yo,wu zun!

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i dun know what i want

yup,my fyp presentation is finally over.dun really want to talk about it.anyway,i got a strange feeling.i am not sure what i assumed is correct or not.i will never know the truth unless i ask but i just not sure of my own feelings anymore.sometimes,i wonder,do i still have an empty space in my heart?are you the one that will help me fill up the space?i am afraid that u will be taken by others.jealousy is one of the factor of love.i definitely have a very high one.i just keep everything to myself.i scared to know the truth.the reason is i dun want to feel sad or heartbroken if the truth is not what i want to hear.some told me that u never know unless u gave it a try but i just dun have the courage or strength.well,i have other things to worry about such as find a place to stay during my itp and final exam.concentrate and focus,josephine~

tarot card reading

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of
intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

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back again

few weeks din blog already.this is probably because i have a new blog but this new blog very personal so i not going to give the link to anyone.to those who found my blog ,i cant do anything about it.anyone those who found it must be strangers or those who dun know me at all.anyway,i not going to abandon this blog.just that the new blog is a place where i wrote some very personal stuff.hehe.well,my fyp still got no progress.mid term exam finally over but i still not motivated to start my work.perhaps tomorrow.wanna relax a while.been a bit stressful lately and not in a good mood.anyway,i am glad that i finally fine now.been sick quite frequently nowadays and i even lost some weight because of that.i not those type that will go diet because i am fat.i am happy with myself now so this losing weight kind of make me not happy about it.weird,right?outside people will say i very fat,lose weight is good but i dun think it that way.of course i dun want to get any fatter but i dun like this kind of lose weight because of sickness.i just want to be healthy.crossed fingers*fyp presentation is coming soon,luckily mine falls on the last day so i still got time to prepare for it.oh yea,went hiking today with my fren.really happie as i din go hiking for a very long time.i think it is ever since i learn how to play squash.it is good to sweat a bit but my stamina very bad.i feel tired after hike less than half way to the top.i glad that my fren was with me and being patient with me.seriously,i wanna keep in touch with my frens there as time is short.if dun keep in touch now,i probably see them next years as all of us will be going training.after hiking,i went dinner at subaidah.yummy,roti john hongkong.my fren treat me that.after that,i went to nurul's house.pass by mah so i tot dropped by her house for a while.chatted a while there as it has been a long time i went to their house as we din take same subjects anymore.have a great time there and came back home after that as i got no place to go also.anyway,i am really happy to go hiking and hangout in nurul's house.gtg now.sleepy!adios!

joe cheng and wu zun

happie

after such a long sleep,my body have rest enough and ready for challenges ahead.yea,i slept at 9 last night and woke up at 8 this morning.feeling very happy indeed.currently listening to my favourite song now.the soundtrack from the drama "summer x summer".kind of addicted to this drama till i havent study for my midterm yet which will be on 23rd august and not to mention the progress of my fyp is extremely slow.been driving a lot nowadays and i found it quite enjoyable especially driving at night and going around my house area,it creates a nice feeling.on fri night,i did that but somehow,i feel like talking someone on the car and cos cant find anyone,i decided to call my fren.he called me before that but din talk long as the line reception was bad in my room.There are so many things to talk about and after chatting,i feel relieved.the same feeling i had few years back when he was here ,studying in the same place with me.unfortunely,my good frens always never stay long beside me.fren comes and goes.luckily,with mobile phone,we still can keep in touch.Anyway,from that conversation,i discovered something i never realise before.something that has been bothering me since hols.Just glad i finally manage to clear the doubts on my mind.As for now,my main goal is to complete my fyp and graduate and enjoy life to the fullest.Before this,i have made some sacrifice of my time for the sake of my family and making myself moody all the time.My family especially my parents is always my priority and i dun mind giving up something because of them.Unfortunely,i was very wrong.My mum told me,i am still young,should do the things i like while i can and not sacrifice my youth time and become moody and worse thing,one of my family member doesnt even appreciate it.I was very down for the past two weeks as one of the person i love the most totally ignore me eventhough i have said sorry.It really hurts when the person u love ignore u,and worst still,it is one of ur family member.someone that u cant just disown or dumped that fella.I told myself,it is because her mind not yet mature but deep inside my heart,i know the truth and i just denying it.i felt really dissapointed and i cant even sleep on the night we fight and argue.Because of "kek sam" and falling sick ,i lost some weight also.unbelievable,right?i only gained weight and never lost weight before this except when i was in form 4.lost 2 kg in total which is a lot already to me.well,anyhow,i reliased i cant do anything and i cant think of a solution to the problem also.no point thinking ,i might as well live happily.

oh yea,currently,one of my new idol is joe cheng.strange,i simply love his hands.very nice indeed.hehe.and definitely his smile also.he has cut his hair short and i love both long haired and short haired joe cheng.love all his drama which are it started with a kiss and summer x summer.My favourite idol is still wu zun .recently,he opened his 2nd gym which is a very big one which includes basketball court ,swimming pool and many other facilities.loaned 10 million from the bank so u have the idea how big his gym is in brunei.i really admired this kind of attitude.doing ur own bussiness with your own effort without depending on ur family(his family is freaking rich).being involved in showbiz doesnt last forever thus those superstar should involved with something that u have interest in and can make money.one of the good example is jackie chan.he has his own fitness centre too which is california fitness.when i went to sunway pyramid two weeks ago,he opened another branch there.keep it up,jackie chan and wu zun!wah,my breakfast still havent finish.wanna concentrate on it now.ciao

cut hair and shaped eyebrow

holidays has come to an end and if u wanna ask how is my hols,well,all i can said is my hols are ok or so so only.I have been doing housework such as cooking and going to market.din go out with frens at all and i spend most of my time with my parents when they are around at home.good girl leh?hehe.well,something did happen during the hols.i have a huge fight with my younger sis.yup,u heard me correctly,it is FIGHT.not only argue but she beat me as well.It was really hurtful as i love my younger sis a lot.i told myself to forgive her and she is just a immature kid.i refuse to accept the truth.u see,i like to analyse people and from their actions,i know what kind of person they are.same goes with my younger sis.i was really dissapointed but like what my mum said,cant do anything,takkan disown her meh?there are other things happen as well but i dun wish to say it here.yay,the happy thing is i finally brought the car here to malacca.It took me a long time to persuade and convince my mum.Being a responsible daughter,i dare not take the car out much.wanna save petrol.besides that,i not that familiar with the roads also.i cant afford to let anything happen to the car.as long as no scratches,my mum said it is ok.anything,must inform her and i tried my best to be honest with her.The reason i brought this car is for my convinience when it rains or at night.this is what i told my mum and i always keep my word.Thus ,when she ask me not to go here and there ,i have promised her.well,i guess my fren din know about this and have been asking me to go here and there.midterm is coming,exams soon,fyp presentation also soon,i really dare not go here and there .scared if i failed,this will be the reason i failed...bring car and go here and there lepak.damn worried i cant pass or do well.been lagging behind a lot already in studies.stupid sore throat bothering me also.oh yea..went to cut hair and shaped eyebrow today.weather hot and my eyebrow is not nice cause people to bully me so i decided to ask the auntie to shaped it for me.my mum ask me to do embroidery (eyebrow permanent) like my elder sis.the cost is around rm400 last time my sis did hers.Mum agree to sponsor already but to me,it is not the money but i scared.damn painful one.i saw sparks the last time i went with my elder sis to do her eyebrow.i heard some people said if do not nice,instead of making life better,it become worse.that why i dun shaped my eyebrow permanently.at least,the eyebrow will grow back one if not nice of whatsoever.sleepy alreaDY.nitez!

weekend arrive!

yup,time pass really fast.finally i got hold of myself once again.problems solved except fyp.until now,i still havent fix the parameters of my BP network.been delaying it only.glad that there is one more lab left only.looking forward to go home next week.unfortunely,i wont be able to go back home early as i need to wait for my dad to come all the way to mlk to fetch me as i need to bring a lot of my stuff back home this time due to i will be moving out of my house end of this sem.so,gonna bring some stuff back.u have no idea how much the stuff i had in my room right now.like some kind of rubbish dump.well,something awaits me at home.yup,u got it right.it is a band new lcd tv waiting for me to launch!haha.not because my dad doesnt know how to install it,it just that i have the privillage to do it so right now,it is still in the box waiting for me to come back.back at home,in my room,i got a change of bed also as my double bed is damn old and this time,my parent's previous bed is mine now.hehe...actually,i been sleeping in double bed since from baby till 15 years old.change to single bed thanks to my younger sis and suddenly,last year,she wants my single bed so switch back double bed and right until now,still double bed.oh yea...i sleeping in single bed here in mmu.what to do?no money...i hate the mattress here also.again even though i bought the mattress here,it is also because wanna save money.come here in mmu only i realise how comfortable the bed in my house are.all provided by my beloved daddy,giving us the best.his birthday coming soon,planned to bring him out to "makan" as he loves food.miss him terribly.my dad is different from those strict looking dad.he loves to joke around like a small kid and his children all not scared of him but to me,i respect him and in my heart,he is always the best looking man.yup,love my daddy and my mummy very much
time to go class...come back here later

a fast turnaround

i dun know what is happening to me.i feel lost again.i dun know what to do or what i should do.i just feel like shutting down everything.gave up everything.i dun want to face reality.this kind of feeling really scares me deep down.i feel scared,very scared.it is like my world is getting darker and i am all alone standing on it.i have become scared of sleeping also.each time i asleep,there is a feeling of dun want to wake up again.yesterday,i took a nap and i din want to wake up but somehow,i become scared cos when i open my eyes,my room look so dark.i am afraid of the dark so i got up immediately.at that moment,i wonder what will happen if i never open my eyes and continue sleeping.it is the fear of dark that made me woke up.seriously,i just want to go home.staying here any longer will make me insane.really looking forward to go home next week.actually,i should feel happy because u were always there when i need u but unfortunely,i still feel lost eventhough u tried to help me.i do understand u have ur own life and cant always be there for me but there are times,i really need ur support.it really hurts when i think of the reality and the truth.i try to forget everything and continue with life but it is really not easy.i think it is something like "tou tou ai"feelings that can never exposed to the public.it will always remain in my heart.gosh,what am i talking about?no idea...lost lost in my own dark world!

as long as u stay beside me,it is enough

yup,repeating title.this is because this statement implies in my life right now.hehe.really happy today because "u" are finally back to my side again and u know what?it is really enough for me.i am not scared of anything as long as i know u are always there and on my side supporting me.thanks a lot,now only i know how important "u " are to me.u are the one who give me strength and courage.yay!indeed,i am full of strength now and once again,"u" are walking on my side along my journey.sometimes,i think i am being immature as i get angry with u easily,but this is because i care for "u" a lot.i hope we can remain like this forever and ever.hehe..

as long as u stay beside me,it is enough

i think this statement is very common but each and everyone got their own defined meaning of this statement.basically,it depends on u refer to who.your family,your frens or your beloved and etc.for me,it is definitely my family especially my mum.it is not that my dad is not as important as my mum,just that his role is not that into giving support to me in the aspect of life but he plays an important role as well.i still remember the time,he help me to wipe out the sweat on my shoulders when i was small till i was in form 2.i was always sick when i was small and my asthma will attack sometimes and my dad was the one take care of me.my childhood was a bit different from other child as i have been admitted to hospital before when i was about 4 years old.i still remember the experience up till now.there were holes on my tiny hand because of the injection and also tubes.i have even experienced putting those oxygen mask on my nose.i was very lucky to be alive.i hate to see doctors as i have no idea how many doctors i have see when i was small.i hate nurses too as during my stay at the hospital,those nurses were bad and show some kind of fierce look and those expression of them have stay inside my heart all this while thus creating hatred towards them.well,enough of those horrible experience and back to our topic.
yup,my mum is the one that always stay beside me and it is really enough for me.as for the special someone,currently,there isnt anyone in my heart yet.cant find anyone mah,what to do?no one wants me...sob sob..if u have read my previous post,i mentioned i was really dissapointed with someone and anyhow,i already forgot that person.yup,u hear me correctly,it was all in the past.i have been hanging on that person for a long time,approximately four years,tears i have been shed and all those things i have done ,it is all in the past and i dun wish to think of it anymore.totally erased from my life and this time,no more tears will be shed.i finally realised it is not worth it at all.i wanna live my life to the fullest and spend each day happily.ciao

finally get hold of myself again!

yup,after a long sleep,i feel very much better today compare the past few days.been sick almost a week already.ate medicine only till i sick of it plus those medicine make my body weaker somemore and always sweating.luckily,fever and flu gone and left only cough.hopefully,i will recover 100% and back to my old self again.i have to stand strong and face challenges ahead of me with full confidence.lying on the bed all this time has lower down my fighting spirit and somehow,my soul was taken away and thats why i feel down,scared,wanna give up and want to sleep forever.Right now,my soul is back with me and my mind ,my heart and my whole body gain back its strength to continue what i have started!go go!

tired in the aspect of mentally

if u notice ,i have been blogging quite frequently compare to last time.not because i have a lot of free time to blog but because i dun know where else to talk to so blogging is the best way to express myself.not much people will read my blog as i dun simply give my blog address to anyone because here lies 70% of me and my feelings and 30% is the secrets i kept inside my heart.been sick since monday and till now also not yet recover.i have being sick as there are lots of things i cant do.somehow,getting sick this time is a bit different from last time as i feel really tired.tired in the aspect of mentally.my mind has been fighting along all this while telling me not to give up and live each day happily but this time,my mind kind of lost its strength.there are times when i wanna give up everything but my parents and my frens were the ones that support me and make me stand up again but unfortunely,this time,there was no one.not even my parents.i dun blame them as they are very busy and they are so far away from me.i understand,seriously i do.just that i hate walking on this journey alone.there are so many things i have to do it myself and i kind of sick of it.i am just too tired to carry on.may i gain back my strength and confidence soon!

tou tou ai

those who understand mandarin,i sure u understand my title above means.have u been secretly loving someone?come to think of it,i been doing that for a very long time.i realised i never confessed my love to anyone before.not officially anyway.i think the three letter word is very hard to say it out especially from a girl to a guy she love.However,i always say "i love u" to my family members.it is not difficult at all as that kind of love is different.recently,i watched "hanakimi" and i noticed quan always touched ruixi's hair.it is a sign that the guy like the girl(according to a fren of mine)i never realised that at one time,there are a few people like to touch my hair.i wonder "u" really love me that much because u are the first to touch my hair.if got chance,i really wanna say "sorry" to "u" because i never mean to hurt u.i believe in fate so if we bump to each other again,i will say sorry to u.oh yea,currently,my latest idol is wu zun and fahrenheit also.what capture me to like wu zun is not just his good looks and cute face but it is his personality as well.though he came from a very rich family background(his family is in the top 10 richest family in brunei) but he never depend on his family financial to open his own fitness centre.all his money came from his own hard work and he borrowed money from the bank also for fitness zone.this is something i really admire about him.he is different from other artist too as his blog got two version that is mandarin and english version.but he usually wrote english version first(that means he prefer to use english)very considerate of him and i love the way he speak english also.i cant wait for fahrenheit's second album cos i decided to buy the original one.i love most of the songs on their first album.jiro's voice attracted me also.
anyway,dun know why my health deteriorate nowadays.caught flu and fever and monday and till now also,havent recover.haih.mum said i sick every single week.come to think of what she said,i found it is quite true also.first week,i got cough then my hand pain and now fever and flu.what is wrong?i have no idea.

it is over

i guess it is a sign that it is the end. i lost the thing u gave to me and i dun even know when i lost it.i dun know what to do but i know as time goes,all that remains is memories ...

silent thoughts

yea,after home alone for two days,i suddenly realise being alone is not that bad.you think i am weird,right?well,i dun care anymore what people think of me.it is only me in my own world of happiness.after all this while,i am like an alien in reality.i enjoy being alone in a quiet surrounding.somehow,i dun really like to talk also.dun misunderstood,it is not because of the drama series i watch "silence" but this movie makes me realise what i want to do.sometimes,i wonder what are the things i want to do if i am going to die.death is something most people fear but in my point of view,we dun know what will happen tomorrow.my second thoughts is to withdraw all my money out and spend it on food and other stuff i like.what is the first thing that come across my mind if i will die soon?yea,the first thing came up is my parents and i will do the things i never dare to do/said.For example,telling to that special person how much i love you and i want to hug you forever.And also to my crush as well about how much i hated you for making me suffer and cry at night.haha.sometimes,i think of the past and each time i think about my "po po",it still hurts though four years have passed.if i pass all my exams,i will graduate and how much i wish you were there.no matter what happens,you will always remain in my memories.i finally found back my goals.been lost for the past few days.i really miss home and i want to go home.miss my doggie also.cant sleep well cos think too much but i hope tonight,i will sleep well as i have determination to let go all the troublesome things.good nite!

lessons of life

i cant believe how long i din update this blog.yup,it is probably because of the engsoc blog last sem.i have learn a lot through experience and what i been through for the past few months.sad to say that i only saw sunset and i cant see sunrise.the clouds are probably overshadowing the sunrise.cant get my meaning?well,it is just to represent my thoughts.sometimes,i wonder what i did wrong.i am not perfect but there are some people who happens to be so damn hipokrit.people that claim to be my frens.if i recall correctly,i have a fren that is close to me at one time and this fren of mine use my weakness against me in the end.i treated that person as a fren and told some of my secrets and instead of understand,those stuff i said is used as a weapon against me.how time flies.one more year and if i am lucky and pass everything,i will graduate.i have the same feeling when i left mgs,and that is glad because i cant wait for this day to come.yea,some might ask me"will you miss your university life?"i dun deny there are happy moments but those sad moments overshadow everything.same goes with my school life.No one really understands me.i have told my frens some of my problems with the hope they will understand but instead in their mind,"oh,she is just one hell of a stressful girl"i still remember when dr lim mention students that face problem should take leave,and guess what?my frens pointed at me.i finally understood that in life,some things are not meant to be shared.it is ok,i learn something from that day.never trust anyone,except your parents.well,those are lessons i learn and i hope i will learn more as time passed.

at the staircase

me again.....

at the staircase...

me and my cousins

wedding dinner at heritage hotel ballroom

it is me...during the wedding dinner at night...