The down part of my life.. Miscarriage

Well it was a backdated post.Now only I have the guts to write it down.After all, it was over.Middle of March, I discover that
I am pregnant when my period was late for two weeks. Well, was really suprised when the two lines appear in the pregnancy kit.
Didnt know what to do, I was really nervous that time.However, little did I know, the happiness doesnt last long.After two days found out that
I was preggie, I was having spotting. I knew I need to see Dr Loo and two injections was given and was told to rest one week.
In that week, I was really scared and paranoid.However, I actually have a bad feeling and my instinct was right. During the Monday visit,
Doc told me to be prepared.I was devasted that time but I still praying for miracle. I went back to work and few days after that,
I saw fresh blood came out when I go toilet. It was around 530pm, and almost time to leave office.I rush back home, worried what will happen next.
Although the bleeding stop , but I knew something was wrong. On Friday, Dr Loo ask me whether I know what is going on and I nodded my head.
She gave me three options, D&C which will cost around 2.5k , eat medicine , or wait for it to come out. I knew the waiting option is out
as I cant bear the pain I have to go through while waiting. I opt for the medicine that will force it to come out. My heart was really broken, I knew it wasnt anyone's fault
but I was too sad.Doc gave me pain killer which at my first thought, is it that painful? Silly me, little did I know, the stomach cramp
was so painful till I cant even stand up.It is not a one time pain but the pain start from 2pm till 10pm. Tears keep flowing that day, asking god, how come I need to go through this?
Despite the truth that I miscarriage, I knew inside my heart, my coming days will be in much pathetic state.
Nothing to stop my father in law from coming over to my house, a home which I build with my hubby. Dr Loo told me not to give up, she said it was unlucky that it was a blighted ovum but
it is low possibility that it will happen. I was curious, is it because I have PCOS? She told me that even a normal woman without PCOS will come across this problem.
I told myself, there is hope and I need to eat more nutritious food to keep myself healthy and hopefully period will be regular.
At first, I am sad but I got over it after a week.My coming days will be much more painful, with my father in law hanging around my house.
Due to I need to restore my health, I will cook for myself and eat at my apartment before returning to my house.There is no way, I eating dinner
with a selfish old man. I dun eat with heartless people. You might ask, why so bad towards an old man? No, he is no ordinary old man.
He is a selfish man who use sympathy to take advantage of my hubby.Even when I was in preggie, he insisted that he come over to my house just for his own comfort.
A heartless man who will never even pay a visit to his sick wife in hospital. Although my mum in law passed away, not even once he will go for Cheng Beng.
Heartless and selfish. Even my grandma which I dun like will visit my grandfather during Cheng Beng. I lost respect to this kind of people. Even animals, they
have feelings.A beast...I dun eat dinner with a beast.

Open minded is Not an easy thing to be

In one week of thinking, I have learn to accept the fate.Accept what lies in front of me and the outcome of it, I dont have choice but to accept
I can sleep well for the last one week without crying myself to sleep. I told myself, have courage and go through it with a brave heart.
I am scared, really scared but there is no way to run, avoid it.Besides this, I have accept the idea of accepting my father in law as charity. Unwillingly, but
I told myself, its ok, I just do some charity and shouldnt calculate with such person. It feels much better
when I think in such a way.My mum shared a story with me yesterday on a daughter in law went into depression and it took her three years to recover from it due
to work stress, family and also taking care of father in law.My mum advised me to be open minded and it took quite some time to be able to do that.

Feeling down

Very down. Never felt so down before. Its hard to explain here but things has gone out of hand. This are the times I felt, I want to wrap up myself and jump to the dark,deep sea and disappear from this world. You must ask, what happen till this extend, I want to gave up my life? A series of unfortunate events. I have come across challenges and never I face such tough challenge. I always look at the brighter side and think of a solution but I dont have for this one. There is no way out. Already having a lot of problems, I tot God answer my prayer and grant me happiness but sadly , the happiness doesnt last. It was taken away from me, I never felt so sad in my life, I ended up crying and crying. Being alone in the house now freaks me out as my mind keep thinking and thinking why such thing happen. Can god give me a miracle? Deep down inside, I know very slim chance but I still hope. Hope for better. No matter what, I have to go through it and I know, the journey next month will be even tougher. Please give me strength to continue on.....I dont want to trouble my old mum with my problems but I have no one else to refer to. No one....my siblings are too busy with their life.I know I am not a small kid that can complain to my mum, I need to find a solution and to go pass the challenge of accepting fate but its hard. I am trying very hard here, trust me.