the past, the present and the future

Well, finally i have time to blog.I am back from PD-MLK trip. In short, I had a great weekend.This blog of mine is the place where I will be myself and speak whatsoever inside my heart. how old am i?Soon to be 24 but looking back, I have gone through a lot. From happiness, my darkest part...shame...sadness...heartbroken.Yes, I think I have grown a lot. I no longer the small kid I used to be, the one that always play in Ipoh Garden East playground, refuse to study till my mum beat me up or the one that ran away from home, I have changed from being a cheerful, friendly kid into someone who keep quiet all the time with a lot of things to think about. I miss my childhood times but time will never stop ticking.Yes, some of you might call me a "freak" also as I am someone who always put a sour face and not friendly.Have you ever lost someone? Lost as if u no longer can see that person or no longer frens with that fella. Being a "freak", I have go through that.If you notice in my blog, I sort of having a virtual war with another blogger till I stop everything. This blogger is not that important to me so the impact to me is minor but I did lost a fren before. It is not because we have argument, it is because of other reason. I have lost in touch with this person which I hope I can see him someday , that also if I can still recognise him.One of my happiest time is all my fellow frens being together, spend time at shopping mall, watch movies in cinema...no worries . This frens of mine , I manage to keep in touch with some of them but things will never be the same. Another significant fren of mine which I mention here many times liao, I have a dream on "you". You were so happy and you told me that. It was such a wonderful dream that I woke up laughing to myself. This fren of mine is very important to me and he has gone through a lot. When u really care on someone, u only wish him to be happy and I really happy for him for living happily now and put down the past.Well, that is only 20% of my past, the present for now. What hurt the most is the one you care and love treat you the same way as others. The pain is really unbearable but perhaps i am really stupid. Each time, I just told myself, that person is different ....lying to myself. sometimes, my feelings cover up my rational thinking.I got so confused sometimes. a lot of people telling me that it is time to let go.I tried to...but it is really hard. The last time I have this kind of scenerio, it took me 3 years...ok, enough.The future...yes, i am going for an interview next Friday.I need to gain more experience in interview so just want to try out. Slim chance for the company to hire me but I wanna overcome my interview fear.Yes, i always nervous and forgot everything each time I go for interview for job. I admit I am useless in this. Hopefully, this will help me. My future in my current company is undecided. Not sure how is my career path and I kind of lost. My parents is very encouraging type and support me whatever I do. A lot of people look down on me, I dont blame them as I ,myself feel I am useless but I wont give up. I still young,still got time to learn...