i wish things will stay the way they are

been busy lately.there are so many things to settle.2 lab reports,fyp,exams...but it is ok,i can still take it.been locking myself up at home for three days but my dramas accompany me most of the time.my head getting heavier day by day.sometimes,i felt really tired and want to give up but i just cant.the road almost coming to an end and my journey of working life will start soon.i do not want to stay in mmu for another year,staying in mlk for other purpose is ok but not studying in mmu.i have been studying for many years and it is really enough for the time being.i din really have a break without worry about my studies for a long time.the break i had after i finish my pmr and spm were one of my best time of my life and i longed for that kind of break.my fyp still not finish done and i am still working in it.hols was great but just a little trouble happen at home.i was sort of stuck between my parents.thank god it was over and everything was back normal.my financial was sort of frozen during the break due to my familys' problem and deep inside,i got a bit panic.my money sort of stuck for the payment of prom.hope everything will be settle soon.there is another reason why i locked myself up at home.i din want to meet anyone because there is something bothering my mind.well "you" did called me few times but i din picked up ur call because i dun know what to say to " you" anymore.i told myself many times that "you" are history already but somehow "you" always appear all of sudden when i feel down.come to think of it,how many people actually understand what i want and what i like?some people just dun get what i want and what is on my mind.for example,my fren here doesnt know what i want.this fren always treat me food(i did the same to return favour,i not the type that just receive) but that is not what i want my fren to do."you" know what i like the most.i like anything related to "stars" and u once give me a star which i treasure a lot.I once had a bunch of frens that know what i like the most.i still remember my 18th birthday when they give me a present i really like.those are the gifts i never forget.i wonder when i will found someone who knows what i want and read my mind.perhaps never...i kind of tired and class soon.sayonara!

cny dinner at pei zing restaurant,malacca

me and fern

from left :my tele coursemate (chiau ee),me,fern,lilian,yin ching,feli,kai xuan

from left:me,fern,lilian,kai xuan and feli~

year 2008

cant believe i actually din blog here for more than 2 months.well,been busy lately and kind of lazy to blog also.well,my training presentation was kind of screwed up.well,do not want to talk about it further as the chapter is closed.fyp,no progress.i need to get my strength back to do my fyp,in the sense of mentality.physically,i have become fatter.good food in ipoh certainly helps me to gain weight.training was sucks but my colleagues were great.well,third sem already starts but until now,i wasnt ready to face the challenges yet.been thinking a lot lately till i do have a lot of white hair.oh yea,i did dye my hair to natural brown.not because wanna become stylish but just to cover up those bloody white hair.my ex colleagues been teasing me a lot about them as i tied up my hair during work time.oh yea,before i forgot ,i have NIECE!yup,u heard me right,i am now officially upgraded to the status "auntie".she is damn adorable except for the crying part.well,"auntie" is kind of lame or "ah yee" thus i prefer her to call me " auntie jo "hehe.she certainly brought a lot of joy to my parents.well,everyone's life has up and downs and i was kind of down past two weeks.i have cried a lot also but i know it doesnt help to solve the problem.was kind of glad it was over.been confused lately also.not sure what i want or which path to take in the future.during training,i have indeed seen a lot.the ugliness of people(not physically but it is their heart).sometimes i wonder am i becoming like those people yet someone told me it is different because i feel bad after i did something wrong and that the difference of me and them.i saw the greed human has,taking advantage and willing to do anything to get what u want and being over ambitious, 'kiasu' people.the working life there is horrible with stabbing back one another.thats reality and i should live with it.haih.i told myself many times to move on without "u" but there is still a light shadow of "u" inside my heart.my mind has take 90% in charge of my decision making already.i told myself it is ok and everything is fated.no point i keep on putting effort to get something i want.what belongs to u will come to u.just want to lead a simple and happy life now!

flash back

well,been addicted to tvb drama lately."the ultimate crime fighter".it is really good drama.most of the actors is my favourite .anyway,there is one part in the drama reminds me of my past.it is really painful to see the one you love taken by somebody else.only those experienced that will know how painful it is especially u have fall deep for that person.till now,i am still not sure on how i feel about "you" but few years back,i really feel the pain of losing someone i love to another person.the sad thing i can never tell "you" how i feel thus i keep everything inside my heart.i told myself to forget everything but it is really hard.anyway,time really heals.i finally manage to forget it at last.anyway to me,the most painful experience i ever had is to lose someone i love forever.i never forgot those moments.i still miss her all this while.i have no idea when i will let go,perhaps till the day i leave this world.i found it hard to accept ,i know how nature runs but it is really hard.extremely hard but i remind myself life have to go on and she is in a better place now.a lot have happen to me recently but i lazy to write everything down.time to go.adios!

life

nothing much to do on saturday there decided to write blog.how you define life?bed of roses?nah,life is definitely not like that at all.at least not for me.i wish i can turn back time as i feel really happy when i was younger.no worries.my childhood was great with i got all the attention from my parents,no need to go school,kindergarten was just a place i have frens and have fun and i was a damn cheerful kid and u can see that obviously from my pics at home.what have i become now?i complained like a nanny now and u seldom can see my smile.what is worse,during my training,i cried a lot.i have no idea how much tears i had shed on my pillow and yet i still put on a mask when i face people.i do not want people to know or my parents to get worried.i seldom cry last time as my life have been smooth but right now,i always cry,i noticed i have become very weak.my heart has become very fragile where tiny matters will stab my heart really hard.i told myself to be strong and face those challenges but my mind doesnt allow me to do that and worse still,my evil dark side start to control my mind and my good side is battling hard.u always heard that good always win over evil and it does applied to my life.my good side manage to suppress my evil side for now.i have no idea when there will be a time my evil side will conquer but i do hope that wont happen.when the situition gets bad,i cant guarantee what i will do in the future.so far,i have a very firm stand on my belief and my principle.i believe in god for he is the mighty one ,i believe god will reward those kind people and bless them.i have no idea whether i am in the kind people category.will i go to heaven or hell?no one can answer that.there is a moment,i saw my loved ones with my eyes open .i wasnt dreaming.i was so happy to see her.i tot i have let go of the past but nope,i din as i cant believe it was her that i saw.yup,some of u might think i am nuts(i think that too) but the feeling was so real.at that moment,time sort of rewind back to the times i was small.she was smiling ,the same smile i saw four years ago in my dream and u know what?my eyes were still open and the past came back,i saw with my own eyes how she left me.my logical and common sense return back to me.my eyes were still open and this time,i closed my eyes and return to sleep.anyone can explain to me what have just happen?i dun think anyone can give me explaination.some of you must said,i am dreaming,or having hallucination,fantasy or whatsoever.so many things have happen,i just hope the rest of the coming days will be better.i hope the people i loved(my parents,family and frens) will stand beside me walking on this journey of life~

rule the world

if u watch stardust,then u sure know this song as this is the soundtrack of this fascinating movie!.

You light the skies, up above me
A star, so bright, you blind me, yeah
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t fade away, don’t fade away-

Oh

Yeah you and me we can ride on a star
If you stay with me girl
We can rule the world-
Yeah you and me we can light up the sky
If you stay by my side
We can rule the world-

If walls break down, I will comfort you
If angels cry, oh I’ll be there for you




You've saved my soul
Don’t leave me now, don’t leave me now

Oh

Yeah you and me we can ride on a star
If you stay with me girl
We can rule the world
Yeah you and me, we can light up the sky
If you stay by my side
We can rule the world-

Ooooooooh
All the stars are coming out tonight
They're lighting up the sky tonight
For you, for you
All the stars are coming out tonight
They’re lighting up the sky tonight
For you, for you-
[these lyrics are found on http://www.songlyrics.com]

Ooooooooh

Yeah you and me we can ride on a star
If you stay with me girl
We can rule the world
Yeah you and me, we can light up the sky
If you stay by my side
We can rule the world

All the stars are coming out tonight (oooooooh)
They’re lighting up the sky tonight
For you, for you-
All the stars are coming out tonight
They're lighting up the sky tonight
For you,for you-

All the stars, are coming out tonight
They're lighting up the sky tonight
For you, for you-
All the stars, are coming out tonight
They're lighting up the sky tonight
For you,for you-

me at one utama

my best fren and me!

this song is dedicated to my frens

shining frens

A little faith,
Brightens a rainy day,
Life is difficult you can go away,
Don't hide yourself in a corner,
You have my place to stay,

Sorrow is gonna say goodbye,
Opens up,
You'll see the happy sunshine,
Keep going on with your dream,
Chasing tomorrow sunrise,
The spirit can never die,

Sun will shine, my friend,
Won't let you cry, my dear,
Seeing you shed a tear,
Make my world disappear,
You'll never be alone in darkness,

See my smile, my friend,
We are with you, holding hands,
You have got to believe you are my destiny
We're meant to be your friends,
That's what a friend should be


this song is dedicated to all my frens.i believe i have sang this song to a few of my close frens(u must be very proud,live show from me using my mic!)haha.

some pics of myself

feel very much better

been having a lot of problems recently.i have been keeping a lot of things inside my heart till it cant accomodate anymore.anyway,i went out with one of my best fren last sunday.well,i definitely feel very much better telling everything out.actually,i just a need a good listener.Besides this,i told my problem to a good fren of mine.i am not going to reveal here who he is(blek!)i feel really happy because i know he still care about me.i really thought he forgot about me already.before this i mention about happiness sort of overshadow my sorrow.true,it did happen but i was very lucky as i still feel the happiness now since my mood already back to normal.i finally realised how important u are to me.i might be nothing to you but to me,u are the one that brightens my day when i think o your smile.u came first on my mind when i saw a bunch of cute christmas gift when i was in sunway pyramid yesterday.i recall back all the moments we share together.i will laugh sometimes when i think of the past.u and ur cute expression and ur behavior when we watched "the brave one".well,besides u,i miss my younger sis also.though i always argue and fight with her,but i still love her.i told her before that she is my "precious".On the night i was very sad,i called my mum and she told me jolly want to reserve chocolate cake for me,i cant control my tears and cried on the phone.The reason is because i was really touched and one of the person who truly loves me is my younger sis though she might be a "monster" sometimes .oh yea,i currently a big fan of danson tang.i still a big fan of fahrenheit and of course joe cheng forever.heard fahrenheit will be in malaysia in december 1 st for S.H.E concert.i got no money to go to their concert so support mentally.hehe.attached is the picture of daNSon,wu zun and joe cheng

training

well,long time din blog already.though there is internet at the place i stay but still lazy to do blogging as i felt very tired after work.from the previous entry,u can see that i paste some pictures on my jogoya trip.the food there is yummy and it is really worth it though it is a bit expensive.about my training,there are a lot of things happen everyday.the good and bad ones.the good ones i will keep as memories and the bad ones,i will take it as a lesson.i might just a weak girl who will cry easily when i encounter problems,even tiny problems but i wont just give up.i always remind myself to think positive and life have to go on though in my journey ,there are a lot of downs and sometimes,i really fall very hard but i consider myself lucky as i always got help from my parents and i will stand up again.i have shed a lot of tears and i know shedding tears doesnt help at all but tears is something i cant control but i feel much better after crying rather than keep everything inside.actually,i have been keeping a lot of things inside,things i cant reveal to others and tiny problems are just a chance that makes me go broke down.well,there are certain things that brings me joy also.what i hate the most is usually when i feel happiness and at the same time,sorrow overshadowed my happiness.why is that?why ?why ?my happiness is when "u" din forget about me and u send a sms to cheer me up when i told u about my sorrow.U were always there for me.u have been there all this while but before this,i just din realise ur existance.i wish to share all my happiness and sorrow with U but u are just too far away.well,i am looking forward to ending of training.About what happen today which actually caused me to break down,i dun wish to reveal it here (if u are a good fren of mine,u should know about what happen to me today)if anyone have my another blog address,i will update the details there.adios!

wonderful song from tsubasa chronicle

kiss me sweet,
i am sleeping in silence,
all alone in ice and snow,
in my dream,i
calling your name,
u are my love,
in your eyes,
i search for my memory,
lost in vain,
so far in the scenery,
hold me tight ,
and swear again and again,
we will never be apart,
if you could touch my feathers softly,
i will give u my love,
we set sail in the darkness of the night,
out to the sea,
to find me there,
to find u there,
love me now if u dare,
kiss me sweet,
i sleeping in sorrow,
all alone,
to see u tomorrow,
in my dream,
i am calling your name,
u are my love,
my love

me and see yee

from left:me,dilys and tony

from left:gravin,see yee and me

crab.....super nice

tiramisu

orange cheesecake

codfish (my favourite)