Bye to year 2012, hello 2013..

The year of 2012 is ending with just a few days left. This year has been one of the most sorrowful year with the sudden death of my beloved daddy. It is not easy to accept and I miss him a lot. He was the pillar strength of family,things has been very difficult especially involving my mum. I feel very sad each time I go back to visit my mum in Ipoh but there is nothing to do to ease the pain. I felt angry with my grandma , very angry with all her evil deeds.Deep inside, I asking myself, why is she not the one that passed away? Why is it has to be my dad? My dad was a kind person, he doesnt deserve this kind of ending.Time will heal but I not sure when as tears keep flowing down each time I think of my daddy. It wasnt easy as it seems to forget someone u really love and care. Anyway, time to move on to my resolution for 2013; 1) to have a good health 2) earn more money(perhaps an increment after I have confirmed from TIME?) 3) able to travel overseas( Singapore / Korea is the next destination) 4) able to rent out Lagoon Suites apartment 5) a baby perhaps( baby is a gift from god, I not sure whether he is giving me a chance to be a mother or not) 6) my nephew free of kutu throughtout the year(i call him "kutu king" currently 7) hubby to be promoted from senior manager to head of dept(so that I can goyang kaki and retired) 8) getting a new car( hmm...Toyota Vios G limited is on my mind)hehe...I drive this car to work everyday but I want to own it and not loaning from my mum. hehe...However, I still love my Proton Persona so perhaps this one will need to forward to year 2014 most likely 9) my mum's health to be good and I want to spend more time with her(if can, without the annoying younger sis) 10) to avoid my in laws (especially my hubby's annoying younger bro who like to show off his son...yes, i know i dont have a son but no need to show off like that.

Langkawi trip

Yes, we went to Langkawi for holiday. I have been planning to hols since March 2012. Flights all booked already so I cant cancel it. Yes, it is time to mourn for my daddy but to me, We need to face the reality. Crying will never bring back my daddy. The truth is hard to accept but we have to accept the fact that "daddy will never come back home ever again". It was nice to go for a trip to put the sad past behind and relax a bit. We spend quite a lot on the souvenier , chocolates. Although it is expensive but I feel that money is not that important, it is important for survival but it is not the most important thing.I regret that I keep postphone a lot of things which I plan to do with my parents due to M(money) factor. Now, I want to take out the money also no use, my daddy is no longer around. So , live life to the fullest as we dont know when one day, we just leave the world just like that. The underwater world was freaking expensive. I even spend RM45 on the pic they took(the cost is around rm10 only) but when I think if i didnt buy, sure regret later as I have no idea when will be the next Langkawi trip. Bought lots of chocolates and also liquor. Couldnt bring much since there is limitation on flight but I bought rougly around 10 batik sarong. Freaking cheap there. Can make lots of skirts to pair up with my Nyonya kebaya. Plan to wear my nyonya kebaya during the Raya makan makan. Who knows? I might won the best dress for the event(perasan hor?). Blek Time to go....sayonara

Things will never be the same again

It has been more than a month but the pic of my beloved daddy is still very fresh in my mind. There wasnt a single day I wont think about him but I told myself " He is in a much better place" and my life has to go on. There are times, I felt sorry for my mum as she has to go through this. It is definitely not easy to lose someone u love and has been with together for more than 30 years.There are times I thought of my daddy and tears keep flowing from my eyes. It was heartache but I do believe, time will heal the wound. Loneliness without my daddy, my mum has to bear each and every day. Weekdays, it will only be just her alone in the house. Thinking about that, I feel helpless not able to help her to feel much better. There is nothing I can do. My life , career is all in Kl. No choice, I just hope when the right time comes, she will retire and I will take good care of her. Going back Ipoh each time bring back the memories. We are all humans, we cant just erase the memory of my daddy. I not sure when we will feel much better but I tried to help my mum in every way I could. I feel tired each time travelling but not even once, I will complain to my mum. I just told myself " i need to be strong and hang on".Things will never be the same again without my daddy around. We got so used to be dependent on him but no choice, from now on, everything, we need to settle it ourselves. Never come across my mind, I need to go through this . I thank god, that I do have someone there beside me when I feel sad. Thanks to my dear hubby for being patient, helping me all the way. I hope my mum will be strong. Yes, we both cried at night whenever we mention about daddy but I believe, someday, we will be able to put the past behind us and move on without shedding any tears. I love my daddy and will always be. I have made a promise to take care of my mum and I hope I have the ability, strength to do that.

A nightmare, the day I lost one of the most important people in my life..

25 June 2012, I do not think that I will forget this day for the rest of my life. It was a day like any ordinary day,I called my mum after work to have a chat with her. Reached home, I just rush to the kitchen to cook dinner for my dear. It was after dinner, I took a glance at my hp and realize my mum has been calling me for more than 5 times. Was worried and immediately return her call.She told me that daddy never went home. It was 8pm that time.I got panic the moment I heard this. In my heart, I knew something bad must have happen to him but I do not want to make mum worried therefore I told my mum to go to his office to search for him.I was freaking scared, my hands are cold. Was thinking on the next move,while I keep calling my daddy's hp number. Decided to call up Digi to trace my daddy's number.The moment I got the location(which serving site), I ask my mum to go with my uncle to find daddy.I couldnt do anything at all except waiting for my mum to call. At 11pm, mum decided to report police and continue with the search by contacting all the hospital. We thought that perhaps he was fainted , therefore unable to reach us. I do not wish my mum to go through the night without anyone helping her, thus I decided to rush back home with my hubby. On the way back,my mum called and inform me that my dad has passed away.She was crying on the phone.It was my hubby driving at that time.I was seriously shocked when I heard the news. I didn't burst into tears as I do not want to affect my hubby's mood.But after a while, I couldnt control myself any longer. Tears were flowing down when I think about my daddy.Reaching home around 3am. Mum still not back yet.My daddy died at the construction site and I didnt know the way to go there thus I waited at home. I called mum few times and she told lots of reporters were there and the police doesnt allow her to go near to my daddy's body. When she came back home, her face was pale. I told my hubby to go to bed while I comfort my mum. She burst into tears telling me she doesnt know how to go on with life without my daddy around. I just hug her and told her ,she still got us. It was 4am, and I feel time was ticking very very slow. I couldnt sleep with my mind keep thinking on what happen to my daddy. Tears keep flowing. Mummy was beside me and we comfort each other.Never come across my mind this day will come so fast where the pillar strength of the family will leave us and return back to God.The body was at the Hospital Ipoh mortuary therefore we woke up early in the morning to go to hospital.Mummy was sad and didnt have much appetite. As daughter, I feel the pain of seeing my mum in such a way but there is nothing to be done. Comforting words helps but I dun have the ability to make the pain away. The undertaker was there at the mortuary and there was a delay in claiming my daddy's body due to he has to undergo post mortem first. In between, we went with the undertaker to settle the rest of the things for the wake. At last, the moment came for us to identify and claim the body. It was only me, mum and my hubby there. Elder sis was on the way back and Jolly was at the university. I went inside with my mum.It was very cold inside. I hold my mum as I afraid she will collapse. There lies my daddy's body covering with a white cloth. The hospital attendant open the cloth,it was at that moment, I feel the pain,it was as if a very long sharp knife stab through my heart. Words cannot describe how hurtful it is to see the one u loved lie there motionless with big stitches across his body. Quickly, we said yes, and we left the room as both of us cant bare to look further. Tears start to roll on our eyes.I thank god my sisters was not there to go through this. It was just a short moment but that moment has a huge impact. The news was on NTV7 and TV3 the following night. It was on newspaper,internet as well. Phone calls non stop, relatives was there. I stay strong as I know,there are so much things to be done. Everything was handle by me, as my sis need to take care of her kids. Each time I saw my daddy pic, and during the prayers, I cant control my tears.He was a good father to me and my sisters. I keep reminding myself, he is now in a better place. Life still have to go on.It was really hard times and never a day, i wont think about my daddy. I believe time will heal the wound. It was only one month, and all of us needs time to get over it.The memories of my daddy will always stay inside my mind.