flash back

well,been addicted to tvb drama lately."the ultimate crime fighter".it is really good drama.most of the actors is my favourite .anyway,there is one part in the drama reminds me of my past.it is really painful to see the one you love taken by somebody else.only those experienced that will know how painful it is especially u have fall deep for that person.till now,i am still not sure on how i feel about "you" but few years back,i really feel the pain of losing someone i love to another person.the sad thing i can never tell "you" how i feel thus i keep everything inside my heart.i told myself to forget everything but it is really hard.anyway,time really heals.i finally manage to forget it at last.anyway to me,the most painful experience i ever had is to lose someone i love forever.i never forgot those moments.i still miss her all this while.i have no idea when i will let go,perhaps till the day i leave this world.i found it hard to accept ,i know how nature runs but it is really hard.extremely hard but i remind myself life have to go on and she is in a better place now.a lot have happen to me recently but i lazy to write everything down.time to go.adios!

life

nothing much to do on saturday there decided to write blog.how you define life?bed of roses?nah,life is definitely not like that at all.at least not for me.i wish i can turn back time as i feel really happy when i was younger.no worries.my childhood was great with i got all the attention from my parents,no need to go school,kindergarten was just a place i have frens and have fun and i was a damn cheerful kid and u can see that obviously from my pics at home.what have i become now?i complained like a nanny now and u seldom can see my smile.what is worse,during my training,i cried a lot.i have no idea how much tears i had shed on my pillow and yet i still put on a mask when i face people.i do not want people to know or my parents to get worried.i seldom cry last time as my life have been smooth but right now,i always cry,i noticed i have become very weak.my heart has become very fragile where tiny matters will stab my heart really hard.i told myself to be strong and face those challenges but my mind doesnt allow me to do that and worse still,my evil dark side start to control my mind and my good side is battling hard.u always heard that good always win over evil and it does applied to my life.my good side manage to suppress my evil side for now.i have no idea when there will be a time my evil side will conquer but i do hope that wont happen.when the situition gets bad,i cant guarantee what i will do in the future.so far,i have a very firm stand on my belief and my principle.i believe in god for he is the mighty one ,i believe god will reward those kind people and bless them.i have no idea whether i am in the kind people category.will i go to heaven or hell?no one can answer that.there is a moment,i saw my loved ones with my eyes open .i wasnt dreaming.i was so happy to see her.i tot i have let go of the past but nope,i din as i cant believe it was her that i saw.yup,some of u might think i am nuts(i think that too) but the feeling was so real.at that moment,time sort of rewind back to the times i was small.she was smiling ,the same smile i saw four years ago in my dream and u know what?my eyes were still open and the past came back,i saw with my own eyes how she left me.my logical and common sense return back to me.my eyes were still open and this time,i closed my eyes and return to sleep.anyone can explain to me what have just happen?i dun think anyone can give me explaination.some of you must said,i am dreaming,or having hallucination,fantasy or whatsoever.so many things have happen,i just hope the rest of the coming days will be better.i hope the people i loved(my parents,family and frens) will stand beside me walking on this journey of life~