Feeling down

Very down. Never felt so down before. Its hard to explain here but things has gone out of hand. This are the times I felt, I want to wrap up myself and jump to the dark,deep sea and disappear from this world. You must ask, what happen till this extend, I want to gave up my life? A series of unfortunate events. I have come across challenges and never I face such tough challenge. I always look at the brighter side and think of a solution but I dont have for this one. There is no way out. Already having a lot of problems, I tot God answer my prayer and grant me happiness but sadly , the happiness doesnt last. It was taken away from me, I never felt so sad in my life, I ended up crying and crying. Being alone in the house now freaks me out as my mind keep thinking and thinking why such thing happen. Can god give me a miracle? Deep down inside, I know very slim chance but I still hope. Hope for better. No matter what, I have to go through it and I know, the journey next month will be even tougher. Please give me strength to continue on.....I dont want to trouble my old mum with my problems but I have no one else to refer to. No one....my siblings are too busy with their life.I know I am not a small kid that can complain to my mum, I need to find a solution and to go pass the challenge of accepting fate but its hard. I am trying very hard here, trust me.