Just Fly ,Fly with me

Hehe, finally things are getting better. Work is still stress. Going to holidays soon. Finally, found tenant for my Malacca house. At last, I can be a landlady, writing receipt for my tenants. Haha..I have always want to follow my parents footsteps to earn, save and own property so that when I am old, I got side income.Before I reach 30, manage to achieve one goal all by myself. Proud. Hehe. Although it is just a small house, I am truly satisfied.Anyway, to proceed with second goal, to settle the bank loan with the rental collected. Need to remind myself, rental is not for own use, it is for bank installment. Perhaps, I use just a bit for my own leisure expenses.People around me is getting pregnant, give birth, its ok, we should happy for others.For now, I just hope my health will recover. Having diarrhae last week, and when I weight myself, notice I lost 2kg. Not sure it is because i cut down coffee or the constant threadmill exercise. Diarrhae...wont have such big effect kua. Its going to be end of the year soon, when I refresh back, the preggie and miscarriage event still haunt my mind. I feel scared of going through it again, so I not sure whether I am ready yet. By right, this month, I should make appointment with my gynae but I feel lazy. The waiting is driving me crazy.So, perhaps in Nov, when I free only will make appointment.Need to as my menstrual cycle run again. Now, looking forward to Krabi holidays and Legoland in Dec. I feel I deserve to have a break.

Depressed

Life has been quite stressful ever since my team mate left. Not to blame her but my boss who ask me to take over her task two weeks before she transfer to another dept. Been falling sick as well. No doubt, my menstrual cycle goes haywire again due to my health deteriorating. Its sad. Anyway, its confirmed I not preggie but my PCOS seems to have become more serious.I cried myself at night thinking about what is wrong with my body.There is no one that can help me. Gynae? I sick of going to Columbia hospital. Afraid I might even discover new sickness.I knew it was not the right way to deal with this.All lost, I feel tired all the time too.Sometimes,although illogical, I have the feeling of not getting up. Forever sleep, I am too tired to go on.There is no one to turn into. I knew that I should be grateful for other things that I have but I just want to have a regular cycle so that I can TTC again. Is that too much to ask for? Stress, I hate it. People from other dept chasing me all the time causing me to feel stress and its really too much to cope with. I need a break, a long break. Trip to Krabi next month, I hope my battery can recharged and at the same time, for once, auntie(period),please come. I am scared when it doesnt come more than a month. Feel down at the moment..

Althea Korea for Skincare and Cosmetics

This is one of my favourite online site for getting Korean cosmetic skincare and cosmetics.
I am a big fan of Innisfree product. Recently I bought the Long Wear Cushion and they gave me a limited edition series.Althea service is definitely thumbs up with the freebies and the product comes all the way from Korea. Shipping is free when you buy more than RM150. Extremely satisfied. The soothing gel from Nature Republic is fantastic too. I use it every morning and it gives my skin a very refreshing feeling. Since I dont go for facial, spending some money on mask, cleanser is ok for me if I can afford it.

Determination to have good health

Life so far so good. Bought a lot of skin care products. Innisfree from Sunway Pyramid and also from Althea Korea. They gave me a limited edition long wear cushion and I only spend rm53 on that. Besides Innisfree, I use Face Shop product too. Bought two bottle of hand cream , soothing gel. The hand cream is good and it smells nice. As you can see, I am a supporter of Korea brand of skin care. I am using Tony Moly egg pore cleanser which I bought it for rm20. The cleanser I use everyday after taking my shower bath. Feels my face very refreshing after that. Hmm, you feel suprised that all of sudden I use lots of skin care products? Yes, the main reason is because I am aging. The word aging really freaks me out. Three weeks ago, my hair was a mess, it was like a lion's mane. When I look at the mirror, I feel disgusted with my hair. Lion's mane?Walao. Went to hair saloon and did rebonding. Feels great, my hair is soft and straight, I just love the feeling of  having a nice long hair, even my hubby feels I look better with my new hairstyle. Vain,right?No choice. I dont want to be "yellow faced" woman. I reduce my frequency of make up to office, instead I am using Nature Republic aloe vera mist everyday to keep my face moisturize. Natural beauty...hehe. Of course , to keep my health, I drink red dates everyday without fail except period time. So far, my cycle has back to normal.I stop buying normal chicken for my cooking, instead will only buy 'KAMPUNG CHICKEN' as chicken will make my PCOS worse.Of course, outside food will use normal chicken so no choice on that. If cook myself, I use kampung chicken only. Last weekend, bought a threadmill from Johnson fitness as I no longer attend dance class and need to exercise. My hubby hardly exercise at all so we are hoping by getting a threadmill, both of us will make full use of it. The aim is to have good health.

So far so good

Life so far has been good. Thank god.Occasionally I will cry when I think about the last few months and how
my dream of having a child was taken away. I accept it as fate and praying hard that I can forget the miscarriage
experience. Recently , I found an old fren fb, someone I din keep in touch for ten years.He sort of migrated to Ireland, doing fine and quite well. I'm really happy to see frens doing well.Those memories we had last time I will cherish it in my heart forever. Looking back, I feel my younger days was much happier. No worries. My mum told me, it depends on how you look at things. So, I spend my time and even money to do things that can make me happy.My project finish and now doing UAT with user. One challenge gone and there are many other things that is on the way. Work, I can handle.We must be thankful with what we have. There are many other unfortunate people out there. When I think about that, it is a way to comfort myself to see things in a more positive way. I miss my daddy. Initially, I tot as time goes by, the wound will heal.Three years has pass but I still think of him always.Perhaps ten years? I have no idea. It is not easy to get over with someone who brought you up.The fear of losing my mum, I am scared. Very scared the day will come. I pray to god, to keep her healthy always.

New addition to my House

Life has been normal lately and I thank god for that. Taking good care of my health nowadays with drinking red dates drink everyday. Last week, I stop the practice for a while as I reserve my stomach to eat durians. Yes, it is durian season again. RM13 /kg, I bought two biji, cost me rm39 as the durian is heavy but really worth it as it taste fantastic. The seller bussiness is damn good, I need to Q up for half an hour for the durian. During the school hols two weeks ago, I took leave from office to spend time with my mum and my niece. We had a day outing at Sunway Pyramid and it was really fun. Mum is very happy to spend time with her grandchild. Rachel has been good and she was happy to get the Mickey Mouse cap from the event she join by finding the words 'NEMO'

Adding another slow cooker to my kitchen. I have already one big one which the base can put under the gas stove. Cant find this outside anymore. Then I got myself a small one last year with timer on it. This one I bought it due to its cute design . Anyway, this one is manual and doesnt have timer. Been searching for it in Malaysia online website but cant find so I order directly from Taobao. Shipment is expensive as it is quite heavy. Totally love this design.

This is another addition to my bags. Haha, you can see this in one of the store in Ipoh Parade but this design is not available. They have other designs but the price is not cheap. I saw this in Taobao and bought two. Since it is cloth, the shipment is not that expensive thus I choose the shipping by air. Waited for one week, there it is. Really happy.

Above is my hobby, building nano blocks. This is just few of them, I have a few more consist of tortoise, spider, Mickey Mouse and Hello Kitty. This is how I spend my time , so that I wont think of much of other things that bother my mind. Air Asia has free seats again this week but I din grab anything from there as hubby ask me to stay at home. Looking forward to Krabi trip in Oct.

Staying positive

Tired of complaining, I keep myself occupied with my cross stitch and nano blocks. Work as usual pilling up with my boss adding misery to me everyday. Who want to switch their work place with me?Sitting in front of your boss is mental torture, with her hair full of dandruff, I am praying that it is not fleas/kutu. Besides that, I need to tolerate with her high pitch voice , its very torturing when I am busy doing my script, and she just keep talking to u non stop.Besides that, a teammate of mine is preggie, yes, every year there is a one preggie team mate , this has been happening consequently for two years. It is not that I am against preggie ladies just because I dont have a kid of my own but why each time also it has to be someone I need to backup? Early next year, I will need to back up the performance system all by myself , no vendor support. It gives me headache when I think of this. Lunch time will be babies topic, this happen since my teammate (guy) has a daughter and the trend has not stop since then.Haih, a miscarriage is already a very painful experience, I dont want to experience it again, in fact, I am not sure when I will be ready to try again. 3months? 6 months, I dont know. There are many other things on my mind. My Mlk house grill is ready, now pending for the lights and fans installation. Hope can rent out soon as cost of living is getting higher. I meeting ends meet already with my MLK house installment, my studio apartment. I dont even have extra money to change my 6 years old car. Kids? In reality, I dont know how I can save money if I have a kid. This is the pro part on not having kids where the money u earn, u spend it on yourself. With my liabilities, I not sure whether I really can afford to have a child or not. However, a lot couples earning less still have kids. Perhaps when the time comes, somehow we find a way. Staying positive is what I told myself. Positive on my work, on my life, on my job scope, on my hubby, my mum and siblings. I sometimes think of my dad too, how hard he work just to provide things for his children. I miss him although it has been 3 years he is gone. How much I want to tell him what I been through when he is not around. Worried the day my mum will leave me as well, but I know that day somehow will come. Part of life.Its not easy, my grandma pass away and it took me 5 years to get through it. Up till today, I still remember her face,her smile.3 years daddy gone, my siblings seems to be ok, but me and my mum , its not like we still hold on, but tears still flow whenever we think of him.I not sure how long it will take.Will be going for a short vacation in Oct to Krabi and I am looking forward to it. Sometimes, when I dont know who to talk to, I talk to God in my heart. I believe in God and to me, only one GOD(no matter I am buddhist, christian,islam,free thinker), the same God everyone believes.I hope he can give me strength to stay positive and be happy, that he will safe guard my loved ones.I am thankful with what I have today.

Down Down...

Life has been really in a mess. The long weekend suppose to be a relaxing weekend to spend time with my mum ,jolly and my hubby but it turned out to be a sorrowful weekend.
With the arrival of my father in law early in the morning after breakfast on Friday morning.Again, they come to my house empty handed, his sister family.
My instinct was right too that they are here to ask my hubby to belanja them lunch. Really too much thus I drove to Sunway Pyramid to shop with my mum and sis.
Bought my Innisfree serum and black head balm which burn a hole in my pocket.No regrets as I need shopping therapy.After a tiring day shopping, I went back home
when there wasnt anyone at home.I can feel my head was boiling but I just went to take a nice hot bath and spend time in my entertainment room.I was speechless when they came back home.Was afraid that I will
lose my temper if I start talking.My hubby totally ignore me as if I didnt exist. This silent war went on for the next two days before I lost my patience on Sunday morning.
Pity my mum need to listen to my constant complaint, unable to take it anymore, I ask my mum to come over to my house to have a discussion. I actually want to bring
the issue face to face with my father in law but he left before I can do that. The discussion didnt go well of course as my hubby insisted that I am in the wrong.
My mum was stuck between us, she cant "add fire" but she doesnt agree with Teh also.I cried and cried.He left for his fren wedding and I went to Amcorp Mall with my mum and sis.
Tears keep flowing when I think of him.I already sort of runaway from them but Teh doesnt understand. His expectations is that I will be nice to his father and serve him.
There is no way I will be doing this. So, I pack my bags when I went home in the evening.My mum tot I was joking but I really did pack my clothes and brought it to the apartment.
It was then my hubby saw I acted in such a way, he came to my mum apartment to bring me back home. I was reluctant as I knew the problem doesnt resolve. My father in law
will still come to my house some day.I dont want my mum to worry, thus I just went back home. I do love my hubby but his family is going in between us. I can
tolerate anything but not his family. I have no idea on how to solve this...Teh is very stubborn as well.Haih..a miscarriage is already scary and sad and yet, more problems on the way.
Bonus little, increment little...I need a break. Will be going Krabi on Oct and really looking forward to it.

The down part of my life.. Miscarriage

Well it was a backdated post.Now only I have the guts to write it down.After all, it was over.Middle of March, I discover that
I am pregnant when my period was late for two weeks. Well, was really suprised when the two lines appear in the pregnancy kit.
Didnt know what to do, I was really nervous that time.However, little did I know, the happiness doesnt last long.After two days found out that
I was preggie, I was having spotting. I knew I need to see Dr Loo and two injections was given and was told to rest one week.
In that week, I was really scared and paranoid.However, I actually have a bad feeling and my instinct was right. During the Monday visit,
Doc told me to be prepared.I was devasted that time but I still praying for miracle. I went back to work and few days after that,
I saw fresh blood came out when I go toilet. It was around 530pm, and almost time to leave office.I rush back home, worried what will happen next.
Although the bleeding stop , but I knew something was wrong. On Friday, Dr Loo ask me whether I know what is going on and I nodded my head.
She gave me three options, D&C which will cost around 2.5k , eat medicine , or wait for it to come out. I knew the waiting option is out
as I cant bear the pain I have to go through while waiting. I opt for the medicine that will force it to come out. My heart was really broken, I knew it wasnt anyone's fault
but I was too sad.Doc gave me pain killer which at my first thought, is it that painful? Silly me, little did I know, the stomach cramp
was so painful till I cant even stand up.It is not a one time pain but the pain start from 2pm till 10pm. Tears keep flowing that day, asking god, how come I need to go through this?
Despite the truth that I miscarriage, I knew inside my heart, my coming days will be in much pathetic state.
Nothing to stop my father in law from coming over to my house, a home which I build with my hubby. Dr Loo told me not to give up, she said it was unlucky that it was a blighted ovum but
it is low possibility that it will happen. I was curious, is it because I have PCOS? She told me that even a normal woman without PCOS will come across this problem.
I told myself, there is hope and I need to eat more nutritious food to keep myself healthy and hopefully period will be regular.
At first, I am sad but I got over it after a week.My coming days will be much more painful, with my father in law hanging around my house.
Due to I need to restore my health, I will cook for myself and eat at my apartment before returning to my house.There is no way, I eating dinner
with a selfish old man. I dun eat with heartless people. You might ask, why so bad towards an old man? No, he is no ordinary old man.
He is a selfish man who use sympathy to take advantage of my hubby.Even when I was in preggie, he insisted that he come over to my house just for his own comfort.
A heartless man who will never even pay a visit to his sick wife in hospital. Although my mum in law passed away, not even once he will go for Cheng Beng.
Heartless and selfish. Even my grandma which I dun like will visit my grandfather during Cheng Beng. I lost respect to this kind of people. Even animals, they
have feelings.A beast...I dun eat dinner with a beast.

Open minded is Not an easy thing to be

In one week of thinking, I have learn to accept the fate.Accept what lies in front of me and the outcome of it, I dont have choice but to accept
I can sleep well for the last one week without crying myself to sleep. I told myself, have courage and go through it with a brave heart.
I am scared, really scared but there is no way to run, avoid it.Besides this, I have accept the idea of accepting my father in law as charity. Unwillingly, but
I told myself, its ok, I just do some charity and shouldnt calculate with such person. It feels much better
when I think in such a way.My mum shared a story with me yesterday on a daughter in law went into depression and it took her three years to recover from it due
to work stress, family and also taking care of father in law.My mum advised me to be open minded and it took quite some time to be able to do that.

Feeling down

Very down. Never felt so down before. Its hard to explain here but things has gone out of hand. This are the times I felt, I want to wrap up myself and jump to the dark,deep sea and disappear from this world. You must ask, what happen till this extend, I want to gave up my life? A series of unfortunate events. I have come across challenges and never I face such tough challenge. I always look at the brighter side and think of a solution but I dont have for this one. There is no way out. Already having a lot of problems, I tot God answer my prayer and grant me happiness but sadly , the happiness doesnt last. It was taken away from me, I never felt so sad in my life, I ended up crying and crying. Being alone in the house now freaks me out as my mind keep thinking and thinking why such thing happen. Can god give me a miracle? Deep down inside, I know very slim chance but I still hope. Hope for better. No matter what, I have to go through it and I know, the journey next month will be even tougher. Please give me strength to continue on.....I dont want to trouble my old mum with my problems but I have no one else to refer to. No one....my siblings are too busy with their life.I know I am not a small kid that can complain to my mum, I need to find a solution and to go pass the challenge of accepting fate but its hard. I am trying very hard here, trust me.

Tough year 2015

Life has been hard. Instead of explaining it here, summary, GST coming next month, his family bussiness needs to close down.
I do not dare to interfere on his family bussiness as I fear of what happen to my relative will happen to me. No matter what happen,
money is the only thing I can hold on to. This is reality.Besides this, my father in law decided to stay with us since my kind hubby volunteer to take care of him.
The truth is very ugly but, I do not take pity with this old man. I feel he doesnt deserve my pity judging the way he side on my Indon sister in law(including
sponsoring their family for the past 4 years). The fact of not having children is already very heartache but my in laws still digging our hard earned money.
Being kind to them is so not worth it.Down the road, if one day, my hubby ask me , where is his money/children issue, I probably answer, you have use it to take care of
your father which in the end, you gain nothing. Sounds cruel, right ? Thats the truth.Let me give an example,let say u earn 5k per month, 2k for the house and car installment,
so u left 3k, but 1.5k for your credit card bills, phone bills, utilities etc..so you left 1.5k, but it doesnt stop there, imagine you have a father who keep digging your money, do you
think u can still afford to have children? You may questioned me, how about my mum? Isnt she going to grow old?
This was ask by my hubby when he inform me when he want to take care of his dad.I told him, do you have any idea how much money my mum has for his old age?
Secondly, if one day, she is not capable to take care of herself, I need to send her to nursing home.Nursing home cost 1.9k per month,ok?I need to work to earn a living so I have no choice.
At least my mum has save enough money for her old age(which I intend to do the same). His father? He used all his money to sponsor his bro family, although I cant control that but isnt he selfish?
When your youngest son finish taking advantage of you,you come to another son which you just dig his money? Sounds right?
Have you think that your son will grow old too, someday? That he doesnt even have any children to count on?
Doesnt it means we dont have children, you need to take advantage of us? I feel sad that my hubby being take advantage by his family but he doesnt want to admit it.
I have no choice but to be the cruel one,I need to hold on to the money no matter what happen.Ok, enough of ranting. Life is not a bed of roses, I do know but it is so hard sometimes that I sometimes
cry to sleep when I think of all this problems.I knew it doesnt help by crying but being human, we cant stop tear flowing when things keep going wrong.
After wake up, I told myself, I keep hold on and put a smile on my face as I hope things will get better and I need to stay positive!

Feeling blessed to have sincere frens..

Each time when CNY is just around the corner, the same question pops out on my mind when the CNY gathering was arrange with my close frens.
Where are you?Are you doing well? Perhaps married? When can I see you again?
You must be wondering who am I referring to here. Friends come and go.
But to me, there are few frens that has left a deep impression in my life. You are one of them.
Years has passed by but there was no news about you. Each time, I feel sad thinking about you , how you left our group.
I remember chatting with you on the phone at late night, talking about things, how we work together side by side for Super Kinta Sale.
The time we eat lunch together with the rest of the group everyday. I miss those moments. In just a blink of eye, ten years has passed.
I was 18 that time, you are being older than me one year, right now i already 30 this year.Being young at that time, there are no worries.
SPM just over and there was nothing on my mind. Just having fun. Getting to know more frens, without judging their background and education.
I thank god, my friendship with Yean Peng and Chooi Hun still maintain after 10 years.Without fail, every year, CNY, we will gather and update
each other our daily lives. Be it sad news or good news.Thankful having such good frens.Its not that I dun value my other frens, but I have to admit
YP and CH has a special place in my heart compare to other frens. They are somehow is very loyal frens, frens I can count on. Not those frens that when
you tell them something, they spreading it and making fun of you. YP and CH is not like that, I already notice. Sincere frens are hard to find, and I thank
god for giving both of them to me. I lost a good fren due to misunderstanding on the group, but I still have two frens that stick to me through thick and thin.

Lesson learnt in year 2014

You must be wondering how come I am blogging at this hour, the reason is simple. I am current attending training at Damansara Uptown and right now, it is still break time. Lunch is from 12 to 2 pm. Cool,right? Yea, too bad, it only last for four days and will be back office on Friday. So how was first month of year 2015? Well, sad to say, I experienced a bad day with my hubby on the first day of new year. Can you believe it? First day of new year already "gaduh", bad start of the year. It wasnt those small argument where we just ignore each other for few minutes. Each time I think of his family, I have this phobia( you call me paranoid as well) that someday his family will be "digging out money" from both of us. Why do I have this kind of fear?I have seen one example, my relative. I feel sad for her each time I think of what happen to her. I live with my relative for three years and during this time, money was never an issue for her. Things start to change after they have children, being ignorant as always, I din even realise she  was having some financial difficulties. We are still living in the same neighbourhood but I guess we are not close to the extend , she will share her personal problems with me. I got a shock of my life when my mum told me her rented apartment was sold out. She has become housewife since she was preggie with her first child. Her source of income was the rented apartment. What could have happen, I wonder. Then, I found out it was due to her hubby family financial.Credit cards, and her hubby bussiness went down. Credit cards, we need to manage it properly. I always remember what my mum told me, if your in laws have financial problem and you help them, who will help u if you landed into deep financial situation? Lets be realistic. No one. This is what happen to my relative. Sold off the apartment and landed yourself into tight budget. Credit cards is always a problem. Swipe swipe and your bills accumulate but if you have high salary, yes, this is not a problem. There are people out there who cant manage their credit card bills.Yes, they will ask you to borrow money, if this happens, in my opinion, NO WAY. Ask them to sort this with AKPK or pay the debts in installment. I really hate this kind of people who sort of the fastest way by borrowing money from your family members. This sort of attitude is unacceptable and my hubby family happen to have such a person. Rotten brat, I should say. I guess I will never get along with his family and will never will. All I can say is, I need to be much more patient and protect my money. Money is not the most important but without money, life would be miserable. I definitely wont want to end up like my relative.

Year 2014 end, hello 2015

Well, year 2014 will soon end with less than a week time. Time for 2014 review,huh? Well, the first quarter of the year was average for me as I really had a tough time coping up with my dad's inheritance issue plus the family almost broke down due to some conflict.It was really difficult time.Sabah trip was on March and I had a great time there with hubby. The visit to Ipoh Specialist Centre to see gynae was a mental torture.Stop that in April as I cant go back Ipoh that often.During this time, I focus on my work instead of the idea of having a child. To me, there are many other things in life than having a kid at home.Its not that I dont like kids but if we already tried and judging by my health conditions, why not focus on other things and accept the truth? My mum and hubby in this issue but I got really tired of it. Second half of the year was great with Phuket trip this year. Have a wonderful time except the part "no electricity". Everything was nice there and amazed with Fantasea and aqua show. Well, 2015 is approaching and overall, I am satisfied with what I went through this year. It was hard to cope up with my mum as the fact dad is no longer around is still hard to accept. Its already two years and up till today, I still think of him and occasionally cry too. I tried to comfort my mum and ask her to be strong as she still having hard time coping with it. Well, life still have to go on. Ok, time for 2015 resolutions

1) Get my Melaka house key asap and rent it out to cover the bank loan
2) I miss out the opportunity to see JKS in Korea on Jan 24 due to my heavy training schedule. His concert will be at Japan, I think it is way over my budget, thus no choice, need to see him from far( Youtube and through CRIJ 6.Officially his fan club member from 1 Jan 2015. Hehe...
3) Holiday in Seoul, Korea end of the year during winter time.Best if can double purpose..to attend JKS concert but I doubt he will have it two times in a year.
4) Get my share grant ( yes, money..Thank you, TIME DOT COM for giving me the shares FREE.
5) Achieve all my KPI and get BONUS so that my bank accounts will have more than 4 digits ,please.
6) Each year, I hope that I can conceive baby  but  I change my mind this time. Please give me good health to myself and my hubby and  I hope we stay safe and sound for the year 2015.
7) Good health to my mum and I hope someday, she wont cry anymore when think of my dad.
8) Hope I can have more patience and stay focus on my work and smooth sailing year 2015
9) Change car? Each year, when i calculate the money, I drop the idea. Still dream of getting nonlocal car. Hmm...
10) Have less conflict with my hubby's family. Driving me crazy. I dont think this can achieve judging by my hot tempered personality.

A quiet birthday with my hubby and mum

It was just a very quiet birthday with my hubby and mum this year. This is due to my birthday falls on weekdays. However, i got a very special birthday present from TIME this year. Yes, TIME is giving share to high performance staff only. Give, ok, not e source. 500 shares for my performance last year. Its not much but better than nothing. Sometimes i feel very exhausted, not easy to handle my mum without hurting her feelings. She is very sensitive ever since daddy not around.Bought lots of shoes nowadays. Although bought Skechers but I still got myself a Reebok shoes as well. Well, next year, with GST coming, no more shoes, no more clothes unless really necessary. This kind of mentality is causing me to spend more money...nyek nyek. My luggage bag was spoilt during my Singapore trip. It was bought by my dear daddy for me so feel a bit pain. No, I not going to throw it away as it was a good one. Plan to bring it for repair in Ipoh (crossed fingers it can be repair). In the meantime, I bought a Barry Smith one for myself. Ok, dun make me feel guilty , I was actually planning to get a Samsonite one  but it was way too expensive. American Tourister is a good brand too, this one I can afford but why pay attention so much to brand? Most importantly, can last, right? Samsonite can last a lifetime definitely but thinking about the money, nah, cant so I get Barry Smith one instead. I assume should be ok since they give 3 year warranty on the bag. Lets hope it will last. Was planning to go to Bangkok but drop the idea down as my Korea trip is still pending. Praying hard I can make it to Korea next year. Last but not least, I was hoping I can go to my TEAM H concert as well next year. Once in a lifetime , I must see my idol, JKS face to face on the stage. Due to money constraint, I din join CriJ 5 last year. This year, make the effort to join his official fan club. Its not cheap, but what the heck, love him way too much so I join. My registration was successful thanks to the help of the other eels( JKS fans is called eels), now waiting for the membership card to arrive all the way from Korea. Some will ask, how come at this age, still like Korean idol? To me, JKS is no ordinary guy, he is very special. He has his own principles, his dreams and he is very hardworking. His voice is simply wonderful.Ok, enough of my idol. Life so far has been great. I miss you , daddy but I know you will always there in our heart. Mum sometimes will complain about you but to me, you always the best daddy.

October and turning into 29 soon

How time flies. I will be approaching 29. Birthday soon but no suprises this year. Hubby bought a breadmaker for my birthday, Nothing much to ask for. Love the Seiko watch he bought for me last year. Dorothy Perkins just reload their winter fall collection so I grab myself a dress and a blouse from Subang Parade.Due to my size, very hard to find clothes that can fit in. Although is expensive, but if look nice, spend a little bit more is ok,right? Tried a few but material is those sticking my body, can see my poyo belly.....Will save the blouse for CNY. Well, things going very well. Start to pay my Ultrapolis apartment, my MLK house is ready and waiting to collect keys. Car accident the other day but very minor scratches at the bumper and car plate. Already get a new car plate last weekend. Life is great, can I be a bit greedy? Perhaps get myself another studio apartment?

Happy Birthday to my daddy...

I didnt forget that today was your birthday, daddy. Cant believe it was the third year we cant celebrate your birthday together.
In fact, we can never do that anymore. The pain never go away even after two years.Each time I think of you, tears start rolling into my eyes.
It was the same for mum as well. We have move on but the part you are gone will always be there each time I think of you.
I miss you, daddy. I feel I can do better , in fact much better but you just left , just like that.
As I look back, you are the one always cracking up jokes and you seldom scold your children. I, as your second child feel blessful to have
such a caring daddy. In my heart, you are always the best daddy. I cant deny that I feel it is unfair for you to leave just like that.
I blame god for taking away such a good person away from me. I knew u will leave someday but never on my mind, it will be in such a way.
you never said goodbye, I never even had a chance to say goodbye. In my memories, you always there, just like how u help me to organise my wedding.
I never have to worry thanks to I having a good daddy like u.Although your voice was very loud, but you never raise your voice to me.Not that I remember.
I miss hanging out with you , our MCD session or our JJ session.you are not just my daddy, you are my best buddy as well. Happy birthday daddy and I miss you...

A cold Thursday morning

It is me again.Been stressful nowadays. No wonder the amount of white hair on my head has doubled up. A lot
is on my mind. Especially work work and work. How am I going to meet my kpi this year? The stress on baby also the same.
Mum keep nagging and pushing me to do the laproscopy ovarian drilling.I feel alone as if I am the only one left in
this world each time I need to face this kind of issue. It is indeed mental torturing. Is it not having children
is the end? No, it isnt. I have many other things to settle. I know mum is worried but I am sorry, this is beyond my control.
If you were in my shoes, u will know how hard it is for me to accept the fact, I can never have kids.
My hubby feels the same as well with all the questions from his frens and colleagues. I dont want to give him
a hard time , it is like adding salt in the wound.no matter what happens, as long as we have each other, i think
it is enough.Recently, I get to know the value of money better. What is money? I never felt so poor in my life.
Well the reality hits me. When you dont have money,each cent counts and you need to think twice before you buy something.
I sometimes feel sad when I think of myself reaching the age of 50 years old. Without money, how to survive?
What if I am sick, like diabetes, hypertension? I dont even have children that can look after me, or someone who call me.This kind of thoughts
will bring tears to my eyes.It was even more painful when I tot of my hubby. I always tell my mum, we are consider lucky. How many people are there
who has children but the children is far away and they dun even have money. This is where the importance of money comes to me.
When we are young, we can make money as people will hire, but what happens when you are old? You wont be able to make money.
Each and everyone of us will grow old.I have seen old aunties selling biscuit just to survive.Pityful. Luck wasnt on their side.
Children nowadays tend to forget their parents, where their roots come from.I see children scolding their parents just because the parents doesnt have money.Imagine if someday
your children scold u, yet this ungrateful children never put their shoes in the parents.I am not saying I am perfect either, I will try my very best.
I feel I have not done enough, not enough for my daddy. The memories is still very fresh on my mind.It was father's day.
I went back to my hometown one week before Father's day and I did treat my dad a nice meal at Jusco Station 18. It never occur to me, it was my last meal with my dad.
On the week which is the exact Father's day, I din go back. My elder sis and her family went home and when I call my dad, he was asking me to go back along with my sis.
I was tired, thus I told him, I need to spend time with hubby too since I already went back Ipoh previously.I didnt know that it was my last chance to see my daddy.
Learning from this, no matter how difficult my mum is, I tried to be patient. Although I m not earning much, I bring her to nice food, travelling to short trips as her leg
still not yet fully recovered.
I still give money to her every month, its not much but enough to make her happy. Even when my dad is alive, I do give money to him monthly also just to make him happy.
Will be bringing my mum to Singapore soon in Oct. I feel we as children must do our part, doesnt mean your parents has a lot of money, children can take advantage.
Its not the amount of money, but old people feel happy when children give them money.I have seen children abandon their parents,some even work as a gynae in Singapore.
Pity the mother that has raise up a gynae, but end up alone. Its sad to see such scenerio, it reminds me not to be like this kind of people. Earning a lot but whats the point?
So, please be nice to your parents while they are still alive. We never know when someday they will just leave without saying goodbye.
To my daddy, although I din do my best, but at least, I have bring you to go hols,makan makan and those memories will always be in my mind.

Dreaming of the land of "sarang hae yo"

From TVB, i already switch to Korean drama since early of this year. Its not only that, along the way with my
Korean drama, I even began to admire Korean stars. Above is one of the stars I admire the most.He is no other
than the Asia Prince, Jang Keun Suk. Being an actor for more than 20 years, I feel he is different from others
Previously, I do like Lee Min Ho and also Kim Soo Hyun but JKS is definitely different. What attracts me is his voice
. I downloaded all his songs and I even bought his latest album online to support him.
What so special about him? To me, he is a very hardworking star compare to others.
Although he is busy with his singing career, he is still active as an actor with acting in a drama once a year.
Besides that, singing and acting is not only his task, he is also involved in his web radio, zikzin radio.
I listened to it and can feel his way of thinking on a lot of topics is very mature and his attractive voice
capture my heart as well.Although there was a lot of rumours for the last 4 years, as he is a bit wild during
Team H party, I believe everyone got their evil side but as long as we saw the positive side, it is enough.
Will always support him and looking forward to his next drama.