Year 2020 , thank god, I still manage to survive

It has been ages i guess. Been busy and have a fruitful year of 2019 and it is already year 2020. There are many things have happen last year, but i somehow manage to brace through it. I have been keep quiet about the birth of my daughter. Anyway, she is now already 2 years old. The love of my heart. This is her when she was still a baby. Because of her, I will make sure myself healthy, so that I can take good care of her always. Although we are now in lockdown and covid-19 has affected our daily life , i  choose to think positive and look at the brighter side. Feeling sleepy , thus adios.

Goodbye 2018 hello 2019

It has been more than a year I didn’t blog . A lot of events happened and I didn’t have the time to pen it down here. 2018 has been great but as usual , there are ups and downs . It wasnt a easy year for me as I finally got pregnant again last year after the miscarriage . It was unexpected and it wasn’t easy my pregnancy journey . I can’t travel much thus I didn’t even go back hometown this year for cny . Have to take care of my food intake and everyday I have to record my bp . Second trimester I have to poke my own finger to measure glucose. I feel scared and worried almost everyday counting the kicks and negative thoughts start to conquer my mind . Luckily I have frens that comfort me . It wasn’t easy . What is easy for others but it might be something I can’t even achieve /control . I was scared when the gynae told me my placenta shows sign of aging . C sec was the safest method and I went through it . The pain after that was hard as due to I have high Bp , I can’t take pain killers. I finally made it. Really thankful for what god has given me . I have lost one but god has given me another chance . Took 4 months maternity leave and finally back to work . Yea , u might think everything works well, I thought so as well but it didn’t . There was some annoying new fella from cs complain to my boss and it was performance time . Shitty fella. Haih , just need to think positive and couldn’t bother less on this kind of people. Christmas was great with the nice food I had at Sheraton Pj . Hope that 2019 will be better than 2018 . Cheers to a new year 2019 ..!!!

A look into the sweet memories and continue to smile and live happily

It took quite some time for me to be back up. Decided to put the past behind. Although last year , a few unfortunate event happen but one of the best memories of last year is my trip to Hong Kong. Yes, a trip to the land of TVB, and to fulfill my childhood dream which is to pay a visit to Disneyland. It is indeed a land of happiness. The fireworks at night was stunning and glad I decided to stay late just to watch the beautiful fireworks with Teh.

Due to I change job, I only manage to find time to go for a short vacation to Penang after I was confirmed in June. Met MMU bestie , Felicia and we spend time together going to 3D trick muzium.Soon another 4 months, it will be the end of year 2017. I dont ask for more, I just want a happy life, good health .

the day my world collapse...will time heal my broken heart?

Been in and out of Columbia Hospital. Two weeks of worrying on bleeding issue and finally it happen. When it happens, I feel my world was collapse. I dont know what to do. I am scared. I ask myself, why? Why is God so cruel by giving me hope and take it away just like that? How am I going to face this again? I dont know. I cried and cried and before I knew it, I was in OT , waiting for the D&C procedure. The whole thing makes my body numb. How am I going to go on life without thinking about it? This is the second time I need to face miscarriage. How? God, please give me strength. Strength to move on and live happily and put the past behind me. Three days have passed but I still unable to forget. Each time I look at Teh, I feel sorry for him. We did our best but things doesnt turn out right . Life is so difficult, huh?

Goodbye 2016, hello 2017...

Wow, din know I abandon my blog that long. Well, so far a few events happen in year 2016. It was again another year of series of unfortunate events.
I have broken my finger tendon causing it to fall down. It was scary. The doc advised me to immediately to be warded and schedule operation. At that time,
I feel my life has collapsed. I have to take leave from work for 6 weeks. My elder sis has been very supportive and Teh as well. I feel like crying but
I hold back my tears as I do not want my loved ones to be worried. The hardship I faced during the 6 weeks, not able to cook , wear bra and even having hard time
to feed myself. Outside people might think I have a relax,happy life staying at home for 6 weeks but I can tell you, that 6 weeks is one of the hardest
week I have to go through. I have to go physiotherapy minimum two times a week and each session, my life energy was like sucked out at that place.
I hardly sleep well at night due to bandages. I didnt even celebrate my birthday due to this. Just a simple meal , thats all.
Thinking everything was over after 6 weeks, one week after I start work, a trailer bang my car. Went to police station and car was sent to repair.
2016, I hate you. 2017, please be good to me.

Stay Strong

Been away for too long. Nothing much except work work work.Watching Korean drama,"Uncontrollably fond" and din know Kim Woo Bin has such charm on him that attract my attention. Was impressed with "W" drama storyline but I still prefer a melodrama. After a long consideration, I decided to go Hong Kong end of the year to see the land of TVB dramas. My Korea dream is still a long way. Shoulders felt heavy nowadays as the installment for Ultrapolis is increasing rapidly. My health has been deteriorating lately but I keep it away from my mum so that she wont worry too much. Occasionally, I will destress myself by online shopping. Life has been ok so far. My facebook is full of frens expecting showing their belly , or newborn babies. I have decided to filter this out from my newsfeed.It is not their fault, I know but it is just too much for me. I need to continue life. Sometimes , looking at my hubby is a pain. Occasionally, I cried at night.As human, we do feel sad but I believe as time comes, it will heal. The pain will go away and the thought will go away once we get used to it.

Penang trip(30 April till 2 May 2016)

Just back from Penang during the labour day hols. Finally went to St Anne church. Did my prayer to the god and we went straight to Island after lunch at BM. Went to Georgetown and with the help of Waze, we manage to find our hotel without any difficulty. Satisfied with the room and off we went to grab some snacks from the hawker stalls few shop away. It was very convenient, the only catch is the parking space very limited. Was tired so we nap about one hour inside the room.At 6 oclock, we started our journey to Kimberly Street. Why not going to Gurney Drive? We have been there many times thus we thought we want to have a change and hangout at the town. Food was not as much as Gurney but we tried all the recommended food there. Emperor chicken feet, the gingko soup with "yau cha kuai". After a satifying dinner, we went to Prangin Mall to do some light shopping. Nothing much, just bought some shoes there. As we were tired as travel all the way from KL, we went to bed quite early at 1130pm. The next day, it was time to go for Air Itam laksa. Kek Lok Si. This is a must visit place in Penang. Up we went, with the normal routine, grab some vege for the tortoise there and off up we went to do our prayers. My Muar Chi stall is at its usual spot,thus we grab two boxes of it from the uncle. It was labour day and sale must be everywhere. It was such a hot weather thus we decided to go to Queensbay Mall. Spending few hours there with joining the crowd at Padini,we went to Armenian street to enjoy the murals and photograph session.This time, I manage to get myself a bicycle to ride.Bought some handmade souveniers and  off we went to Macalister road to try the hawker food there. I saw an uncle selling durians and was very tempted but manage to control myself. I think this year, I need to have self control against this giant king of fruits.We order oysters and enjoy ourselves with our sweat running all over our face. Decided to go 1 st avenue to enjoy the cold air cond environment there. The next morning, we went to this super old shop Kedai Kopi Kong Thai Lai. The nasi lemak is cheap and taste fantastic. You know what is most popular at Penang? Yes, the cendol. We went to Penang road and q up for the cendol. My mum hate that environment as the weather was super hot. Just like a small kid, she throw tantrums and shouting and yelling at me when I told her I am going to Gurney Plaza to meet up with a fren. She was pestering me to go back to Ipoh also. I love my mum but sometimes her tantrums is not easy to handle. This is where my younger sis crazy genes who like to menggila comes from. I told myself to be patient and I cancel my meetup with fren. I notice it is not easy to go hols with my mum and younger sis , no wonder my elder sis never bring my mum/younger sis to hols anymore. She just go with her family.So far, no plans to go anywhere this year. Been saving money very hard. Liabilities too much and causing I cant afford a new car. My Korea trip need to be postphoned to next year again.

                                                    St Anne church at Bukit Mertajam

                                                    The half boiled egg from Kong Thai Lai

                                             Char Keuy Teow near Eton hotel (rm9.50) one plate

                                                 My purple bicycle at Armenian Street

CNY 2016

The cashew nut cookies that I made

Beloved mummy birthday with her grand kids,dughters and son in law. Wish mum have good health always

New clay tea set which I got it for myself this CNY to serve guest

Chor 2 Dinner at Restaurant Loong Wah

So fast CNY already over. Well, this year, it was a very tiring CNY. The difference this CNY with the previous ones , I start my bussiness with selling "HAI LOU" . RM10 one small tong. Its actually very cheap and not much profit earned. Cant sell too expensive or else, no one buy from me. Must gain the trust from customers first. Well, for a start, not bad the bussiness. Collect orders of 14 tong and then I "sau gong". Due to the price of everything raise up this year, I made cashew nut biscuits too to save some cost on buying the biscuit for CNY. Every ringgit counts. This year, it is my turn to sponsor the Chor 2 dinner. Decided to eat at Restaurant Loong Wah as the price is reasonable. Want to book Restaurant Tuck Kee but the captain was very rude to me when I was asking them on the menu. The price was expensive and not worth it also plus with the rude attitude, no way I going to let them earn my money. Overall, satisfied with Loong Wah as this restaurant belongs to my relative. Manage to spend some time to gather with my frens. We manage to maintain this gathering since year 2003 till now. More than ten years of friendship.Although all of us are busy with our life, but each time CNY, it is time for gathering. I thank god for giving me a group of true frens.The best part is a friend of mine turned into gay. Perhaps he was gay all along but it has been announced to all since two years ago. To me, nothing changed. Gay or no gay, he is still a good friend of mine. However, each time CNY gathering, I still will think of  a fren of ours that has went missing/lost in touch. We mention about him few times but as time passed by, his name was never mention again. I know frens come and go but I still hope this fren of mine, by fate, I can see him again. 12 years has passed, no news was heard about him.Money was spend for CNY, with the number of angpau that I need to give, its very tiring. Married for almost 5 years and still no luck in having a baby. No matter how much I comfort myself, its not working. This issue is slowly eating my spirit up. I hold on to the hope, but each day , my health getting worse and worse. Next month, I decided to resume back my dance class. One year...I stopped ever since I discover I am preggie. The nightmare last year, it was still very fresh on my mind . On how hopes was given and was taken back in a harsh way. I no longer crying but my heart still hurts each time I think of what happen. Deep inside, I know, it takes a miracle to be able to conceive again. Perhaps I need to be less greedy and pray for good health. Be thankful. What others able to do naturally, I need a miracle for it. Perhaps my upcoming hols to Bangkok can help to ease my stressful mind. Cant wait to go BKK!

Goodbye 2015, hello 2016 !

Its time to say goodbye to year 2015 and hello to 2016. Well, time to wrap up year 2015.
I must say it has been a year of ups and downs.Many will think that facing miscarriage most probably was the most
down part of my life this year. I admit, it was not easy and I cried so much to sleep but the most hurtful part was
the one you love,sort of going against you.In just one day, I cried more than 5 times in front of my mum. Now that I think of it, I acting immature and I am making my mum to worry over me.I told myself , no more. No more tolerating with my selfish father in law, his siblings. They have pass over my limit.Enough is enough.My resolution for next year will be handling my in laws family in a more mature way without giving them a single chance to take advantage of me and Teh. My hubby being too kind hearted. I rather donate the money for charity than  give them.Although it is difficult to accept the truth that we maybe/might never have children, I still hold on to the hope.Well, the positive milestone that was achieved this year was rented our my Mlk house. One burden less on my shoulder. Work has been very very stressful this year. My health deteriorate a lot. My pressure went up to 170/110 last month. Doc forced me to take medicine. No choice. My mum was sad to hear this. I feel down too as I am so young, the fact of eating medicine till my last breath. With this hypertension, its even a slim chance I can have a healthy baby. I cried for few nights on this but I told myself, I need to be strong.I still have a lot of things to achieve other than having a kid. It gets worse when you see your friends in fb having their own kid and you cant. I even read one article where this lady sort of delete her fb due to the stress of seeing others posting on their kids/babies. Nah, I not going to do that. I always believe, no matter what, we should be always happy for others. Yes, we do envy but having infertility issue is not other people's fault so the act of deleting your fb is just not right to me. New year, new resolutions and here is my resolution for the year 2016.
1) not to lose hope on having a kid
2)Stay positive at all times.Smile and laugh more next year(Since this year, tears has been flowing non stop)
3)Increment of my salary(it has been way too low for the past 3 years)
4)Travel to Korea end of the year
5) Get another bigger lego set for myself (Something that will cost rm200 and above?)
6)Dealing with my in laws family in a more mature way.
7)Spending more time with my mum,siblings, nephew and niece
8)Good health (no high cholesterol, BP ok with medicine, uric asid ok-yes, I need to exercise more and more)
9)This is a bit silly, I only dream about my dad once. Can my beloved daddy come to my dream again? I miss him a lot and have lots to tell him.
10)To have a good relationship with my hubby.He is good to me and we always in good terms except the part involving his  family.

Krabi trip

Wow, it has been almost a month din blog. Been very busy.Krabi trip was fantastic. Food was cheap and delicious there. Really love the beach there and we had a very happy enjoyful holiday with just the two of us. My mum as usual has been
grumbling that I going for holidays and spending money.I just ignore her ramblings as it is not nice to talk back to your elder. I have my own thoughts, things I want to do before I getting old and cant walk anymore. I hope she can be more understanding. Last month was a total nightmare and Oct was such a beautiful month. Although I dont get much birthday present this year, but I am really happy with everything I have now.Next trip is to JB on Dec. However, I have a bad preminition that my father in law will spoil my JB holiday. I choose for now, dont want to think so much. Younger sis will graduate soon end of the year. Convo will be next year, I have already plan to DIY a bouquet for her. Although I cant tahan her sometimes with her temper, deep inside, I know, she is my sister and I need to take care of her. Same with my mum. Why? Because of a promise. A promise to my father that I will take care both of them. So no matter how angry I am , I will hold to that promise till the day I see my father again. Occasionally , I will cry when I think of him. Ok, dont get emo.

Going to FLY soon!

Finally, the long awaited break is going to start soon. Well, good news, period came at last. No need to visit gynae.Probably too stressful. At first I tot it was cancer. As I know, there are few reasons your period is delay and cancer is one of them. Anyway, this shows my health is deteriorating. Need to eat more nutritious food. Aim is to have a good health as money cant buy health. This week, I cant achieve my KPI which is to run on the threadmill three times a week. Its ok, I make sure I achieve it next week. Hehe.
Somehow, I feel nowadays , things are getting better.Next weekend, I will send some time going for a short trip to Melaka with beloved mummy. Mlk house rented out. Oh yea, my boss went up another level higher and my teammate was promoted to be my direct boss. To me, not much difference but I feel it will be hard to say "NO" to my team mate. This is the part I dont like to have a team mate become my boss. Its awkward. I am still under my lady boss but she just one step higher already. Lady boss said I very fierce. Dare to scold her. Fierce? My team mates also disagree with her saying I am always nice. He he. I think she thinks I am fierce since last month. Things went out of hand and I start to show my fierce part to my boss  as she was driving me crazy. Team mate going for maternity leave soon, I dont want to think about her workload. Just wonder when my new boss will order me to take over everything. I even dare to voice out to my lady boss, all this support work doesnt justify for my increment. Only by doing new projects , will justify for increment and not doing maintenance/support for projects completed. Haih, should I leave the companY? Lost!!
Okok, now mind must think of Krabi hols...

Just Fly ,Fly with me

Hehe, finally things are getting better. Work is still stress. Going to holidays soon. Finally, found tenant for my Malacca house. At last, I can be a landlady, writing receipt for my tenants. Haha..I have always want to follow my parents footsteps to earn, save and own property so that when I am old, I got side income.Before I reach 30, manage to achieve one goal all by myself. Proud. Hehe. Although it is just a small house, I am truly satisfied.Anyway, to proceed with second goal, to settle the bank loan with the rental collected. Need to remind myself, rental is not for own use, it is for bank installment. Perhaps, I use just a bit for my own leisure expenses.People around me is getting pregnant, give birth, its ok, we should happy for others.For now, I just hope my health will recover. Having diarrhae last week, and when I weight myself, notice I lost 2kg. Not sure it is because i cut down coffee or the constant threadmill exercise. Diarrhae...wont have such big effect kua. Its going to be end of the year soon, when I refresh back, the preggie and miscarriage event still haunt my mind. I feel scared of going through it again, so I not sure whether I am ready yet. By right, this month, I should make appointment with my gynae but I feel lazy. The waiting is driving me crazy.So, perhaps in Nov, when I free only will make appointment.Need to as my menstrual cycle run again. Now, looking forward to Krabi holidays and Legoland in Dec. I feel I deserve to have a break.

Depressed

Life has been quite stressful ever since my team mate left. Not to blame her but my boss who ask me to take over her task two weeks before she transfer to another dept. Been falling sick as well. No doubt, my menstrual cycle goes haywire again due to my health deteriorating. Its sad. Anyway, its confirmed I not preggie but my PCOS seems to have become more serious.I cried myself at night thinking about what is wrong with my body.There is no one that can help me. Gynae? I sick of going to Columbia hospital. Afraid I might even discover new sickness.I knew it was not the right way to deal with this.All lost, I feel tired all the time too.Sometimes,although illogical, I have the feeling of not getting up. Forever sleep, I am too tired to go on.There is no one to turn into. I knew that I should be grateful for other things that I have but I just want to have a regular cycle so that I can TTC again. Is that too much to ask for? Stress, I hate it. People from other dept chasing me all the time causing me to feel stress and its really too much to cope with. I need a break, a long break. Trip to Krabi next month, I hope my battery can recharged and at the same time, for once, auntie(period),please come. I am scared when it doesnt come more than a month. Feel down at the moment..

Althea Korea for Skincare and Cosmetics

This is one of my favourite online site for getting Korean cosmetic skincare and cosmetics.
I am a big fan of Innisfree product. Recently I bought the Long Wear Cushion and they gave me a limited edition series.Althea service is definitely thumbs up with the freebies and the product comes all the way from Korea. Shipping is free when you buy more than RM150. Extremely satisfied. The soothing gel from Nature Republic is fantastic too. I use it every morning and it gives my skin a very refreshing feeling. Since I dont go for facial, spending some money on mask, cleanser is ok for me if I can afford it.

Determination to have good health

Life so far so good. Bought a lot of skin care products. Innisfree from Sunway Pyramid and also from Althea Korea. They gave me a limited edition long wear cushion and I only spend rm53 on that. Besides Innisfree, I use Face Shop product too. Bought two bottle of hand cream , soothing gel. The hand cream is good and it smells nice. As you can see, I am a supporter of Korea brand of skin care. I am using Tony Moly egg pore cleanser which I bought it for rm20. The cleanser I use everyday after taking my shower bath. Feels my face very refreshing after that. Hmm, you feel suprised that all of sudden I use lots of skin care products? Yes, the main reason is because I am aging. The word aging really freaks me out. Three weeks ago, my hair was a mess, it was like a lion's mane. When I look at the mirror, I feel disgusted with my hair. Lion's mane?Walao. Went to hair saloon and did rebonding. Feels great, my hair is soft and straight, I just love the feeling of  having a nice long hair, even my hubby feels I look better with my new hairstyle. Vain,right?No choice. I dont want to be "yellow faced" woman. I reduce my frequency of make up to office, instead I am using Nature Republic aloe vera mist everyday to keep my face moisturize. Natural beauty...hehe. Of course , to keep my health, I drink red dates everyday without fail except period time. So far, my cycle has back to normal.I stop buying normal chicken for my cooking, instead will only buy 'KAMPUNG CHICKEN' as chicken will make my PCOS worse.Of course, outside food will use normal chicken so no choice on that. If cook myself, I use kampung chicken only. Last weekend, bought a threadmill from Johnson fitness as I no longer attend dance class and need to exercise. My hubby hardly exercise at all so we are hoping by getting a threadmill, both of us will make full use of it. The aim is to have good health.

So far so good

Life so far has been good. Thank god.Occasionally I will cry when I think about the last few months and how
my dream of having a child was taken away. I accept it as fate and praying hard that I can forget the miscarriage
experience. Recently , I found an old fren fb, someone I din keep in touch for ten years.He sort of migrated to Ireland, doing fine and quite well. I'm really happy to see frens doing well.Those memories we had last time I will cherish it in my heart forever. Looking back, I feel my younger days was much happier. No worries. My mum told me, it depends on how you look at things. So, I spend my time and even money to do things that can make me happy.My project finish and now doing UAT with user. One challenge gone and there are many other things that is on the way. Work, I can handle.We must be thankful with what we have. There are many other unfortunate people out there. When I think about that, it is a way to comfort myself to see things in a more positive way. I miss my daddy. Initially, I tot as time goes by, the wound will heal.Three years has pass but I still think of him always.Perhaps ten years? I have no idea. It is not easy to get over with someone who brought you up.The fear of losing my mum, I am scared. Very scared the day will come. I pray to god, to keep her healthy always.

New addition to my House

Life has been normal lately and I thank god for that. Taking good care of my health nowadays with drinking red dates drink everyday. Last week, I stop the practice for a while as I reserve my stomach to eat durians. Yes, it is durian season again. RM13 /kg, I bought two biji, cost me rm39 as the durian is heavy but really worth it as it taste fantastic. The seller bussiness is damn good, I need to Q up for half an hour for the durian. During the school hols two weeks ago, I took leave from office to spend time with my mum and my niece. We had a day outing at Sunway Pyramid and it was really fun. Mum is very happy to spend time with her grandchild. Rachel has been good and she was happy to get the Mickey Mouse cap from the event she join by finding the words 'NEMO'

Adding another slow cooker to my kitchen. I have already one big one which the base can put under the gas stove. Cant find this outside anymore. Then I got myself a small one last year with timer on it. This one I bought it due to its cute design . Anyway, this one is manual and doesnt have timer. Been searching for it in Malaysia online website but cant find so I order directly from Taobao. Shipment is expensive as it is quite heavy. Totally love this design.

This is another addition to my bags. Haha, you can see this in one of the store in Ipoh Parade but this design is not available. They have other designs but the price is not cheap. I saw this in Taobao and bought two. Since it is cloth, the shipment is not that expensive thus I choose the shipping by air. Waited for one week, there it is. Really happy.

Above is my hobby, building nano blocks. This is just few of them, I have a few more consist of tortoise, spider, Mickey Mouse and Hello Kitty. This is how I spend my time , so that I wont think of much of other things that bother my mind. Air Asia has free seats again this week but I din grab anything from there as hubby ask me to stay at home. Looking forward to Krabi trip in Oct.

Staying positive

Tired of complaining, I keep myself occupied with my cross stitch and nano blocks. Work as usual pilling up with my boss adding misery to me everyday. Who want to switch their work place with me?Sitting in front of your boss is mental torture, with her hair full of dandruff, I am praying that it is not fleas/kutu. Besides that, I need to tolerate with her high pitch voice , its very torturing when I am busy doing my script, and she just keep talking to u non stop.Besides that, a teammate of mine is preggie, yes, every year there is a one preggie team mate , this has been happening consequently for two years. It is not that I am against preggie ladies just because I dont have a kid of my own but why each time also it has to be someone I need to backup? Early next year, I will need to back up the performance system all by myself , no vendor support. It gives me headache when I think of this. Lunch time will be babies topic, this happen since my teammate (guy) has a daughter and the trend has not stop since then.Haih, a miscarriage is already a very painful experience, I dont want to experience it again, in fact, I am not sure when I will be ready to try again. 3months? 6 months, I dont know. There are many other things on my mind. My Mlk house grill is ready, now pending for the lights and fans installation. Hope can rent out soon as cost of living is getting higher. I meeting ends meet already with my MLK house installment, my studio apartment. I dont even have extra money to change my 6 years old car. Kids? In reality, I dont know how I can save money if I have a kid. This is the pro part on not having kids where the money u earn, u spend it on yourself. With my liabilities, I not sure whether I really can afford to have a child or not. However, a lot couples earning less still have kids. Perhaps when the time comes, somehow we find a way. Staying positive is what I told myself. Positive on my work, on my life, on my job scope, on my hubby, my mum and siblings. I sometimes think of my dad too, how hard he work just to provide things for his children. I miss him although it has been 3 years he is gone. How much I want to tell him what I been through when he is not around. Worried the day my mum will leave me as well, but I know that day somehow will come. Part of life.Its not easy, my grandma pass away and it took me 5 years to get through it. Up till today, I still remember her face,her smile.3 years daddy gone, my siblings seems to be ok, but me and my mum , its not like we still hold on, but tears still flow whenever we think of him.I not sure how long it will take.Will be going for a short vacation in Oct to Krabi and I am looking forward to it. Sometimes, when I dont know who to talk to, I talk to God in my heart. I believe in God and to me, only one GOD(no matter I am buddhist, christian,islam,free thinker), the same God everyone believes.I hope he can give me strength to stay positive and be happy, that he will safe guard my loved ones.I am thankful with what I have today.

Down Down...

Life has been really in a mess. The long weekend suppose to be a relaxing weekend to spend time with my mum ,jolly and my hubby but it turned out to be a sorrowful weekend.
With the arrival of my father in law early in the morning after breakfast on Friday morning.Again, they come to my house empty handed, his sister family.
My instinct was right too that they are here to ask my hubby to belanja them lunch. Really too much thus I drove to Sunway Pyramid to shop with my mum and sis.
Bought my Innisfree serum and black head balm which burn a hole in my pocket.No regrets as I need shopping therapy.After a tiring day shopping, I went back home
when there wasnt anyone at home.I can feel my head was boiling but I just went to take a nice hot bath and spend time in my entertainment room.I was speechless when they came back home.Was afraid that I will
lose my temper if I start talking.My hubby totally ignore me as if I didnt exist. This silent war went on for the next two days before I lost my patience on Sunday morning.
Pity my mum need to listen to my constant complaint, unable to take it anymore, I ask my mum to come over to my house to have a discussion. I actually want to bring
the issue face to face with my father in law but he left before I can do that. The discussion didnt go well of course as my hubby insisted that I am in the wrong.
My mum was stuck between us, she cant "add fire" but she doesnt agree with Teh also.I cried and cried.He left for his fren wedding and I went to Amcorp Mall with my mum and sis.
Tears keep flowing when I think of him.I already sort of runaway from them but Teh doesnt understand. His expectations is that I will be nice to his father and serve him.
There is no way I will be doing this. So, I pack my bags when I went home in the evening.My mum tot I was joking but I really did pack my clothes and brought it to the apartment.
It was then my hubby saw I acted in such a way, he came to my mum apartment to bring me back home. I was reluctant as I knew the problem doesnt resolve. My father in law
will still come to my house some day.I dont want my mum to worry, thus I just went back home. I do love my hubby but his family is going in between us. I can
tolerate anything but not his family. I have no idea on how to solve this...Teh is very stubborn as well.Haih..a miscarriage is already scary and sad and yet, more problems on the way.
Bonus little, increment little...I need a break. Will be going Krabi on Oct and really looking forward to it.

The down part of my life.. Miscarriage

Well it was a backdated post.Now only I have the guts to write it down.After all, it was over.Middle of March, I discover that
I am pregnant when my period was late for two weeks. Well, was really suprised when the two lines appear in the pregnancy kit.
Didnt know what to do, I was really nervous that time.However, little did I know, the happiness doesnt last long.After two days found out that
I was preggie, I was having spotting. I knew I need to see Dr Loo and two injections was given and was told to rest one week.
In that week, I was really scared and paranoid.However, I actually have a bad feeling and my instinct was right. During the Monday visit,
Doc told me to be prepared.I was devasted that time but I still praying for miracle. I went back to work and few days after that,
I saw fresh blood came out when I go toilet. It was around 530pm, and almost time to leave office.I rush back home, worried what will happen next.
Although the bleeding stop , but I knew something was wrong. On Friday, Dr Loo ask me whether I know what is going on and I nodded my head.
She gave me three options, D&C which will cost around 2.5k , eat medicine , or wait for it to come out. I knew the waiting option is out
as I cant bear the pain I have to go through while waiting. I opt for the medicine that will force it to come out. My heart was really broken, I knew it wasnt anyone's fault
but I was too sad.Doc gave me pain killer which at my first thought, is it that painful? Silly me, little did I know, the stomach cramp
was so painful till I cant even stand up.It is not a one time pain but the pain start from 2pm till 10pm. Tears keep flowing that day, asking god, how come I need to go through this?
Despite the truth that I miscarriage, I knew inside my heart, my coming days will be in much pathetic state.
Nothing to stop my father in law from coming over to my house, a home which I build with my hubby. Dr Loo told me not to give up, she said it was unlucky that it was a blighted ovum but
it is low possibility that it will happen. I was curious, is it because I have PCOS? She told me that even a normal woman without PCOS will come across this problem.
I told myself, there is hope and I need to eat more nutritious food to keep myself healthy and hopefully period will be regular.
At first, I am sad but I got over it after a week.My coming days will be much more painful, with my father in law hanging around my house.
Due to I need to restore my health, I will cook for myself and eat at my apartment before returning to my house.There is no way, I eating dinner
with a selfish old man. I dun eat with heartless people. You might ask, why so bad towards an old man? No, he is no ordinary old man.
He is a selfish man who use sympathy to take advantage of my hubby.Even when I was in preggie, he insisted that he come over to my house just for his own comfort.
A heartless man who will never even pay a visit to his sick wife in hospital. Although my mum in law passed away, not even once he will go for Cheng Beng.
Heartless and selfish. Even my grandma which I dun like will visit my grandfather during Cheng Beng. I lost respect to this kind of people. Even animals, they
have feelings.A beast...I dun eat dinner with a beast.