A cold Thursday morning

It is me again.Been stressful nowadays. No wonder the amount of white hair on my head has doubled up. A lot
is on my mind. Especially work work and work. How am I going to meet my kpi this year? The stress on baby also the same.
Mum keep nagging and pushing me to do the laproscopy ovarian drilling.I feel alone as if I am the only one left in
this world each time I need to face this kind of issue. It is indeed mental torturing. Is it not having children
is the end? No, it isnt. I have many other things to settle. I know mum is worried but I am sorry, this is beyond my control.
If you were in my shoes, u will know how hard it is for me to accept the fact, I can never have kids.
My hubby feels the same as well with all the questions from his frens and colleagues. I dont want to give him
a hard time , it is like adding salt in the wound.no matter what happens, as long as we have each other, i think
it is enough.Recently, I get to know the value of money better. What is money? I never felt so poor in my life.
Well the reality hits me. When you dont have money,each cent counts and you need to think twice before you buy something.
I sometimes feel sad when I think of myself reaching the age of 50 years old. Without money, how to survive?
What if I am sick, like diabetes, hypertension? I dont even have children that can look after me, or someone who call me.This kind of thoughts
will bring tears to my eyes.It was even more painful when I tot of my hubby. I always tell my mum, we are consider lucky. How many people are there
who has children but the children is far away and they dun even have money. This is where the importance of money comes to me.
When we are young, we can make money as people will hire, but what happens when you are old? You wont be able to make money.
Each and everyone of us will grow old.I have seen old aunties selling biscuit just to survive.Pityful. Luck wasnt on their side.
Children nowadays tend to forget their parents, where their roots come from.I see children scolding their parents just because the parents doesnt have money.Imagine if someday
your children scold u, yet this ungrateful children never put their shoes in the parents.I am not saying I am perfect either, I will try my very best.
I feel I have not done enough, not enough for my daddy. The memories is still very fresh on my mind.It was father's day.
I went back to my hometown one week before Father's day and I did treat my dad a nice meal at Jusco Station 18. It never occur to me, it was my last meal with my dad.
On the week which is the exact Father's day, I din go back. My elder sis and her family went home and when I call my dad, he was asking me to go back along with my sis.
I was tired, thus I told him, I need to spend time with hubby too since I already went back Ipoh previously.I didnt know that it was my last chance to see my daddy.
Learning from this, no matter how difficult my mum is, I tried to be patient. Although I m not earning much, I bring her to nice food, travelling to short trips as her leg
still not yet fully recovered.
I still give money to her every month, its not much but enough to make her happy. Even when my dad is alive, I do give money to him monthly also just to make him happy.
Will be bringing my mum to Singapore soon in Oct. I feel we as children must do our part, doesnt mean your parents has a lot of money, children can take advantage.
Its not the amount of money, but old people feel happy when children give them money.I have seen children abandon their parents,some even work as a gynae in Singapore.
Pity the mother that has raise up a gynae, but end up alone. Its sad to see such scenerio, it reminds me not to be like this kind of people. Earning a lot but whats the point?
So, please be nice to your parents while they are still alive. We never know when someday they will just leave without saying goodbye.
To my daddy, although I din do my best, but at least, I have bring you to go hols,makan makan and those memories will always be in my mind.