What is happiness to you?

Something came up my mind this morning. How do you define happiness? What actually satisfies you? I believe Happiness is something all of us will be after. I was even approached by one of my junior on a project called "Happy Life". So, what is happiness to you? Is happiness the day you walk on the aisle where you made your wedding vows in front of your family and frens? Do you think those fairy tale in Disney movies with the ending "happily ever after" is true? I used to think that was called happiness when I was a kid. When I was a kid,life has been great and I can say it was the happiest phase in my life as I dont have worries, everyday it is about playing with other kids,I do not know what is having money or how to make more money, the problems in life.It was great till you can always see a chubby girl smilling always in almost every pic my parents took of me. However , as I grew up, when I look at my own pics, I have changed from a cute ,cheerful girl into someone who seldom smiles. The smiles has been probably reduced 80% compare to when I was a kid.The reality sucks.I have always wanted to go back time but it is impossible right? Like the saying "time is gold, once passed, you can never get it back".The day I lost my beloved daddy is one of the saddest day in my life.I knew someday he will leave me, but not that soon not in such a way without saying goodbye. Only god knows how much pain I went through that night. In the midst of darkness, is it possible to find happiness? I feel almost impossible. There is no smile. I sort of collapsed , losing the battle with happiness. But it is not the end, if we think that happiness is gone, thats where we land ourself into the land of depression. Time passed, and I found my happiness back but it is never the same happiness I experience when I was a kid. To me, happiness is when you spend time with your loved one by going to hols, happiness when I achieved my KPI and when I bought another property with my own hard earned money. Thats the happiness I define for myself. Although I dont have the luck/good fate on having a child,I am sure a child is also consider a happiness for every parents but I feel blessed to find my "the one". We might want a lot of things in life but if it is not fated,we also cant do anything.I feel I can find other happiness to compensate those things we cant have. Life is indeed a roller coaster , with ups and down.

Sabah trip ( March 2014)

Q2 2014 coming to an end

Well, I din even realized that it has been more than 3 months I didnt write a new post in my blog. Time flies in 2014. Well, to sum up, Q1 2014 has been really good. Went to Sabah in March and it was really a great, relaxing trip with dear. Food there is great and I ate lobster for the first time. Cost rm90 but consider cheap as it was a huge one. Been working hard for the first quarter due to bonus will be out in April 2014 and I need to ensure I met all the KPI set. Unfortunely, I only manage to met 5/6 KPI. Although a bit dissapointed with myself,I have to admit I din put enough effort. Will try my best this year. Satisfied with the three months bonus(better than my previous company) but not sure how long I can stay in this company. Boss driving me crazy once a week, its hard to tolerate with single lady boss. Things doesnt go too well in my family. I feel sad each time when I feel my siblings seems to wonder off far away. I tried my best to keep everyone together but seems I have failed. Things got heated up during the week that we went to court to settle dad's assets. Arguments and we sort of shouting and yell at each other. Not to mention, my mum keep crying and being unreasonable.I ask myself, what happen to my family? If dad was around, he probably will be very sad to see our family in such a state. I was at a lost on what to do that time. Elder sis sort of lost control of herself that time. Mum was in a very sad, emotional state. In my mind, I was whispering "daddy, can u help us to go through such hard times?" The court session went well and although things are back to normal now but deep inside, I knew, the torns will always be there and there is nothing can be done to remove it away. Just as the sadness of losing my daddy, it will never fade away in my mum heart no matter how long the time passed. Life still have to go on.Sometimes, I tried to make my mum understand but her stuck up attitude refuse to listen. Each time, she was telling me on "there is no difference with having children with no children". I feel she was being not satisfied with life, ungrateful with what she had and I tell her straight on the face as well. She will said "no", living in a state of denial. I have tried to ask my colleague on this kind of problem. According to her, parents tend to be like that as they have some influence from their frens where this frens have ungrateful children being bad to them, causing them to brainwash the other party as well. I find this really true. This is because my mum do have a couple fren where their children doesnt bother about them and they sort of complaining their children to my mum. I m not saying this couple is bad but somehow, they do influence my mum until she keep feeling the children sort of abandon her(which is not true at all). I have no idea on how to fix this. Mentality is the hardest thing to fix as there is no control on this.Its really hard , I dont want to scold my mum on this , I just want her to know, we ,as children, we tried our best. You cant expect too much and I dont like the idea of parents threatening the children with materials. Well, my health sort of ok but I getting sick of the catering food thus decided to end it end of May and will resume cooking by myself. Mum keep buggin me on the "having children" issue. The series of I going to visit gynae from last year till April 2014 was a series of nightmare. I hate the idea of going through such thing. I do this for my hubby but I dun know how to make him understand the concept of "its just the two of us" and we should enjoy each other company instead of having kids. Reaching 30 soon and I realized the chance of conceiving a child is less than 50%. I am tired of trying, frankly speaking. If fated, then we just need to accept it. All I ask for is to have good health, good menstrual cycle. Please grant me this. I dont ask for more.