Tough year 2015

Life has been hard. Instead of explaining it here, summary, GST coming next month, his family bussiness needs to close down.
I do not dare to interfere on his family bussiness as I fear of what happen to my relative will happen to me. No matter what happen,
money is the only thing I can hold on to. This is reality.Besides this, my father in law decided to stay with us since my kind hubby volunteer to take care of him.
The truth is very ugly but, I do not take pity with this old man. I feel he doesnt deserve my pity judging the way he side on my Indon sister in law(including
sponsoring their family for the past 4 years). The fact of not having children is already very heartache but my in laws still digging our hard earned money.
Being kind to them is so not worth it.Down the road, if one day, my hubby ask me , where is his money/children issue, I probably answer, you have use it to take care of
your father which in the end, you gain nothing. Sounds cruel, right ? Thats the truth.Let me give an example,let say u earn 5k per month, 2k for the house and car installment,
so u left 3k, but 1.5k for your credit card bills, phone bills, utilities etc..so you left 1.5k, but it doesnt stop there, imagine you have a father who keep digging your money, do you
think u can still afford to have children? You may questioned me, how about my mum? Isnt she going to grow old?
This was ask by my hubby when he inform me when he want to take care of his dad.I told him, do you have any idea how much money my mum has for his old age?
Secondly, if one day, she is not capable to take care of herself, I need to send her to nursing home.Nursing home cost 1.9k per month,ok?I need to work to earn a living so I have no choice.
At least my mum has save enough money for her old age(which I intend to do the same). His father? He used all his money to sponsor his bro family, although I cant control that but isnt he selfish?
When your youngest son finish taking advantage of you,you come to another son which you just dig his money? Sounds right?
Have you think that your son will grow old too, someday? That he doesnt even have any children to count on?
Doesnt it means we dont have children, you need to take advantage of us? I feel sad that my hubby being take advantage by his family but he doesnt want to admit it.
I have no choice but to be the cruel one,I need to hold on to the money no matter what happen.Ok, enough of ranting. Life is not a bed of roses, I do know but it is so hard sometimes that I sometimes
cry to sleep when I think of all this problems.I knew it doesnt help by crying but being human, we cant stop tear flowing when things keep going wrong.
After wake up, I told myself, I keep hold on and put a smile on my face as I hope things will get better and I need to stay positive!

Feeling blessed to have sincere frens..

Each time when CNY is just around the corner, the same question pops out on my mind when the CNY gathering was arrange with my close frens.
Where are you?Are you doing well? Perhaps married? When can I see you again?
You must be wondering who am I referring to here. Friends come and go.
But to me, there are few frens that has left a deep impression in my life. You are one of them.
Years has passed by but there was no news about you. Each time, I feel sad thinking about you , how you left our group.
I remember chatting with you on the phone at late night, talking about things, how we work together side by side for Super Kinta Sale.
The time we eat lunch together with the rest of the group everyday. I miss those moments. In just a blink of eye, ten years has passed.
I was 18 that time, you are being older than me one year, right now i already 30 this year.Being young at that time, there are no worries.
SPM just over and there was nothing on my mind. Just having fun. Getting to know more frens, without judging their background and education.
I thank god, my friendship with Yean Peng and Chooi Hun still maintain after 10 years.Without fail, every year, CNY, we will gather and update
each other our daily lives. Be it sad news or good news.Thankful having such good frens.Its not that I dun value my other frens, but I have to admit
YP and CH has a special place in my heart compare to other frens. They are somehow is very loyal frens, frens I can count on. Not those frens that when
you tell them something, they spreading it and making fun of you. YP and CH is not like that, I already notice. Sincere frens are hard to find, and I thank
god for giving both of them to me. I lost a good fren due to misunderstanding on the group, but I still have two frens that stick to me through thick and thin.

Lesson learnt in year 2014

You must be wondering how come I am blogging at this hour, the reason is simple. I am current attending training at Damansara Uptown and right now, it is still break time. Lunch is from 12 to 2 pm. Cool,right? Yea, too bad, it only last for four days and will be back office on Friday. So how was first month of year 2015? Well, sad to say, I experienced a bad day with my hubby on the first day of new year. Can you believe it? First day of new year already "gaduh", bad start of the year. It wasnt those small argument where we just ignore each other for few minutes. Each time I think of his family, I have this phobia( you call me paranoid as well) that someday his family will be "digging out money" from both of us. Why do I have this kind of fear?I have seen one example, my relative. I feel sad for her each time I think of what happen to her. I live with my relative for three years and during this time, money was never an issue for her. Things start to change after they have children, being ignorant as always, I din even realise she  was having some financial difficulties. We are still living in the same neighbourhood but I guess we are not close to the extend , she will share her personal problems with me. I got a shock of my life when my mum told me her rented apartment was sold out. She has become housewife since she was preggie with her first child. Her source of income was the rented apartment. What could have happen, I wonder. Then, I found out it was due to her hubby family financial.Credit cards, and her hubby bussiness went down. Credit cards, we need to manage it properly. I always remember what my mum told me, if your in laws have financial problem and you help them, who will help u if you landed into deep financial situation? Lets be realistic. No one. This is what happen to my relative. Sold off the apartment and landed yourself into tight budget. Credit cards is always a problem. Swipe swipe and your bills accumulate but if you have high salary, yes, this is not a problem. There are people out there who cant manage their credit card bills.Yes, they will ask you to borrow money, if this happens, in my opinion, NO WAY. Ask them to sort this with AKPK or pay the debts in installment. I really hate this kind of people who sort of the fastest way by borrowing money from your family members. This sort of attitude is unacceptable and my hubby family happen to have such a person. Rotten brat, I should say. I guess I will never get along with his family and will never will. All I can say is, I need to be much more patient and protect my money. Money is not the most important but without money, life would be miserable. I definitely wont want to end up like my relative.

Year 2014 end, hello 2015

Well, year 2014 will soon end with less than a week time. Time for 2014 review,huh? Well, the first quarter of the year was average for me as I really had a tough time coping up with my dad's inheritance issue plus the family almost broke down due to some conflict.It was really difficult time.Sabah trip was on March and I had a great time there with hubby. The visit to Ipoh Specialist Centre to see gynae was a mental torture.Stop that in April as I cant go back Ipoh that often.During this time, I focus on my work instead of the idea of having a child. To me, there are many other things in life than having a kid at home.Its not that I dont like kids but if we already tried and judging by my health conditions, why not focus on other things and accept the truth? My mum and hubby in this issue but I got really tired of it. Second half of the year was great with Phuket trip this year. Have a wonderful time except the part "no electricity". Everything was nice there and amazed with Fantasea and aqua show. Well, 2015 is approaching and overall, I am satisfied with what I went through this year. It was hard to cope up with my mum as the fact dad is no longer around is still hard to accept. Its already two years and up till today, I still think of him and occasionally cry too. I tried to comfort my mum and ask her to be strong as she still having hard time coping with it. Well, life still have to go on. Ok, time for 2015 resolutions

1) Get my Melaka house key asap and rent it out to cover the bank loan
2) I miss out the opportunity to see JKS in Korea on Jan 24 due to my heavy training schedule. His concert will be at Japan, I think it is way over my budget, thus no choice, need to see him from far( Youtube and through CRIJ 6.Officially his fan club member from 1 Jan 2015. Hehe...
3) Holiday in Seoul, Korea end of the year during winter time.Best if can double purpose..to attend JKS concert but I doubt he will have it two times in a year.
4) Get my share grant ( yes, money..Thank you, TIME DOT COM for giving me the shares FREE.
5) Achieve all my KPI and get BONUS so that my bank accounts will have more than 4 digits ,please.
6) Each year, I hope that I can conceive baby  but  I change my mind this time. Please give me good health to myself and my hubby and  I hope we stay safe and sound for the year 2015.
7) Good health to my mum and I hope someday, she wont cry anymore when think of my dad.
8) Hope I can have more patience and stay focus on my work and smooth sailing year 2015
9) Change car? Each year, when i calculate the money, I drop the idea. Still dream of getting nonlocal car. Hmm...
10) Have less conflict with my hubby's family. Driving me crazy. I dont think this can achieve judging by my hot tempered personality.

A quiet birthday with my hubby and mum

It was just a very quiet birthday with my hubby and mum this year. This is due to my birthday falls on weekdays. However, i got a very special birthday present from TIME this year. Yes, TIME is giving share to high performance staff only. Give, ok, not e source. 500 shares for my performance last year. Its not much but better than nothing. Sometimes i feel very exhausted, not easy to handle my mum without hurting her feelings. She is very sensitive ever since daddy not around.Bought lots of shoes nowadays. Although bought Skechers but I still got myself a Reebok shoes as well. Well, next year, with GST coming, no more shoes, no more clothes unless really necessary. This kind of mentality is causing me to spend more money...nyek nyek. My luggage bag was spoilt during my Singapore trip. It was bought by my dear daddy for me so feel a bit pain. No, I not going to throw it away as it was a good one. Plan to bring it for repair in Ipoh (crossed fingers it can be repair). In the meantime, I bought a Barry Smith one for myself. Ok, dun make me feel guilty , I was actually planning to get a Samsonite one  but it was way too expensive. American Tourister is a good brand too, this one I can afford but why pay attention so much to brand? Most importantly, can last, right? Samsonite can last a lifetime definitely but thinking about the money, nah, cant so I get Barry Smith one instead. I assume should be ok since they give 3 year warranty on the bag. Lets hope it will last. Was planning to go to Bangkok but drop the idea down as my Korea trip is still pending. Praying hard I can make it to Korea next year. Last but not least, I was hoping I can go to my TEAM H concert as well next year. Once in a lifetime , I must see my idol, JKS face to face on the stage. Due to money constraint, I din join CriJ 5 last year. This year, make the effort to join his official fan club. Its not cheap, but what the heck, love him way too much so I join. My registration was successful thanks to the help of the other eels( JKS fans is called eels), now waiting for the membership card to arrive all the way from Korea. Some will ask, how come at this age, still like Korean idol? To me, JKS is no ordinary guy, he is very special. He has his own principles, his dreams and he is very hardworking. His voice is simply wonderful.Ok, enough of my idol. Life so far has been great. I miss you , daddy but I know you will always there in our heart. Mum sometimes will complain about you but to me, you always the best daddy.

October and turning into 29 soon

How time flies. I will be approaching 29. Birthday soon but no suprises this year. Hubby bought a breadmaker for my birthday, Nothing much to ask for. Love the Seiko watch he bought for me last year. Dorothy Perkins just reload their winter fall collection so I grab myself a dress and a blouse from Subang Parade.Due to my size, very hard to find clothes that can fit in. Although is expensive, but if look nice, spend a little bit more is ok,right? Tried a few but material is those sticking my body, can see my poyo belly.....Will save the blouse for CNY. Well, things going very well. Start to pay my Ultrapolis apartment, my MLK house is ready and waiting to collect keys. Car accident the other day but very minor scratches at the bumper and car plate. Already get a new car plate last weekend. Life is great, can I be a bit greedy? Perhaps get myself another studio apartment?

Happy Birthday to my daddy...

I didnt forget that today was your birthday, daddy. Cant believe it was the third year we cant celebrate your birthday together.
In fact, we can never do that anymore. The pain never go away even after two years.Each time I think of you, tears start rolling into my eyes.
It was the same for mum as well. We have move on but the part you are gone will always be there each time I think of you.
I miss you, daddy. I feel I can do better , in fact much better but you just left , just like that.
As I look back, you are the one always cracking up jokes and you seldom scold your children. I, as your second child feel blessful to have
such a caring daddy. In my heart, you are always the best daddy. I cant deny that I feel it is unfair for you to leave just like that.
I blame god for taking away such a good person away from me. I knew u will leave someday but never on my mind, it will be in such a way.
you never said goodbye, I never even had a chance to say goodbye. In my memories, you always there, just like how u help me to organise my wedding.
I never have to worry thanks to I having a good daddy like u.Although your voice was very loud, but you never raise your voice to me.Not that I remember.
I miss hanging out with you , our MCD session or our JJ session.you are not just my daddy, you are my best buddy as well. Happy birthday daddy and I miss you...

A cold Thursday morning

It is me again.Been stressful nowadays. No wonder the amount of white hair on my head has doubled up. A lot
is on my mind. Especially work work and work. How am I going to meet my kpi this year? The stress on baby also the same.
Mum keep nagging and pushing me to do the laproscopy ovarian drilling.I feel alone as if I am the only one left in
this world each time I need to face this kind of issue. It is indeed mental torturing. Is it not having children
is the end? No, it isnt. I have many other things to settle. I know mum is worried but I am sorry, this is beyond my control.
If you were in my shoes, u will know how hard it is for me to accept the fact, I can never have kids.
My hubby feels the same as well with all the questions from his frens and colleagues. I dont want to give him
a hard time , it is like adding salt in the wound.no matter what happens, as long as we have each other, i think
it is enough.Recently, I get to know the value of money better. What is money? I never felt so poor in my life.
Well the reality hits me. When you dont have money,each cent counts and you need to think twice before you buy something.
I sometimes feel sad when I think of myself reaching the age of 50 years old. Without money, how to survive?
What if I am sick, like diabetes, hypertension? I dont even have children that can look after me, or someone who call me.This kind of thoughts
will bring tears to my eyes.It was even more painful when I tot of my hubby. I always tell my mum, we are consider lucky. How many people are there
who has children but the children is far away and they dun even have money. This is where the importance of money comes to me.
When we are young, we can make money as people will hire, but what happens when you are old? You wont be able to make money.
Each and everyone of us will grow old.I have seen old aunties selling biscuit just to survive.Pityful. Luck wasnt on their side.
Children nowadays tend to forget their parents, where their roots come from.I see children scolding their parents just because the parents doesnt have money.Imagine if someday
your children scold u, yet this ungrateful children never put their shoes in the parents.I am not saying I am perfect either, I will try my very best.
I feel I have not done enough, not enough for my daddy. The memories is still very fresh on my mind.It was father's day.
I went back to my hometown one week before Father's day and I did treat my dad a nice meal at Jusco Station 18. It never occur to me, it was my last meal with my dad.
On the week which is the exact Father's day, I din go back. My elder sis and her family went home and when I call my dad, he was asking me to go back along with my sis.
I was tired, thus I told him, I need to spend time with hubby too since I already went back Ipoh previously.I didnt know that it was my last chance to see my daddy.
Learning from this, no matter how difficult my mum is, I tried to be patient. Although I m not earning much, I bring her to nice food, travelling to short trips as her leg
still not yet fully recovered.
I still give money to her every month, its not much but enough to make her happy. Even when my dad is alive, I do give money to him monthly also just to make him happy.
Will be bringing my mum to Singapore soon in Oct. I feel we as children must do our part, doesnt mean your parents has a lot of money, children can take advantage.
Its not the amount of money, but old people feel happy when children give them money.I have seen children abandon their parents,some even work as a gynae in Singapore.
Pity the mother that has raise up a gynae, but end up alone. Its sad to see such scenerio, it reminds me not to be like this kind of people. Earning a lot but whats the point?
So, please be nice to your parents while they are still alive. We never know when someday they will just leave without saying goodbye.
To my daddy, although I din do my best, but at least, I have bring you to go hols,makan makan and those memories will always be in my mind.

Dreaming of the land of "sarang hae yo"

From TVB, i already switch to Korean drama since early of this year. Its not only that, along the way with my
Korean drama, I even began to admire Korean stars. Above is one of the stars I admire the most.He is no other
than the Asia Prince, Jang Keun Suk. Being an actor for more than 20 years, I feel he is different from others
Previously, I do like Lee Min Ho and also Kim Soo Hyun but JKS is definitely different. What attracts me is his voice
. I downloaded all his songs and I even bought his latest album online to support him.
What so special about him? To me, he is a very hardworking star compare to others.
Although he is busy with his singing career, he is still active as an actor with acting in a drama once a year.
Besides that, singing and acting is not only his task, he is also involved in his web radio, zikzin radio.
I listened to it and can feel his way of thinking on a lot of topics is very mature and his attractive voice
capture my heart as well.Although there was a lot of rumours for the last 4 years, as he is a bit wild during
Team H party, I believe everyone got their evil side but as long as we saw the positive side, it is enough.
Will always support him and looking forward to his next drama.

Wonderful Memories

Feel a bit emo today.Although I always act strong in front, but deep inside, I am just a normal human. Two years has passed since my beloved daddy left.Hanging on there, I told myself but I just feel tired nowadays Its not that I gave up , just want to have a break so that I can recharge myself. Sometimes I will think of a fren, wonder where he is now. Perhaps married with children?Memories...they are so precious.Each time I hear Leo Ku's song,love and honesty, I will think of him. I remember the time we spend together, it was one of the happiest time of my life, no worries, just me and you in that small office. You know I like Leo Ku song, you will sing it for me and purposely,on the song on your hp. I will forever remember your face that time..Although we no longer contact each other, I still thankful to have such a wonderful memories. It is true frens come and go but the frens I made along the way , they are always on my mind(unless I nyanyuk one day)

What is happiness to you?

Something came up my mind this morning. How do you define happiness? What actually satisfies you? I believe Happiness is something all of us will be after. I was even approached by one of my junior on a project called "Happy Life". So, what is happiness to you? Is happiness the day you walk on the aisle where you made your wedding vows in front of your family and frens? Do you think those fairy tale in Disney movies with the ending "happily ever after" is true? I used to think that was called happiness when I was a kid. When I was a kid,life has been great and I can say it was the happiest phase in my life as I dont have worries, everyday it is about playing with other kids,I do not know what is having money or how to make more money, the problems in life.It was great till you can always see a chubby girl smilling always in almost every pic my parents took of me. However , as I grew up, when I look at my own pics, I have changed from a cute ,cheerful girl into someone who seldom smiles. The smiles has been probably reduced 80% compare to when I was a kid.The reality sucks.I have always wanted to go back time but it is impossible right? Like the saying "time is gold, once passed, you can never get it back".The day I lost my beloved daddy is one of the saddest day in my life.I knew someday he will leave me, but not that soon not in such a way without saying goodbye. Only god knows how much pain I went through that night. In the midst of darkness, is it possible to find happiness? I feel almost impossible. There is no smile. I sort of collapsed , losing the battle with happiness. But it is not the end, if we think that happiness is gone, thats where we land ourself into the land of depression. Time passed, and I found my happiness back but it is never the same happiness I experience when I was a kid. To me, happiness is when you spend time with your loved one by going to hols, happiness when I achieved my KPI and when I bought another property with my own hard earned money. Thats the happiness I define for myself. Although I dont have the luck/good fate on having a child,I am sure a child is also consider a happiness for every parents but I feel blessed to find my "the one". We might want a lot of things in life but if it is not fated,we also cant do anything.I feel I can find other happiness to compensate those things we cant have. Life is indeed a roller coaster , with ups and down.

Sabah trip ( March 2014)

Q2 2014 coming to an end

Well, I din even realized that it has been more than 3 months I didnt write a new post in my blog. Time flies in 2014. Well, to sum up, Q1 2014 has been really good. Went to Sabah in March and it was really a great, relaxing trip with dear. Food there is great and I ate lobster for the first time. Cost rm90 but consider cheap as it was a huge one. Been working hard for the first quarter due to bonus will be out in April 2014 and I need to ensure I met all the KPI set. Unfortunely, I only manage to met 5/6 KPI. Although a bit dissapointed with myself,I have to admit I din put enough effort. Will try my best this year. Satisfied with the three months bonus(better than my previous company) but not sure how long I can stay in this company. Boss driving me crazy once a week, its hard to tolerate with single lady boss. Things doesnt go too well in my family. I feel sad each time when I feel my siblings seems to wonder off far away. I tried my best to keep everyone together but seems I have failed. Things got heated up during the week that we went to court to settle dad's assets. Arguments and we sort of shouting and yell at each other. Not to mention, my mum keep crying and being unreasonable.I ask myself, what happen to my family? If dad was around, he probably will be very sad to see our family in such a state. I was at a lost on what to do that time. Elder sis sort of lost control of herself that time. Mum was in a very sad, emotional state. In my mind, I was whispering "daddy, can u help us to go through such hard times?" The court session went well and although things are back to normal now but deep inside, I knew, the torns will always be there and there is nothing can be done to remove it away. Just as the sadness of losing my daddy, it will never fade away in my mum heart no matter how long the time passed. Life still have to go on.Sometimes, I tried to make my mum understand but her stuck up attitude refuse to listen. Each time, she was telling me on "there is no difference with having children with no children". I feel she was being not satisfied with life, ungrateful with what she had and I tell her straight on the face as well. She will said "no", living in a state of denial. I have tried to ask my colleague on this kind of problem. According to her, parents tend to be like that as they have some influence from their frens where this frens have ungrateful children being bad to them, causing them to brainwash the other party as well. I find this really true. This is because my mum do have a couple fren where their children doesnt bother about them and they sort of complaining their children to my mum. I m not saying this couple is bad but somehow, they do influence my mum until she keep feeling the children sort of abandon her(which is not true at all). I have no idea on how to fix this. Mentality is the hardest thing to fix as there is no control on this.Its really hard , I dont want to scold my mum on this , I just want her to know, we ,as children, we tried our best. You cant expect too much and I dont like the idea of parents threatening the children with materials. Well, my health sort of ok but I getting sick of the catering food thus decided to end it end of May and will resume cooking by myself. Mum keep buggin me on the "having children" issue. The series of I going to visit gynae from last year till April 2014 was a series of nightmare. I hate the idea of going through such thing. I do this for my hubby but I dun know how to make him understand the concept of "its just the two of us" and we should enjoy each other company instead of having kids. Reaching 30 soon and I realized the chance of conceiving a child is less than 50%. I am tired of trying, frankly speaking. If fated, then we just need to accept it. All I ask for is to have good health, good menstrual cycle. Please grant me this. I dont ask for more.

Being EMO....

Sometimes when I am sad, I dont show it but it doesnt mean I am not crying inside , its just that I prefer to look at the positive side rather than the negative side. I dont talk about it doesnt mean I dun have feelings , it is just that I hold on to the principle "life just have to go on". No matter how challenging the path look, we still have to go through it. Cant sit down and keep crying. It doesnt helps I always remind myself that no matter what happens, I need to be strong. Sometimes I wish to share my sorrow with my dear, but deep down, I know it will only make him unhappy with me,thus I normally drop the idea of telling him how I feels. Sometimes, I cried at night without anyone knowing, crying myself to sleep. Its always not easy during this time of the year. Its a new beginning of the Chinese calendar year, but yet i feel very sorrowful each time I think of another year without my daddy.Besides that, it is not the only thing that make me sad. The truth about my condition, deep down i know, its fated that we will never have baby teh junior.I dont know how to put in words each time I think of this problem. The only thing that comforts my mind is life is not perfect, we cant have everything. Be thankful of what we have.Looking at my surroundings, yes, I do have a lot of material things, a nice house to stay, car, and few other properties for investment. My dear also treating me good, a good job with a good boss but yet I cant have kids of my own. I lost one of the most important person in my life, my daddy. Each time I think of him, tears will be rolling down my cheeks. I sometimes ask god, why ? why so soon? Perhaps I didnt do enough charity? I dont think so as I always do charity whenever anyone approach me on donating things. Perhaps I not being nice enough? I am not friendly? The only conclusion I can think of is "It is fated". We just need to accept it.Instead of thinking about kids, I choose to make myself busy. Fully occupied my time with my work. I hate to talk about this topic, and I never mention much about dad too although mum always talking about it. God, please be merciful and help me to forget all those sadness...

Christmas coming, end of year 2013 and say hello to 2014..

It is that time of the year again.The beauty of christmas tree and the enchanting deco surround the malls really cheer up any soul in this world. Although I feel happy seeing all those beautiful christmas deco, yet, I will think , if daddy was here with me, isnt that nice? I miss his smile, his loud voice, his jokes. Not a day I wont think of him.Sometimes, it is very hard to let go the one u love. Not an easy thing to do. He was the one who raise me up, the one who fetch me to school, the one who send me to tuition. He was always there, the look of his face when I got married.He was a great man, the best daddy to me. I have been harsh with him sometimes, teasing him as 'stingy poker' but I didnt know that his money was taken away by his own family causing him to be in such a way. I didnt know that until recently. How cruel is this world.I just feel sorry for my daddy. Well, apart from that, everything is going well.Work, slightly stress due to chasing dateline. Looking forward to Pangkor holiday with family. Yes, I have achieved another target for year 2013. Bought a soho apartment @ Glenmarie at the price of 298k(477 sqf) Yes, i know its small but what to do? Location is very strategic with KDU college in the master plan. The fact is, I cant afford high price property due to lack of money. This is for investment. Like the proverb, bersusah susah dulu, senang senang kemudian. Need to borrow bank loan and a bit afraid income tax will chase after me on this. Well, next target will be starting a family next year. Hubby said want to have baby in the year of the horse. Everything is fated but I need to cure my infertility issue first. Finger crossed.

Advice most needed is least heeded

Well, it has been more than a year my beloved daddy left us without even say goodbye.Although I have always told myself, it is time to move on but each time I think of him, tears will definitely falling from my cheeks.Up till today, I still havent let go, to accept the fact he has gone. I keep asking myself,what actually happen?The memories keep falling down my head , its like flashing some old movies using some old junk equipment in the cinema. In the so called film movie on my head, I recalled how fast it happens, how much I have cried in the funeral parlour, the look at the motionless body in the mortuary, the stitches in his body, and how his body disappear from my sight in the cremation hall.It was a very painful memory, and sometimes, I wonder how my mum actually go through it. A person who u know more than 30 years, sleeping on the side of your bed for the last 30 years suddenly gone. I must admit, my mum is a tough lady.I didnt see her cry much in the funeral but deep down, I know, it hurts her more (probably ten times more than what I felt). The sad eyes on her face on that frightful night, I recalled.Without daddy, I have to do every thing on my own, I thank god for giving me a lovely hubby on my side. Positive thinking, I still have family. My younger sis has always been quiet,I bet she miss daddy too. He was her buddy, her best friend.She learn the lesson the hard way but I am glad she has changed. Changed for better. Her studies so far is good with getting into Dean List. Daddy will be so proud of her. After Dad's incident, I realized, yes, money is important but we should do what we want to do cos life is really short. Live like there is no tomorrow. Although my daddy has become a past, we still need to look into the future. Celebrate mother's day in mum's new apartment with the Rachel and Wai Lik. Mum already retired and I believe she deserve to have a peaceful, happy life . Till then, adios!

2013: First half of the year, feeling great...

Wow, five months, I didnt update my blog. Well, just to share on some update.Recently, I bought a house at Bukit Katil, Melaka. Very happy about it due to the fact, property price is rising tremendously. Looking back the things I had, I realised that I achieve my target. Before 30, I already married, own property, car,hmm...whats next? change car?nah, my car is still in good condition and cars are liabilites. Yea, a lot of people keep asking the same question.when are u having kids? Well, not now. I still want to see the world. Having kids means tying down(can see my neighbour lifestyle-everyday sit at home. omg) I want to spend some quiet time going holiday with my hubby while we can. My mum keep asking me to work hard on the baby issue. Very pressure on this topic. Changing job makes me consider on this kid issue. I need to impressed my boss. Getting pregnant means low productivity(with the morning sickness). Its not that I dont want to have kids but kids plan to be phostphoned(when i am ready).Yea,you might said,by the time u want, cant get it loh due to age factor. Nah, if fated, will have onelah. Let it naturally. Father's Day which falls last weekend, it bring back a lot of memories of my late daddy. It has been one year. Things has been same from the outside but the truth is, things are never same again. I miss his jokes, his smile, his laughter, his loud voice..etc In the early stage, when I go downstairs of my ipoh house on Sunday, tears start flowing down my cheeks non stop.I got so used to my daddy calling me in the morning to wake me up and he will be downstairs , either in the toilet or reading newspaper. The fact that he was gone was difficult to digest when it happens too sudden. As time passes, I no longer cried when I back to Ipoh as I knew I need to stay strong for my mum. It wasnt easy as I notice some mild depression symptom in my mum. I tried to be considerate and tolerate with her. Many times, I lost control and ended up quarrelling with her (i hate the fact my dad is not here and I have to do things on my own and his task) I feel tired at times but I told myself, I need to hang on. There is no one else to help but me and its only me. It wasnt easy dealing with my mum tantrums, my younger sis . When a person gone, things doesnt pause/stop there. There are credit cards(debts) to settle, insurance, socso, lawyers. i have to deal with this and along the way, my younger sis couldnt take it and I have to tolerate with her behaviour. After one year, 80% involving things on my daddy is done.All of us have move on(particularly my elder sis). We miss him and we know he always in our hearts. Its time to look at the future, things we want to do. I myself, what I want is my mum to move on with life,i want her to be happy. Retired and move here so that I can take good care of her. On my career, confirmation of my position is already done. Yay! Things are great in my new company. No stress, learn new things everyday. I love my job!

Bye to year 2012, hello 2013..

The year of 2012 is ending with just a few days left. This year has been one of the most sorrowful year with the sudden death of my beloved daddy. It is not easy to accept and I miss him a lot. He was the pillar strength of family,things has been very difficult especially involving my mum. I feel very sad each time I go back to visit my mum in Ipoh but there is nothing to do to ease the pain. I felt angry with my grandma , very angry with all her evil deeds.Deep inside, I asking myself, why is she not the one that passed away? Why is it has to be my dad? My dad was a kind person, he doesnt deserve this kind of ending.Time will heal but I not sure when as tears keep flowing down each time I think of my daddy. It wasnt easy as it seems to forget someone u really love and care. Anyway, time to move on to my resolution for 2013; 1) to have a good health 2) earn more money(perhaps an increment after I have confirmed from TIME?) 3) able to travel overseas( Singapore / Korea is the next destination) 4) able to rent out Lagoon Suites apartment 5) a baby perhaps( baby is a gift from god, I not sure whether he is giving me a chance to be a mother or not) 6) my nephew free of kutu throughtout the year(i call him "kutu king" currently 7) hubby to be promoted from senior manager to head of dept(so that I can goyang kaki and retired) 8) getting a new car( hmm...Toyota Vios G limited is on my mind)hehe...I drive this car to work everyday but I want to own it and not loaning from my mum. hehe...However, I still love my Proton Persona so perhaps this one will need to forward to year 2014 most likely 9) my mum's health to be good and I want to spend more time with her(if can, without the annoying younger sis) 10) to avoid my in laws (especially my hubby's annoying younger bro who like to show off his son...yes, i know i dont have a son but no need to show off like that.

Langkawi trip

Yes, we went to Langkawi for holiday. I have been planning to hols since March 2012. Flights all booked already so I cant cancel it. Yes, it is time to mourn for my daddy but to me, We need to face the reality. Crying will never bring back my daddy. The truth is hard to accept but we have to accept the fact that "daddy will never come back home ever again". It was nice to go for a trip to put the sad past behind and relax a bit. We spend quite a lot on the souvenier , chocolates. Although it is expensive but I feel that money is not that important, it is important for survival but it is not the most important thing.I regret that I keep postphone a lot of things which I plan to do with my parents due to M(money) factor. Now, I want to take out the money also no use, my daddy is no longer around. So , live life to the fullest as we dont know when one day, we just leave the world just like that. The underwater world was freaking expensive. I even spend RM45 on the pic they took(the cost is around rm10 only) but when I think if i didnt buy, sure regret later as I have no idea when will be the next Langkawi trip. Bought lots of chocolates and also liquor. Couldnt bring much since there is limitation on flight but I bought rougly around 10 batik sarong. Freaking cheap there. Can make lots of skirts to pair up with my Nyonya kebaya. Plan to wear my nyonya kebaya during the Raya makan makan. Who knows? I might won the best dress for the event(perasan hor?). Blek Time to go....sayonara

Things will never be the same again

It has been more than a month but the pic of my beloved daddy is still very fresh in my mind. There wasnt a single day I wont think about him but I told myself " He is in a much better place" and my life has to go on. There are times, I felt sorry for my mum as she has to go through this. It is definitely not easy to lose someone u love and has been with together for more than 30 years.There are times I thought of my daddy and tears keep flowing from my eyes. It was heartache but I do believe, time will heal the wound. Loneliness without my daddy, my mum has to bear each and every day. Weekdays, it will only be just her alone in the house. Thinking about that, I feel helpless not able to help her to feel much better. There is nothing I can do. My life , career is all in Kl. No choice, I just hope when the right time comes, she will retire and I will take good care of her. Going back Ipoh each time bring back the memories. We are all humans, we cant just erase the memory of my daddy. I not sure when we will feel much better but I tried to help my mum in every way I could. I feel tired each time travelling but not even once, I will complain to my mum. I just told myself " i need to be strong and hang on".Things will never be the same again without my daddy around. We got so used to be dependent on him but no choice, from now on, everything, we need to settle it ourselves. Never come across my mind, I need to go through this . I thank god, that I do have someone there beside me when I feel sad. Thanks to my dear hubby for being patient, helping me all the way. I hope my mum will be strong. Yes, we both cried at night whenever we mention about daddy but I believe, someday, we will be able to put the past behind us and move on without shedding any tears. I love my daddy and will always be. I have made a promise to take care of my mum and I hope I have the ability, strength to do that.