Staying positive

Tired of complaining, I keep myself occupied with my cross stitch and nano blocks. Work as usual pilling up with my boss adding misery to me everyday. Who want to switch their work place with me?Sitting in front of your boss is mental torture, with her hair full of dandruff, I am praying that it is not fleas/kutu. Besides that, I need to tolerate with her high pitch voice , its very torturing when I am busy doing my script, and she just keep talking to u non stop.Besides that, a teammate of mine is preggie, yes, every year there is a one preggie team mate , this has been happening consequently for two years. It is not that I am against preggie ladies just because I dont have a kid of my own but why each time also it has to be someone I need to backup? Early next year, I will need to back up the performance system all by myself , no vendor support. It gives me headache when I think of this. Lunch time will be babies topic, this happen since my teammate (guy) has a daughter and the trend has not stop since then.Haih, a miscarriage is already a very painful experience, I dont want to experience it again, in fact, I am not sure when I will be ready to try again. 3months? 6 months, I dont know. There are many other things on my mind. My Mlk house grill is ready, now pending for the lights and fans installation. Hope can rent out soon as cost of living is getting higher. I meeting ends meet already with my MLK house installment, my studio apartment. I dont even have extra money to change my 6 years old car. Kids? In reality, I dont know how I can save money if I have a kid. This is the pro part on not having kids where the money u earn, u spend it on yourself. With my liabilities, I not sure whether I really can afford to have a child or not. However, a lot couples earning less still have kids. Perhaps when the time comes, somehow we find a way. Staying positive is what I told myself. Positive on my work, on my life, on my job scope, on my hubby, my mum and siblings. I sometimes think of my dad too, how hard he work just to provide things for his children. I miss him although it has been 3 years he is gone. How much I want to tell him what I been through when he is not around. Worried the day my mum will leave me as well, but I know that day somehow will come. Part of life.Its not easy, my grandma pass away and it took me 5 years to get through it. Up till today, I still remember her face,her smile.3 years daddy gone, my siblings seems to be ok, but me and my mum , its not like we still hold on, but tears still flow whenever we think of him.I not sure how long it will take.Will be going for a short vacation in Oct to Krabi and I am looking forward to it. Sometimes, when I dont know who to talk to, I talk to God in my heart. I believe in God and to me, only one GOD(no matter I am buddhist, christian,islam,free thinker), the same God everyone believes.I hope he can give me strength to stay positive and be happy, that he will safe guard my loved ones.I am thankful with what I have today.

Down Down...

Life has been really in a mess. The long weekend suppose to be a relaxing weekend to spend time with my mum ,jolly and my hubby but it turned out to be a sorrowful weekend.
With the arrival of my father in law early in the morning after breakfast on Friday morning.Again, they come to my house empty handed, his sister family.
My instinct was right too that they are here to ask my hubby to belanja them lunch. Really too much thus I drove to Sunway Pyramid to shop with my mum and sis.
Bought my Innisfree serum and black head balm which burn a hole in my pocket.No regrets as I need shopping therapy.After a tiring day shopping, I went back home
when there wasnt anyone at home.I can feel my head was boiling but I just went to take a nice hot bath and spend time in my entertainment room.I was speechless when they came back home.Was afraid that I will
lose my temper if I start talking.My hubby totally ignore me as if I didnt exist. This silent war went on for the next two days before I lost my patience on Sunday morning.
Pity my mum need to listen to my constant complaint, unable to take it anymore, I ask my mum to come over to my house to have a discussion. I actually want to bring
the issue face to face with my father in law but he left before I can do that. The discussion didnt go well of course as my hubby insisted that I am in the wrong.
My mum was stuck between us, she cant "add fire" but she doesnt agree with Teh also.I cried and cried.He left for his fren wedding and I went to Amcorp Mall with my mum and sis.
Tears keep flowing when I think of him.I already sort of runaway from them but Teh doesnt understand. His expectations is that I will be nice to his father and serve him.
There is no way I will be doing this. So, I pack my bags when I went home in the evening.My mum tot I was joking but I really did pack my clothes and brought it to the apartment.
It was then my hubby saw I acted in such a way, he came to my mum apartment to bring me back home. I was reluctant as I knew the problem doesnt resolve. My father in law
will still come to my house some day.I dont want my mum to worry, thus I just went back home. I do love my hubby but his family is going in between us. I can
tolerate anything but not his family. I have no idea on how to solve this...Teh is very stubborn as well.Haih..a miscarriage is already scary and sad and yet, more problems on the way.
Bonus little, increment little...I need a break. Will be going Krabi on Oct and really looking forward to it.