do my part asa daughter as best as I could. Thank you, mum!

today was a fairytale

referring to my title, this is one of the popular song by taylor swift for the movie Valentine's Day.Have you watch the movie? I wont say that it was a extreme good movie but worth to watch especially for couples/lovers/husband and wife.I not going to write a movie review here due to lack of writing skills here and besides, I do have a poor memory remembering the actor/actress names.Valentine's day was way over already for this year and it falls on the first day of Cny.Because of this, many couples(especially those not married yet) are separated due to the "must go back hometown" tradition. Lucky for those having the same hometown. Either celebrate early or celebrate later.For this special day, everyone got their very own different agenda.
As for me, perhaps I have been alone for quite some time, nothing much significant. On this day,I have dinner invitation from a fren for few years during my study life in MMU. Haha, it is not a "confession of love" dinner but just a normal dinner between two good frens. However, I usually prefer to be alone on this day although I do have my guy frens(whole bunch of them) asking me to go shopping or jalan -jalan. I am a shy person so I dont join at all. You probably feel that my life kinda boring,right? Anyway, for last year valentine's day, I went out dinner with a good friend.Nothing much special also.For this year, the only difference is I spend it with my family since it was first day of CNY. Worse still, no electricity at night!Almost fainted due to the heat. So, conclusion, in my life, Valentine's day is way too boring compare to the movie.

Wish there is a spell "erase memory"

Do you remember that in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, that there is a spell that you can cast to erase the memory? Yup, thats the one and I wish I am the one that memory erase. This is because there are so many things on my mind which I just wish it will be gone by just one spell. Weekend was superb with my mum around with me, shopping at Midvalley, Sunway Pyramid, JJ Bukit Tinggi. It feels great to hangout with my mum as I miss her terribly.However, I feel the holidays are way too short causing my battery only recharged 10%. This is not enough! Yea, I need a longer hols which I planning to take either around Labour's day or in conjuction of Mother's Day weekend. See how. Need to plan everything properly as next month, budget very very tight due to car insurance and road tax. Besides that,might need to take out money end of this month to help a fren for income tax issue.I still waiting for my Iphone!.Wonder when they will restock the Iphone for the staff. I still owe money to a very good fren of mine which I will clear once I receive my phone.Money Money, it has always been a problem. Haih. Is it because I not stingy enough? Not earning enough? No idea. Lunch time over...Time to start work!

Really tired of hanging on, just need some love

Well, this week has been a hell. It was ok at first but towards the ending of the week, things can really get worse and worse.Sometimes, I do wonder, is it my fault? if not, then who? No one to blame but yourself? I really dont know. Mind really lost and confused. I no longer know who I am , what I want to be, where I want to go, what I am going to do, what is right and what is wrong.It seems so blur.I felt like crying but it doesnt helps. I used to feel good after cried but this time, no.Am i suppose to give up? Pretend that everything is fine?
My frozen expression start with meeting with my section head this morning.I used to talk a lot especially in group meeting but this morning, I just keep quiet. No expression.Towards the end of the meeting, my section head notice i am extreme quiet.My group members gave me one kind of look. The only one that knows what is on my mind is my manager.Although he din say it out, we have this kind of special bond where we can read each other's mind. No, we are not having some kind of secret affair..aiya, he's married anyway. Unable to face the truth, I do not want to keep everything to myself therefore I mention it to my best fren through sms, it doesnt help to ease the pain but i feel better if i tell someone. Should I look at things in a positive way? I really have no confidence whether I can do that.
When can I have a life without problems? Some people say it is just something we have to go through as part of growing up. Why is everyone just like to give me a hard time? If you were to put on in my shoes, then u will know it. Even my closest family member doesnt even understand.Is it too much to ask for just for you to understand what I going through? yes, it is easy to say but hard to do. Why cant my beloved mum understand me? I know it is for my own good but unhappy means unhappy. If I listen to you, I will be happy? No.
Frens....no comment. If you cant understand, then it is ok. Pity /critics/comments, I dont need them.Keep it to yourself, please.
Money...you are my biggest enemy. Because of you, I have gone through a lot. I have fights with my family over you, my frens over you, I almost give everything for you but you still hate me and make my life suffer but I still love you. Please do work with my partner(banks) and start to accumulate yourself. Each time I go find my partner, they are telling me you refuse to co operate. I give everything for you but you just love to give me a hard time.
Finally, my love life. Yes, you, you, you. Enough of those lovely phrases, you are my sunshine, you are my light, shinning bright..whatsoever. I tried to be patient with you, try to understand you, but you are just too busy to spend time with me.I still can take it but there is a limit. You have cross over the line once you mention about the trip.I told myself, it is ok,let the happy events overshadow all this, and everything will be fine.However, my heart refuse to co operate. Well, we should have a talk and sort things out tonight.
Yes, I will be spending time with my mum for the weekend start from tomorrow. Lets hope I wont argue with her again as I hate to argue with my mum. damn hungry liao...lunch.

looking forward to take a break

Yup, I have officially took half day leave for this coming Friday(16 April) to spend some time with my mum here in kl. I cant wait for that as I not that happy recently. Not going to get detailed on that here but in summary, I got very very angry with someone. There are things I cant seems to forgo. I think in malay language it is called " berfikiran sempit".My english is not that good but I think i am very "narrow minded". Jealousy is raging high inside my heart but this is because I care about you very much. Unfortunely,this person never understand instead the feedback I got was "dun think so much, later unhappy only, think also no use one".
Another thing is about my career which I think I mention about it here one year ago.Not going to bother much about it but if some people cant accept it, it is fine with me. I dont like people to judge me in my work/career so to this kind of people,please get out of my life!Very stress out already on this career/work issue.This is the reason I need to spend some time with my mum. It doesnt help/solve the problem but at least I feel better. Need to go shopping, walk around, chit chat and spend time with my nephew and sis. Was hoping that once May arrives, I will be ok. Till then I do not wish to see/talk/meet with the person who hurt my feelings. No, I not going for a break up but I just need some time and space to cool down my anger.Time to start work, adios!

Words without pics

I found out that my blog lack of pics. This is because I kinda lazy to blog at home using my desktop where I keep all my pics. Use up my lunch time to blog with my laptop nowadays.Well, life has been ok so far. For Digizens, it is all about iphone- the coolest gadget in the century. Well, limit one set for one staff only. Hopefully, I can help to sell out one or else need to use my own money to own one at the staff price.Either one it is really worth it. Due to it is such a good bargain, one of my fren already approach me on this but too bad, I do want to own an Iphone or perhaps for my family.If you notice my facebook, my relationship status has been changed. haha...to do that, I need to get approval from "his" parents first. Meet the parents is ok but kinda awkward as we have some communication issue. I cant imagine of speaking Malay with his parents. It gaves some kind of "not close" feeling. Perhaps I will learn some hokkien and brush up my mandarin. Mlk trip was a good one although there was some last minute dissapointment caused by my mum and sis but it turned out to be fine.

Recently, I notice that I have been extremely lazy.In every way. I feel tired easily and need a lot of sleep. Is this a sign of aging? My plan to go for jogging has been a failure for a long long time with me unable to wake up early on Sunday morning. I dont even like to walk around my housing area.Perhaps got no company. Used to do that with my parents last time but unable to do it anymore with my mum's leg bad condition.It is really pitiful and sad when u see one of your family member having some problem with the leg. This is the reason each time i went back home, I tend to help out a bit with the housework. With my mum's leg condition, she unable to go travelling overseas and this has make her very very sad. Well, as daughter, what I can do is to bring her to travel in Malaysia that require less walking therefore I will organise a trip end of the year for her. Need to save money for that.Lunch time over, time to start work!

sat morning

Well, right now I am at Proton Service Centre waiting for my beloved darling serviced by some slow and inefficient technician.The reason why I said them in such a way as I always had bad experience each time I come here to service my darling. Although already made appointment, somehow when I took a quick glance at their car list, found that someone doesnt follow the time schedule. Well, in Malaysia, it has always been unfair. Priority given to the majority races. Heck,i do not want to end up in ISA hands. Faham faham saje lah.Damn hungry also as I din take breakfast. about the price of service, the guy did mention it almost reaching to two hundred bucks. No choice, pay with my credit card. Notice this so called Center of Excellence(Cose) tend to charge more. My fren mention it has standard prices but I Doubt that.The last time I service in Ipoh, it was so much cheaper. No choicelah, this is the nearest Proton service centre. Enough of about service and my darling car.

Life has been ok only as being sick for two consecutive days in a week definitely make my body weaker.Drinking of few bottles of bird nest doesnt help much also.The lazy worm has attacked me with all their might causing me to feel sleepy and lazy most of the time. Work efficiency has been deteriorating. Well, who cares? Since my job memang sucks. My team mate treat Dg as their father company. Half day for fewdays and missing for the rest of the days in the week. Talk about my manager on this, he just not bother.So, why should me,a lowest rank staff should care?
I care because thanks to this bunch of useless people, I have to do their job task. This is not the worse, the worse is my manager driving me crazy. Due to all the frustration, I cant take it so I no longer become the nice,polite girl who will just said "yesyes, I will do it, will settle it". No, I practically shout and yell and stare at my manager nowadays each time he came to me to ask this and that or ask me to settle someone's job. Dont want to give face or whatsoever.My dept is in the process of re organization but I dun really care. As if I got the chance to move to another section. Really depressed sometimes but life just have to go on.

Work isnt the end of my problem. There are many others but I think I better keep it to myself. My frens around me,thanks for being so patient and even my parents...thanks a lot...jo has been very grumpy but hope you guys all understand. If I keep everything to myself,I might gone nuts ..Really need your ear to ease the pain.

feeling a bit lost

just realize i have abandon my blog for a long time. more than a month. well, life is like a routine,not much changes from wake up, go work, off work, dinner, watch drama/rest and sleep. I getting sick of this kind of life. Although I am not so sure on the definition of quarter life crisis but I feel there is something wrong with my life. I start to act weird sometimes and I tend to be very forgetful. No, I am not getting lunatic but mind a bit disturbed nowadays. It is very dangerous to drive when your mind is not focus and I do know that but I cant just help it. I keep thinking and thinking. Well, the only place I will admit that I have high dignity is here and only here. i always want "face". It is normal, right? Just like the famous chinese phrase " trees want the skin, human wants face". Kindly translate the phrase into cantonese.If someone never invite me to a certain event, I wont be thick skin to tag along or force that person to invite. To me, it is pointless, u can lied to yourself but the truth hurts more if u think rationally. Wish to write more but time doesnt permit. My lunch time over and loads of work waiting for me.

Feb 2010

Yup, it has been a long time din update my blog. Those lazy worms start to attacking me already. I wonder sometimes what happen to my body as it seems that I always feel tired and restless till the extend I even woke up late this morning. There is something that is bothering my mind this whole week. Mood has been bad lately and I cant stop complaining this and that. This is not the way it is suppose to be but I just cant help it.Even treat my own boss in a very extreme harsh way. I am trying very hard to tell myself , relax, dun bother so much, dun care but I think I have failed to do. Seriously, I fail. I admit that. Notice ever since from uni days till now, there is always problem, challenges,one after another. Ask me on my happy moments, I do have, of course but due to my negative thinking now, the bad things has overshadow the good things.Yes, am looking forward to CNY but somehow the feeling is a bit different compare to the younger days of me. Yes, i dont like the feeling of growing up and getting older but no choice...My family has always been my first priorities especially my parents but my younger sis has always been the trouble creator and wonder when she will grow up.Keep telling myself that she is still young but each time I go back, her attitude really testing my patience.Well, to comfort myself, probably the year of ox is the year of "fan tai sui" is not over yet. There are so many things bothering my mind including my niece has the issue of "unable to speak" which kinda serious. Although she is not my kid, but I still worry. Yes, I keep worrying this and that.Bet thats the reason for the number of white hair I have right now. I cant stop worrying especially on those I love. When will I learn to put things behind and dont care so much? Am i asking too much and have high expectations?

bye bye 2009 and hello 2010

Yup, it is the end of year 2009 and new year 2010, new beginning for everything.It has been a year of sadness, dissapointment and happiness. When reflect back, health has been deteriorating and it wasnt a really good year for those born in the year of the ox. I am getting old so I cant remember every single event that happens in 2009 but those significant ones were car accident after less than a week driving new car and of course, watching foreworks on new year eve. Fyi, I have a special liking to watch fireworks and it has been a long time I watch fireworks in such a short distance. Besides that, it is about me being aunty again (yes, it is my beloved nephew).Enough of 2009 and lets talk about what is the resolution for 2010. Last night, someone told me I want to get married this year but it is not true. Got no such intention to settle down yet. Well, I dare not dream far as the higher your hopes are, the harder it is to achieve and will fall really hard if fail. In summary, hopefully, I will earn more money and money and money this year. Career-no hope already. Stagnant , freeze...Love life...so far, it has been great..hopefully it stays this way, i want good luck also in all my undertakings, last but not least, please give me good health.Not only to me, but my parents as well. Abit sleepie due to lack of sleep last night....Nitez