Well, this week has been a hell. It was ok at first but towards the ending of the week, things can really get worse and worse.Sometimes, I do wonder, is it my fault? if not, then who? No one to blame but yourself? I really dont know. Mind really lost and confused. I no longer know who I am , what I want to be, where I want to go, what I am going to do, what is right and what is wrong.It seems so blur.I felt like crying but it doesnt helps. I used to feel good after cried but this time, no.Am i suppose to give up? Pretend that everything is fine?
My frozen expression start with meeting with my section head this morning.I used to talk a lot especially in group meeting but this morning, I just keep quiet. No expression.Towards the end of the meeting, my section head notice i am extreme quiet.My group members gave me one kind of look. The only one that knows what is on my mind is my manager.Although he din say it out, we have this kind of special bond where we can read each other's mind. No, we are not having some kind of secret affair..aiya, he's married anyway. Unable to face the truth, I do not want to keep everything to myself therefore I mention it to my best fren through sms, it doesnt help to ease the pain but i feel better if i tell someone. Should I look at things in a positive way? I really have no confidence whether I can do that.
When can I have a life without problems? Some people say it is just something we have to go through as part of growing up. Why is everyone just like to give me a hard time? If you were to put on in my shoes, then u will know it. Even my closest family member doesnt even understand.Is it too much to ask for just for you to understand what I going through? yes, it is easy to say but hard to do. Why cant my beloved mum understand me? I know it is for my own good but unhappy means unhappy. If I listen to you, I will be happy? No.
Frens....no comment. If you cant understand, then it is ok. Pity /critics/comments, I dont need them.Keep it to yourself, please.
Money...you are my biggest enemy. Because of you, I have gone through a lot. I have fights with my family over you, my frens over you, I almost give everything for you but you still hate me and make my life suffer but I still love you. Please do work with my partner(banks) and start to accumulate yourself. Each time I go find my partner, they are telling me you refuse to co operate. I give everything for you but you just love to give me a hard time.
Finally, my love life. Yes, you, you, you. Enough of those lovely phrases, you are my sunshine, you are my light, shinning bright..whatsoever. I tried to be patient with you, try to understand you, but you are just too busy to spend time with me.I still can take it but there is a limit. You have cross over the line once you mention about the trip.I told myself, it is ok,let the happy events overshadow all this, and everything will be fine.However, my heart refuse to co operate. Well, we should have a talk and sort things out tonight.
Yes, I will be spending time with my mum for the weekend start from tomorrow. Lets hope I wont argue with her again as I hate to argue with my mum. damn hungry liao...lunch.
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