What is happiness to you?

Something came up my mind this morning. How do you define happiness? What actually satisfies you? I believe Happiness is something all of us will be after. I was even approached by one of my junior on a project called "Happy Life". So, what is happiness to you? Is happiness the day you walk on the aisle where you made your wedding vows in front of your family and frens? Do you think those fairy tale in Disney movies with the ending "happily ever after" is true? I used to think that was called happiness when I was a kid. When I was a kid,life has been great and I can say it was the happiest phase in my life as I dont have worries, everyday it is about playing with other kids,I do not know what is having money or how to make more money, the problems in life.It was great till you can always see a chubby girl smilling always in almost every pic my parents took of me. However , as I grew up, when I look at my own pics, I have changed from a cute ,cheerful girl into someone who seldom smiles. The smiles has been probably reduced 80% compare to when I was a kid.The reality sucks.I have always wanted to go back time but it is impossible right? Like the saying "time is gold, once passed, you can never get it back".The day I lost my beloved daddy is one of the saddest day in my life.I knew someday he will leave me, but not that soon not in such a way without saying goodbye. Only god knows how much pain I went through that night. In the midst of darkness, is it possible to find happiness? I feel almost impossible. There is no smile. I sort of collapsed , losing the battle with happiness. But it is not the end, if we think that happiness is gone, thats where we land ourself into the land of depression. Time passed, and I found my happiness back but it is never the same happiness I experience when I was a kid. To me, happiness is when you spend time with your loved one by going to hols, happiness when I achieved my KPI and when I bought another property with my own hard earned money. Thats the happiness I define for myself. Although I dont have the luck/good fate on having a child,I am sure a child is also consider a happiness for every parents but I feel blessed to find my "the one". We might want a lot of things in life but if it is not fated,we also cant do anything.I feel I can find other happiness to compensate those things we cant have. Life is indeed a roller coaster , with ups and down.

Sabah trip ( March 2014)

Q2 2014 coming to an end

Well, I din even realized that it has been more than 3 months I didnt write a new post in my blog. Time flies in 2014. Well, to sum up, Q1 2014 has been really good. Went to Sabah in March and it was really a great, relaxing trip with dear. Food there is great and I ate lobster for the first time. Cost rm90 but consider cheap as it was a huge one. Been working hard for the first quarter due to bonus will be out in April 2014 and I need to ensure I met all the KPI set. Unfortunely, I only manage to met 5/6 KPI. Although a bit dissapointed with myself,I have to admit I din put enough effort. Will try my best this year. Satisfied with the three months bonus(better than my previous company) but not sure how long I can stay in this company. Boss driving me crazy once a week, its hard to tolerate with single lady boss. Things doesnt go too well in my family. I feel sad each time when I feel my siblings seems to wonder off far away. I tried my best to keep everyone together but seems I have failed. Things got heated up during the week that we went to court to settle dad's assets. Arguments and we sort of shouting and yell at each other. Not to mention, my mum keep crying and being unreasonable.I ask myself, what happen to my family? If dad was around, he probably will be very sad to see our family in such a state. I was at a lost on what to do that time. Elder sis sort of lost control of herself that time. Mum was in a very sad, emotional state. In my mind, I was whispering "daddy, can u help us to go through such hard times?" The court session went well and although things are back to normal now but deep inside, I knew, the torns will always be there and there is nothing can be done to remove it away. Just as the sadness of losing my daddy, it will never fade away in my mum heart no matter how long the time passed. Life still have to go on.Sometimes, I tried to make my mum understand but her stuck up attitude refuse to listen. Each time, she was telling me on "there is no difference with having children with no children". I feel she was being not satisfied with life, ungrateful with what she had and I tell her straight on the face as well. She will said "no", living in a state of denial. I have tried to ask my colleague on this kind of problem. According to her, parents tend to be like that as they have some influence from their frens where this frens have ungrateful children being bad to them, causing them to brainwash the other party as well. I find this really true. This is because my mum do have a couple fren where their children doesnt bother about them and they sort of complaining their children to my mum. I m not saying this couple is bad but somehow, they do influence my mum until she keep feeling the children sort of abandon her(which is not true at all). I have no idea on how to fix this. Mentality is the hardest thing to fix as there is no control on this.Its really hard , I dont want to scold my mum on this , I just want her to know, we ,as children, we tried our best. You cant expect too much and I dont like the idea of parents threatening the children with materials. Well, my health sort of ok but I getting sick of the catering food thus decided to end it end of May and will resume cooking by myself. Mum keep buggin me on the "having children" issue. The series of I going to visit gynae from last year till April 2014 was a series of nightmare. I hate the idea of going through such thing. I do this for my hubby but I dun know how to make him understand the concept of "its just the two of us" and we should enjoy each other company instead of having kids. Reaching 30 soon and I realized the chance of conceiving a child is less than 50%. I am tired of trying, frankly speaking. If fated, then we just need to accept it. All I ask for is to have good health, good menstrual cycle. Please grant me this. I dont ask for more.

Being EMO....

Sometimes when I am sad, I dont show it but it doesnt mean I am not crying inside , its just that I prefer to look at the positive side rather than the negative side. I dont talk about it doesnt mean I dun have feelings , it is just that I hold on to the principle "life just have to go on". No matter how challenging the path look, we still have to go through it. Cant sit down and keep crying. It doesnt helps I always remind myself that no matter what happens, I need to be strong. Sometimes I wish to share my sorrow with my dear, but deep down, I know it will only make him unhappy with me,thus I normally drop the idea of telling him how I feels. Sometimes, I cried at night without anyone knowing, crying myself to sleep. Its always not easy during this time of the year. Its a new beginning of the Chinese calendar year, but yet i feel very sorrowful each time I think of another year without my daddy.Besides that, it is not the only thing that make me sad. The truth about my condition, deep down i know, its fated that we will never have baby teh junior.I dont know how to put in words each time I think of this problem. The only thing that comforts my mind is life is not perfect, we cant have everything. Be thankful of what we have.Looking at my surroundings, yes, I do have a lot of material things, a nice house to stay, car, and few other properties for investment. My dear also treating me good, a good job with a good boss but yet I cant have kids of my own. I lost one of the most important person in my life, my daddy. Each time I think of him, tears will be rolling down my cheeks. I sometimes ask god, why ? why so soon? Perhaps I didnt do enough charity? I dont think so as I always do charity whenever anyone approach me on donating things. Perhaps I not being nice enough? I am not friendly? The only conclusion I can think of is "It is fated". We just need to accept it.Instead of thinking about kids, I choose to make myself busy. Fully occupied my time with my work. I hate to talk about this topic, and I never mention much about dad too although mum always talking about it. God, please be merciful and help me to forget all those sadness...

Christmas coming, end of year 2013 and say hello to 2014..

It is that time of the year again.The beauty of christmas tree and the enchanting deco surround the malls really cheer up any soul in this world. Although I feel happy seeing all those beautiful christmas deco, yet, I will think , if daddy was here with me, isnt that nice? I miss his smile, his loud voice, his jokes. Not a day I wont think of him.Sometimes, it is very hard to let go the one u love. Not an easy thing to do. He was the one who raise me up, the one who fetch me to school, the one who send me to tuition. He was always there, the look of his face when I got married.He was a great man, the best daddy to me. I have been harsh with him sometimes, teasing him as 'stingy poker' but I didnt know that his money was taken away by his own family causing him to be in such a way. I didnt know that until recently. How cruel is this world.I just feel sorry for my daddy. Well, apart from that, everything is going well.Work, slightly stress due to chasing dateline. Looking forward to Pangkor holiday with family. Yes, I have achieved another target for year 2013. Bought a soho apartment @ Glenmarie at the price of 298k(477 sqf) Yes, i know its small but what to do? Location is very strategic with KDU college in the master plan. The fact is, I cant afford high price property due to lack of money. This is for investment. Like the proverb, bersusah susah dulu, senang senang kemudian. Need to borrow bank loan and a bit afraid income tax will chase after me on this. Well, next target will be starting a family next year. Hubby said want to have baby in the year of the horse. Everything is fated but I need to cure my infertility issue first. Finger crossed.

Advice most needed is least heeded

Well, it has been more than a year my beloved daddy left us without even say goodbye.Although I have always told myself, it is time to move on but each time I think of him, tears will definitely falling from my cheeks.Up till today, I still havent let go, to accept the fact he has gone. I keep asking myself,what actually happen?The memories keep falling down my head , its like flashing some old movies using some old junk equipment in the cinema. In the so called film movie on my head, I recalled how fast it happens, how much I have cried in the funeral parlour, the look at the motionless body in the mortuary, the stitches in his body, and how his body disappear from my sight in the cremation hall.It was a very painful memory, and sometimes, I wonder how my mum actually go through it. A person who u know more than 30 years, sleeping on the side of your bed for the last 30 years suddenly gone. I must admit, my mum is a tough lady.I didnt see her cry much in the funeral but deep down, I know, it hurts her more (probably ten times more than what I felt). The sad eyes on her face on that frightful night, I recalled.Without daddy, I have to do every thing on my own, I thank god for giving me a lovely hubby on my side. Positive thinking, I still have family. My younger sis has always been quiet,I bet she miss daddy too. He was her buddy, her best friend.She learn the lesson the hard way but I am glad she has changed. Changed for better. Her studies so far is good with getting into Dean List. Daddy will be so proud of her. After Dad's incident, I realized, yes, money is important but we should do what we want to do cos life is really short. Live like there is no tomorrow. Although my daddy has become a past, we still need to look into the future. Celebrate mother's day in mum's new apartment with the Rachel and Wai Lik. Mum already retired and I believe she deserve to have a peaceful, happy life . Till then, adios!

2013: First half of the year, feeling great...

Wow, five months, I didnt update my blog. Well, just to share on some update.Recently, I bought a house at Bukit Katil, Melaka. Very happy about it due to the fact, property price is rising tremendously. Looking back the things I had, I realised that I achieve my target. Before 30, I already married, own property, car,hmm...whats next? change car?nah, my car is still in good condition and cars are liabilites. Yea, a lot of people keep asking the same question.when are u having kids? Well, not now. I still want to see the world. Having kids means tying down(can see my neighbour lifestyle-everyday sit at home. omg) I want to spend some quiet time going holiday with my hubby while we can. My mum keep asking me to work hard on the baby issue. Very pressure on this topic. Changing job makes me consider on this kid issue. I need to impressed my boss. Getting pregnant means low productivity(with the morning sickness). Its not that I dont want to have kids but kids plan to be phostphoned(when i am ready).Yea,you might said,by the time u want, cant get it loh due to age factor. Nah, if fated, will have onelah. Let it naturally. Father's Day which falls last weekend, it bring back a lot of memories of my late daddy. It has been one year. Things has been same from the outside but the truth is, things are never same again. I miss his jokes, his smile, his laughter, his loud voice..etc In the early stage, when I go downstairs of my ipoh house on Sunday, tears start flowing down my cheeks non stop.I got so used to my daddy calling me in the morning to wake me up and he will be downstairs , either in the toilet or reading newspaper. The fact that he was gone was difficult to digest when it happens too sudden. As time passes, I no longer cried when I back to Ipoh as I knew I need to stay strong for my mum. It wasnt easy as I notice some mild depression symptom in my mum. I tried to be considerate and tolerate with her. Many times, I lost control and ended up quarrelling with her (i hate the fact my dad is not here and I have to do things on my own and his task) I feel tired at times but I told myself, I need to hang on. There is no one else to help but me and its only me. It wasnt easy dealing with my mum tantrums, my younger sis . When a person gone, things doesnt pause/stop there. There are credit cards(debts) to settle, insurance, socso, lawyers. i have to deal with this and along the way, my younger sis couldnt take it and I have to tolerate with her behaviour. After one year, 80% involving things on my daddy is done.All of us have move on(particularly my elder sis). We miss him and we know he always in our hearts. Its time to look at the future, things we want to do. I myself, what I want is my mum to move on with life,i want her to be happy. Retired and move here so that I can take good care of her. On my career, confirmation of my position is already done. Yay! Things are great in my new company. No stress, learn new things everyday. I love my job!

Bye to year 2012, hello 2013..

The year of 2012 is ending with just a few days left. This year has been one of the most sorrowful year with the sudden death of my beloved daddy. It is not easy to accept and I miss him a lot. He was the pillar strength of family,things has been very difficult especially involving my mum. I feel very sad each time I go back to visit my mum in Ipoh but there is nothing to do to ease the pain. I felt angry with my grandma , very angry with all her evil deeds.Deep inside, I asking myself, why is she not the one that passed away? Why is it has to be my dad? My dad was a kind person, he doesnt deserve this kind of ending.Time will heal but I not sure when as tears keep flowing down each time I think of my daddy. It wasnt easy as it seems to forget someone u really love and care. Anyway, time to move on to my resolution for 2013; 1) to have a good health 2) earn more money(perhaps an increment after I have confirmed from TIME?) 3) able to travel overseas( Singapore / Korea is the next destination) 4) able to rent out Lagoon Suites apartment 5) a baby perhaps( baby is a gift from god, I not sure whether he is giving me a chance to be a mother or not) 6) my nephew free of kutu throughtout the year(i call him "kutu king" currently 7) hubby to be promoted from senior manager to head of dept(so that I can goyang kaki and retired) 8) getting a new car( hmm...Toyota Vios G limited is on my mind)hehe...I drive this car to work everyday but I want to own it and not loaning from my mum. hehe...However, I still love my Proton Persona so perhaps this one will need to forward to year 2014 most likely 9) my mum's health to be good and I want to spend more time with her(if can, without the annoying younger sis) 10) to avoid my in laws (especially my hubby's annoying younger bro who like to show off his son...yes, i know i dont have a son but no need to show off like that.

Langkawi trip

Yes, we went to Langkawi for holiday. I have been planning to hols since March 2012. Flights all booked already so I cant cancel it. Yes, it is time to mourn for my daddy but to me, We need to face the reality. Crying will never bring back my daddy. The truth is hard to accept but we have to accept the fact that "daddy will never come back home ever again". It was nice to go for a trip to put the sad past behind and relax a bit. We spend quite a lot on the souvenier , chocolates. Although it is expensive but I feel that money is not that important, it is important for survival but it is not the most important thing.I regret that I keep postphone a lot of things which I plan to do with my parents due to M(money) factor. Now, I want to take out the money also no use, my daddy is no longer around. So , live life to the fullest as we dont know when one day, we just leave the world just like that. The underwater world was freaking expensive. I even spend RM45 on the pic they took(the cost is around rm10 only) but when I think if i didnt buy, sure regret later as I have no idea when will be the next Langkawi trip. Bought lots of chocolates and also liquor. Couldnt bring much since there is limitation on flight but I bought rougly around 10 batik sarong. Freaking cheap there. Can make lots of skirts to pair up with my Nyonya kebaya. Plan to wear my nyonya kebaya during the Raya makan makan. Who knows? I might won the best dress for the event(perasan hor?). Blek Time to go....sayonara

Things will never be the same again

It has been more than a month but the pic of my beloved daddy is still very fresh in my mind. There wasnt a single day I wont think about him but I told myself " He is in a much better place" and my life has to go on. There are times, I felt sorry for my mum as she has to go through this. It is definitely not easy to lose someone u love and has been with together for more than 30 years.There are times I thought of my daddy and tears keep flowing from my eyes. It was heartache but I do believe, time will heal the wound. Loneliness without my daddy, my mum has to bear each and every day. Weekdays, it will only be just her alone in the house. Thinking about that, I feel helpless not able to help her to feel much better. There is nothing I can do. My life , career is all in Kl. No choice, I just hope when the right time comes, she will retire and I will take good care of her. Going back Ipoh each time bring back the memories. We are all humans, we cant just erase the memory of my daddy. I not sure when we will feel much better but I tried to help my mum in every way I could. I feel tired each time travelling but not even once, I will complain to my mum. I just told myself " i need to be strong and hang on".Things will never be the same again without my daddy around. We got so used to be dependent on him but no choice, from now on, everything, we need to settle it ourselves. Never come across my mind, I need to go through this . I thank god, that I do have someone there beside me when I feel sad. Thanks to my dear hubby for being patient, helping me all the way. I hope my mum will be strong. Yes, we both cried at night whenever we mention about daddy but I believe, someday, we will be able to put the past behind us and move on without shedding any tears. I love my daddy and will always be. I have made a promise to take care of my mum and I hope I have the ability, strength to do that.

A nightmare, the day I lost one of the most important people in my life..

25 June 2012, I do not think that I will forget this day for the rest of my life. It was a day like any ordinary day,I called my mum after work to have a chat with her. Reached home, I just rush to the kitchen to cook dinner for my dear. It was after dinner, I took a glance at my hp and realize my mum has been calling me for more than 5 times. Was worried and immediately return her call.She told me that daddy never went home. It was 8pm that time.I got panic the moment I heard this. In my heart, I knew something bad must have happen to him but I do not want to make mum worried therefore I told my mum to go to his office to search for him.I was freaking scared, my hands are cold. Was thinking on the next move,while I keep calling my daddy's hp number. Decided to call up Digi to trace my daddy's number.The moment I got the location(which serving site), I ask my mum to go with my uncle to find daddy.I couldnt do anything at all except waiting for my mum to call. At 11pm, mum decided to report police and continue with the search by contacting all the hospital. We thought that perhaps he was fainted , therefore unable to reach us. I do not wish my mum to go through the night without anyone helping her, thus I decided to rush back home with my hubby. On the way back,my mum called and inform me that my dad has passed away.She was crying on the phone.It was my hubby driving at that time.I was seriously shocked when I heard the news. I didn't burst into tears as I do not want to affect my hubby's mood.But after a while, I couldnt control myself any longer. Tears were flowing down when I think about my daddy.Reaching home around 3am. Mum still not back yet.My daddy died at the construction site and I didnt know the way to go there thus I waited at home. I called mum few times and she told lots of reporters were there and the police doesnt allow her to go near to my daddy's body. When she came back home, her face was pale. I told my hubby to go to bed while I comfort my mum. She burst into tears telling me she doesnt know how to go on with life without my daddy around. I just hug her and told her ,she still got us. It was 4am, and I feel time was ticking very very slow. I couldnt sleep with my mind keep thinking on what happen to my daddy. Tears keep flowing. Mummy was beside me and we comfort each other.Never come across my mind this day will come so fast where the pillar strength of the family will leave us and return back to God.The body was at the Hospital Ipoh mortuary therefore we woke up early in the morning to go to hospital.Mummy was sad and didnt have much appetite. As daughter, I feel the pain of seeing my mum in such a way but there is nothing to be done. Comforting words helps but I dun have the ability to make the pain away. The undertaker was there at the mortuary and there was a delay in claiming my daddy's body due to he has to undergo post mortem first. In between, we went with the undertaker to settle the rest of the things for the wake. At last, the moment came for us to identify and claim the body. It was only me, mum and my hubby there. Elder sis was on the way back and Jolly was at the university. I went inside with my mum.It was very cold inside. I hold my mum as I afraid she will collapse. There lies my daddy's body covering with a white cloth. The hospital attendant open the cloth,it was at that moment, I feel the pain,it was as if a very long sharp knife stab through my heart. Words cannot describe how hurtful it is to see the one u loved lie there motionless with big stitches across his body. Quickly, we said yes, and we left the room as both of us cant bare to look further. Tears start to roll on our eyes.I thank god my sisters was not there to go through this. It was just a short moment but that moment has a huge impact. The news was on NTV7 and TV3 the following night. It was on newspaper,internet as well. Phone calls non stop, relatives was there. I stay strong as I know,there are so much things to be done. Everything was handle by me, as my sis need to take care of her kids. Each time I saw my daddy pic, and during the prayers, I cant control my tears.He was a good father to me and my sisters. I keep reminding myself, he is now in a better place. Life still have to go on.It was really hard times and never a day, i wont think about my daddy. I believe time will heal the wound. It was only one month, and all of us needs time to get over it.The memories of my daddy will always stay inside my mind.

Work and marriage life

I miss my exboss!
Another two months have passed. Been busy till do not have enough time to write at all.After married around 5 months, the most popular question is "when are u planning to have kids?","are u pregnant?". Parents and frens all asking on this question. Stress giler. Guess not that fast, it has to be natural,right? Trust me, I am working hard on it. Hopefully, soon. When u are married, your school frens wont come to look for you anymore, same scenerio with unimates. Thats the difference between a single and married life. I no longer spending the time to online after work but I spend time cooking and watching tv together with my hubby, feeding my dog,and cleaning up the house. Cleaning and tidying up the house seems like a never ending task. Anyway, although there are always obstacles, but now, i know there is always someone there to support me. Arguments is unavoidable but we learn to tolerate with each other. It seriously not easy as we have gone ups and downs till the part we decided to tied the knot. There are a few times, I want to give up on the relationship but the truth is, if you really love someone, u wont easily give up one. Regarding work, it has been hell. Work like shit, stress giler and in the end, u find out your boss doesnt appreciate your work. This year has been a really hell for me at work ever since my exboss tender her resignation on May 2011. Life has been hell ever since this new boss of mine takes over. He is damn kiamsap type one till the extend, on my birthday, he never want to share the birthday cake but he still eats the cake. Thick skin,right? Really fed up with him especially he didnt promote me in Sept this year. False promises was given, and i just gave him a deaf ears. Teruk and cilaka boss!

Officially Mrs Teh, a wife, a housekeeper , and a dog caretaker

Read my title..yea, it has been almost 3 months that we officially get married. It is suppose to be a series of happiness but it turns out to be a series of unfortunate events. In summary, our house was break in during our honeymoon, I had a serious car accident in June and thank god, it was the end of the series(I hope so). Our wedding day in Melaka was a good one with nice weather and surrounded by our beloved ex Digizen frens and my uni mates, family , and relatives. Eeverything went smooth and as for the Ipoh wedding, it was great also except there are a few of my frens unable to attend in the last minute. Not going to elaborate much on the house break in as it was seriously a nightmare and something I wont want to think about further. The car accident was horrified too. Well, I adopt a puppy to guard the house in the future and his name is lucky. My neighbours hated him but I thank god he was slightly better than the legendary "Marley".Need to stop as lazy to write further. Looking forward to go back Ipoh tomorrow...

Weee...Getting married

Walaoweh, cant believe it has been three months. The number of events happen...everything was so rush.Yes, one of the biggest event of my life is coming very soon. Everything was decided that it should be held on the 30 oct 2011 but unfortunely, my mum in law passed away two months back. Well, the month of Feb was a nightmare for both of us. It is suppose to be a happy month due to we are getting registered on 27 Feb 2011 but things turn out badly for my mother in law(it was future mother in law at that time).The rushing to the hospital, the medical bills(the amount really freaks me out), the shouting and yelling at each other, the crying. I didnt even enjoy CNY at all due to she was admitted to hospital on 1st day and the discharge on 2nd day of CNY and went back in on third day of cny.Words actually cant describe my feeling and what I been through that month. The burden and sadness was much more heavier for my hubby.On the last day of CNY, it was all so sudden. My hubby rush back all the way and I cant fall asleep at all and the news came through my hp that she passed away. I feel sad , very sad although I met her few times only . I told myself, think positive, at least she no longer suffering.Her medical bills accumulated up to 30k. Well, decision was made that wedding will be held on 15 May 2011 and my side will be 21 May 2011. Although sad but reality is cruel, life jus have to go on. I am sure she is happy that someone can take good care of her son(she did mention this before).

Well, our registration was very simple. Pre wedding pics taken....and I am nervous/excited...It is around 1 month more only. No time to diet...become fat fat bride...no choice..

End of year 2010...

Wow, cant believe it is actually the end of 2010 already. In 4 hours, it will be the beginning of a new year. New start...Well, time to reflect back on the important events this year. Hmmm...Well,the start of the year was horrible with my manager giving me mental torture on the way he handles the team. Besides that, the amount of bonus for this year was very dissapointing. The next suprise Digizen in Technology has is the re org. Everyone was suprised with the announcement. Then I receive the news that my manager is leaving. Yes, "finally" ,thats what my heart says. The arriving of new manager to handle my team was kinda of hard to accept. Being a person that is difficult to accept anything new, my mind was set to "I dun like him at all. Please f**k off if you cant show your abilities to be my head". Well, i against of everything he said. Every single thing at first but as time passed, I need to be "hipokrit" to survive. I need my manager to help me in my career path, my appraisal so it is time to accept the fact that I have to live with him and be nice to him.Well,I finally fit in and comfortable. And just when I feel comfortable with everything, there is this manager approach my manager to request me to join her team. Lady boss....omg..but her team is doing something different from my current team.Due to I want to change my job scope, I want to enhance my technical knowledge, I decided to join her team. Yes, my team members classify me as "traitor". Even my manager also think in such a way. I am sorry but I need to move on , to add market value to myself. If you are in my shoes, u will think the same way. So 2010, I have gone through 3 managers in total. As for relationship, there are times I cried and cried due to arguements with my bf especially on the preparation of the new house conflicting with my ipoh trip. Luckily , everything was ok due to we love each other and dun want to give up on the relationship. I think that is what makes the relationship grow stronger. After everything we went through, we finally decided to tie the knot next year. I was still young but was ready to settle down due to I am very sure he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Ok, resolution list

1) getting registered and married. Registered on 27 Feb 2011. Married on 30 Oct 2011.
2)enhance and add market value to myself by proactive in all my tasks/projects
3)I want to buy house....
4)I want money money money for marriage
5) Money again to buy gold for my nephew, niece, younger sis
6)Bonus
7)I need to slim down!! Cant fit into wedding gown
8)I want my wedding pics all nice
9)Stay healthy
10)Cook more variety for my future hubby.

Feeling happy

yo, it has been months i last updated here. Yea, reading back my previous post i realised that I was sad that time therefore causing me to rant a lot. Anyway, things are very much better now. Work..hmmm...not much to say but lots of things to do and learn a lot of new things.There was a decision to be made whether I would want to extend my knowledge but I am still considering. There is a rival at work which makes me really pissed off but life just have to go on. As for relationship, er..not badlah...so far I am happy. There are always ups and down but it is those challenges that make the relationship stronger. The shouting, yelling, crying , it is something essential in a relationship. Money is always a problem. Never enough. Why why? After two years of working, I still earning very little only woh. How ar? Get married and depend on husband? Nah, I dont like the idea of depending on husband. Need to be independent. When can I earn a lot of money. I tired of looking at the account book seeing that my saviings never grow. How can it grow when I start to save some and then I use more than that amount after a few months? I start to freak out already on this as the people surrounding me is saving a lot of money but I on the other hand, money keep reducing..Haih...

Ranting again...

4 weeks din update blog. What to do? I no longer got time to blog during my lunch time. Time is fully utilized nowadays till there is no time to read newspaper online.Workload was very heavy compare to last time. Ask me whether I am happy about it, I am neutral because I learn a lot of things compare to last time but there are sometimes, i get very stress up. Being someone who doesnt have good social skill and my "pretender" skills totally zero, I think i offended a lot of people when I am in bad mood. I admit I not those type easily get along with, and recently, I been having some problem with certain people. The higher your hope, the faster u feel disappointed.What I want to say your action reflects your attitude.Well, hell yea, i feel insecure, I have no idea what is on your mind.i wonder sometimes whether I am important to you. So ended up, I keep crying and crying each time I think of you. Who wants to go endure this kind of pain? What the point of crying?Yea, my rational mind knows it is not use but I just a normal human being. Not a machine which have no emotions. I feel lost, dont know what to do but extremely sad. I know life have to go on, therefore I wonder if going for a break will helps. As usual, budget very tight but I can still afford to go near place for two days, one night. Still got enough annual leave for that. Where should I go? Genting Highlands?

Time to change

Re organisation already complete. New ways of handling things,processes therefore it is time to accept new challenges. I am not sure whether i can do it but will try my best.I learn new things quite often so I am quite happy.During this transition period, there are many things to be done therefore the working hours fully utilized. Looking forward to deal things in a different way.

There are times...

There are times when I feel like crying ,
There are times when I feel that I'm breaking down,
There are times when I feel that it is end of the world,
Thats the time, I wonder where are u?

There are times I feel there is empty place in my heart,
There are times I feel so sad that I feel pain in my heart,
There are times I feel that everyone is against me,
Thats the time I need you to be there for me

There are times I feel that I am being left out ,
There are times I feel I am all alone in a dark alley,
There are times I cant find a way out of my problems ,
Thats the time I need you to stand by my side supporting me

There are times people crashing my heart with hurtful words,
There are times people stabbing me on the back,
There are times people start to hurt me with their actions,
Thats the time I need you to comfort me and hold me tight

Do you know who/what I am referring to?

Just On time

I think i wanna thank God for helping me. I was going to have some financial issue this month due to the car insurance and road tax. Tot want to "ikat perut" already since I have settle everything from my credit card bills, room rental, parents allowance+car loan, car insurance and road tax and last weekend is Windsir warehouse sale. I bought bedsheets, small bolster, bolster,curtain ,mattress protector, and even some lingerie. This has cost a lot and all paid in cash. Seriously broke but quarter performance came in just on time to save my financial issue. Yes, I getting bonus for this month payroll. Yay!....Thank god, thank Digi for helping me out!