Being EMO....

Sometimes when I am sad, I dont show it but it doesnt mean I am not crying inside , its just that I prefer to look at the positive side rather than the negative side. I dont talk about it doesnt mean I dun have feelings , it is just that I hold on to the principle "life just have to go on". No matter how challenging the path look, we still have to go through it. Cant sit down and keep crying. It doesnt helps I always remind myself that no matter what happens, I need to be strong. Sometimes I wish to share my sorrow with my dear, but deep down, I know it will only make him unhappy with me,thus I normally drop the idea of telling him how I feels. Sometimes, I cried at night without anyone knowing, crying myself to sleep. Its always not easy during this time of the year. Its a new beginning of the Chinese calendar year, but yet i feel very sorrowful each time I think of another year without my daddy.Besides that, it is not the only thing that make me sad. The truth about my condition, deep down i know, its fated that we will never have baby teh junior.I dont know how to put in words each time I think of this problem. The only thing that comforts my mind is life is not perfect, we cant have everything. Be thankful of what we have.Looking at my surroundings, yes, I do have a lot of material things, a nice house to stay, car, and few other properties for investment. My dear also treating me good, a good job with a good boss but yet I cant have kids of my own. I lost one of the most important person in my life, my daddy. Each time I think of him, tears will be rolling down my cheeks. I sometimes ask god, why ? why so soon? Perhaps I didnt do enough charity? I dont think so as I always do charity whenever anyone approach me on donating things. Perhaps I not being nice enough? I am not friendly? The only conclusion I can think of is "It is fated". We just need to accept it.Instead of thinking about kids, I choose to make myself busy. Fully occupied my time with my work. I hate to talk about this topic, and I never mention much about dad too although mum always talking about it. God, please be merciful and help me to forget all those sadness...