Thursday, August 24, 2017

A look into the sweet memories and continue to smile and live happily

It took quite some time for me to be back up. Decided to put the past behind. Although last year , a few unfortunate event happen but one of the best memories of last year is my trip to Hong Kong. Yes, a trip to the land of TVB, and to fulfill my childhood dream which is to pay a visit to Disneyland. It is indeed a land of happiness. The fireworks at night was stunning and glad I decided to stay late just to watch the beautiful fireworks with Teh.
Due to I change job, I only manage to find time to go for a short vacation to Penang after I was confirmed in June. Met MMU bestie , Felicia and we spend time together going to 3D trick muzium.Soon another 4 months, it will be the end of year 2017. I dont ask for more, I just want a happy life, good health .

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

the day my world collapse...will time heal my broken heart?

Been in and out of Columbia Hospital. Two weeks of worrying on bleeding issue and finally it happen. When it happens, I feel my world was collapse. I dont know what to do. I am scared. I ask myself, why? Why is God so cruel by giving me hope and take it away just like that? How am I going to face this again? I dont know. I cried and cried and before I knew it, I was in OT , waiting for the D&C procedure. The whole thing makes my body numb. How am I going to go on life without thinking about it? This is the second time I need to face miscarriage. How? God, please give me strength. Strength to move on and live happily and put the past behind me. Three days have passed but I still unable to forget. Each time I look at Teh, I feel sorry for him. We did our best but things doesnt turn out right . Life is so difficult, huh?

Tuesday, February 07, 2017

Goodbye 2016, hello 2017...

Wow, din know I abandon my blog that long. Well, so far a few events happen in year 2016. It was again another year of series of unfortunate events.
I have broken my finger tendon causing it to fall down. It was scary. The doc advised me to immediately to be warded and schedule operation. At that time,
I feel my life has collapsed. I have to take leave from work for 6 weeks. My elder sis has been very supportive and Teh as well. I feel like crying but
I hold back my tears as I do not want my loved ones to be worried. The hardship I faced during the 6 weeks, not able to cook , wear bra and even having hard time
to feed myself. Outside people might think I have a relax,happy life staying at home for 6 weeks but I can tell you, that 6 weeks is one of the hardest
week I have to go through. I have to go physiotherapy minimum two times a week and each session, my life energy was like sucked out at that place.
I hardly sleep well at night due to bandages. I didnt even celebrate my birthday due to this. Just a simple meal , thats all.
Thinking everything was over after 6 weeks, one week after I start work, a trailer bang my car. Went to police station and car was sent to repair.
2016, I hate you. 2017, please be good to me.

Monday, August 08, 2016

Stay Strong

Been away for too long. Nothing much except work work work.Watching Korean drama,"Uncontrollably fond" and din know Kim Woo Bin has such charm on him that attract my attention. Was impressed with "W" drama storyline but I still prefer a melodrama. After a long consideration, I decided to go Hong Kong end of the year to see the land of TVB dramas. My Korea dream is still a long way. Shoulders felt heavy nowadays as the installment for Ultrapolis is increasing rapidly. My health has been deteriorating lately but I keep it away from my mum so that she wont worry too much. Occasionally, I will destress myself by online shopping. Life has been ok so far. My facebook is full of frens expecting showing their belly , or newborn babies. I have decided to filter this out from my newsfeed.It is not their fault, I know but it is just too much for me. I need to continue life. Sometimes , looking at my hubby is a pain. Occasionally, I cried at night.As human, we do feel sad but I believe as time comes, it will heal. The pain will go away and the thought will go away once we get used to it.

Thursday, May 05, 2016

Penang trip(30 April till 2 May 2016)

Just back from Penang during the labour day hols. Finally went to St Anne church. Did my prayer to the god and we went straight to Island after lunch at BM. Went to Georgetown and with the help of Waze, we manage to find our hotel without any difficulty. Satisfied with the room and off we went to grab some snacks from the hawker stalls few shop away. It was very convenient, the only catch is the parking space very limited. Was tired so we nap about one hour inside the room.At 6 oclock, we started our journey to Kimberly Street. Why not going to Gurney Drive? We have been there many times thus we thought we want to have a change and hangout at the town. Food was not as much as Gurney but we tried all the recommended food there. Emperor chicken feet, the gingko soup with "yau cha kuai". After a satifying dinner, we went to Prangin Mall to do some light shopping. Nothing much, just bought some shoes there. As we were tired as travel all the way from KL, we went to bed quite early at 1130pm. The next day, it was time to go for Air Itam laksa. Kek Lok Si. This is a must visit place in Penang. Up we went, with the normal routine, grab some vege for the tortoise there and off up we went to do our prayers. My Muar Chi stall is at its usual spot,thus we grab two boxes of it from the uncle. It was labour day and sale must be everywhere. It was such a hot weather thus we decided to go to Queensbay Mall. Spending few hours there with joining the crowd at Padini,we went to Armenian street to enjoy the murals and photograph session.This time, I manage to get myself a bicycle to ride.Bought some handmade souveniers and  off we went to Macalister road to try the hawker food there. I saw an uncle selling durians and was very tempted but manage to control myself. I think this year, I need to have self control against this giant king of fruits.We order oysters and enjoy ourselves with our sweat running all over our face. Decided to go 1 st avenue to enjoy the cold air cond environment there. The next morning, we went to this super old shop Kedai Kopi Kong Thai Lai. The nasi lemak is cheap and taste fantastic. You know what is most popular at Penang? Yes, the cendol. We went to Penang road and q up for the cendol. My mum hate that environment as the weather was super hot. Just like a small kid, she throw tantrums and shouting and yelling at me when I told her I am going to Gurney Plaza to meet up with a fren. She was pestering me to go back to Ipoh also. I love my mum but sometimes her tantrums is not easy to handle. This is where my younger sis crazy genes who like to menggila comes from. I told myself to be patient and I cancel my meetup with fren. I notice it is not easy to go hols with my mum and younger sis , no wonder my elder sis never bring my mum/younger sis to hols anymore. She just go with her family.So far, no plans to go anywhere this year. Been saving money very hard. Liabilities too much and causing I cant afford a new car. My Korea trip need to be postphoned to next year again.
                                                    St Anne church at Bukit Mertajam

                                                    The half boiled egg from Kong Thai Lai

                                             Char Keuy Teow near Eton hotel (rm9.50) one plate
                                                 My purple bicycle at Armenian Street

Friday, February 26, 2016

CNY 2016

The cashew nut cookies that I made
Beloved mummy birthday with her grand kids,dughters and son in law. Wish mum have good health always

New clay tea set which I got it for myself this CNY to serve guest

Chor 2 Dinner at Restaurant Loong Wah
So fast CNY already over. Well, this year, it was a very tiring CNY. The difference this CNY with the previous ones , I start my bussiness with selling "HAI LOU" . RM10 one small tong. Its actually very cheap and not much profit earned. Cant sell too expensive or else, no one buy from me. Must gain the trust from customers first. Well, for a start, not bad the bussiness. Collect orders of 14 tong and then I "sau gong". Due to the price of everything raise up this year, I made cashew nut biscuits too to save some cost on buying the biscuit for CNY. Every ringgit counts. This year, it is my turn to sponsor the Chor 2 dinner. Decided to eat at Restaurant Loong Wah as the price is reasonable. Want to book Restaurant Tuck Kee but the captain was very rude to me when I was asking them on the menu. The price was expensive and not worth it also plus with the rude attitude, no way I going to let them earn my money. Overall, satisfied with Loong Wah as this restaurant belongs to my relative. Manage to spend some time to gather with my frens. We manage to maintain this gathering since year 2003 till now. More than ten years of friendship.Although all of us are busy with our life, but each time CNY, it is time for gathering. I thank god for giving me a group of true frens.The best part is a friend of mine turned into gay. Perhaps he was gay all along but it has been announced to all since two years ago. To me, nothing changed. Gay or no gay, he is still a good friend of mine. However, each time CNY gathering, I still will think of  a fren of ours that has went missing/lost in touch. We mention about him few times but as time passed by, his name was never mention again. I know frens come and go but I still hope this fren of mine, by fate, I can see him again. 12 years has passed, no news was heard about him.Money was spend for CNY, with the number of angpau that I need to give, its very tiring. Married for almost 5 years and still no luck in having a baby. No matter how much I comfort myself, its not working. This issue is slowly eating my spirit up. I hold on to the hope, but each day , my health getting worse and worse. Next month, I decided to resume back my dance class. One year...I stopped ever since I discover I am preggie. The nightmare last year, it was still very fresh on my mind . On how hopes was given and was taken back in a harsh way. I no longer crying but my heart still hurts each time I think of what happen. Deep inside, I know, it takes a miracle to be able to conceive again. Perhaps I need to be less greedy and pray for good health. Be thankful. What others able to do naturally, I need a miracle for it. Perhaps my upcoming hols to Bangkok can help to ease my stressful mind. Cant wait to go BKK!

Monday, December 28, 2015

Goodbye 2015, hello 2016 !

Its time to say goodbye to year 2015 and hello to 2016. Well, time to wrap up year 2015.
I must say it has been a year of ups and downs.Many will think that facing miscarriage most probably was the most
down part of my life this year. I admit, it was not easy and I cried so much to sleep but the most hurtful part was
the one you love,sort of going against you.In just one day, I cried more than 5 times in front of my mum. Now that I think of it, I acting immature and I am making my mum to worry over me.I told myself , no more. No more tolerating with my selfish father in law, his siblings. They have pass over my limit.Enough is enough.My resolution for next year will be handling my in laws family in a more mature way without giving them a single chance to take advantage of me and Teh. My hubby being too kind hearted. I rather donate the money for charity than  give them.Although it is difficult to accept the truth that we maybe/might never have children, I still hold on to the hope.Well, the positive milestone that was achieved this year was rented our my Mlk house. One burden less on my shoulder. Work has been very very stressful this year. My health deteriorate a lot. My pressure went up to 170/110 last month. Doc forced me to take medicine. No choice. My mum was sad to hear this. I feel down too as I am so young, the fact of eating medicine till my last breath. With this hypertension, its even a slim chance I can have a healthy baby. I cried for few nights on this but I told myself, I need to be strong.I still have a lot of things to achieve other than having a kid. It gets worse when you see your friends in fb having their own kid and you cant. I even read one article where this lady sort of delete her fb due to the stress of seeing others posting on their kids/babies. Nah, I not going to do that. I always believe, no matter what, we should be always happy for others. Yes, we do envy but having infertility issue is not other people's fault so the act of deleting your fb is just not right to me. New year, new resolutions and here is my resolution for the year 2016.
1) not to lose hope on having a kid
2)Stay positive at all times.Smile and laugh more next year(Since this year, tears has been flowing non stop)
3)Increment of my salary(it has been way too low for the past 3 years)
4)Travel to Korea end of the year
5) Get another bigger lego set for myself (Something that will cost rm200 and above?)
6)Dealing with my in laws family in a more mature way.
7)Spending more time with my mum,siblings, nephew and niece
8)Good health (no high cholesterol, BP ok with medicine, uric asid ok-yes, I need to exercise more and more)
9)This is a bit silly, I only dream about my dad once. Can my beloved daddy come to my dream again? I miss him a lot and have lots to tell him.
10)To have a good relationship with my hubby.He is good to me and we always in good terms except the part involving his  family.