weekend arrive!

yup,time pass really fast.finally i got hold of myself once again.problems solved except fyp.until now,i still havent fix the parameters of my BP network.been delaying it only.glad that there is one more lab left only.looking forward to go home next week.unfortunely,i wont be able to go back home early as i need to wait for my dad to come all the way to mlk to fetch me as i need to bring a lot of my stuff back home this time due to i will be moving out of my house end of this sem.so,gonna bring some stuff back.u have no idea how much the stuff i had in my room right now.like some kind of rubbish dump.well,something awaits me at home.yup,u got it right.it is a band new lcd tv waiting for me to launch!haha.not because my dad doesnt know how to install it,it just that i have the privillage to do it so right now,it is still in the box waiting for me to come back.back at home,in my room,i got a change of bed also as my double bed is damn old and this time,my parent's previous bed is mine now.hehe...actually,i been sleeping in double bed since from baby till 15 years old.change to single bed thanks to my younger sis and suddenly,last year,she wants my single bed so switch back double bed and right until now,still double bed.oh yea...i sleeping in single bed here in mmu.what to do?no money...i hate the mattress here also.again even though i bought the mattress here,it is also because wanna save money.come here in mmu only i realise how comfortable the bed in my house are.all provided by my beloved daddy,giving us the best.his birthday coming soon,planned to bring him out to "makan" as he loves food.miss him terribly.my dad is different from those strict looking dad.he loves to joke around like a small kid and his children all not scared of him but to me,i respect him and in my heart,he is always the best looking man.yup,love my daddy and my mummy very much
time to go class...come back here later

a fast turnaround

i dun know what is happening to me.i feel lost again.i dun know what to do or what i should do.i just feel like shutting down everything.gave up everything.i dun want to face reality.this kind of feeling really scares me deep down.i feel scared,very scared.it is like my world is getting darker and i am all alone standing on it.i have become scared of sleeping also.each time i asleep,there is a feeling of dun want to wake up again.yesterday,i took a nap and i din want to wake up but somehow,i become scared cos when i open my eyes,my room look so dark.i am afraid of the dark so i got up immediately.at that moment,i wonder what will happen if i never open my eyes and continue sleeping.it is the fear of dark that made me woke up.seriously,i just want to go home.staying here any longer will make me insane.really looking forward to go home next week.actually,i should feel happy because u were always there when i need u but unfortunely,i still feel lost eventhough u tried to help me.i do understand u have ur own life and cant always be there for me but there are times,i really need ur support.it really hurts when i think of the reality and the truth.i try to forget everything and continue with life but it is really not easy.i think it is something like "tou tou ai"feelings that can never exposed to the public.it will always remain in my heart.gosh,what am i talking about?no idea...lost lost in my own dark world!

as long as u stay beside me,it is enough

yup,repeating title.this is because this statement implies in my life right now.hehe.really happy today because "u" are finally back to my side again and u know what?it is really enough for me.i am not scared of anything as long as i know u are always there and on my side supporting me.thanks a lot,now only i know how important "u " are to me.u are the one who give me strength and courage.yay!indeed,i am full of strength now and once again,"u" are walking on my side along my journey.sometimes,i think i am being immature as i get angry with u easily,but this is because i care for "u" a lot.i hope we can remain like this forever and ever.hehe..

as long as u stay beside me,it is enough

i think this statement is very common but each and everyone got their own defined meaning of this statement.basically,it depends on u refer to who.your family,your frens or your beloved and etc.for me,it is definitely my family especially my mum.it is not that my dad is not as important as my mum,just that his role is not that into giving support to me in the aspect of life but he plays an important role as well.i still remember the time,he help me to wipe out the sweat on my shoulders when i was small till i was in form 2.i was always sick when i was small and my asthma will attack sometimes and my dad was the one take care of me.my childhood was a bit different from other child as i have been admitted to hospital before when i was about 4 years old.i still remember the experience up till now.there were holes on my tiny hand because of the injection and also tubes.i have even experienced putting those oxygen mask on my nose.i was very lucky to be alive.i hate to see doctors as i have no idea how many doctors i have see when i was small.i hate nurses too as during my stay at the hospital,those nurses were bad and show some kind of fierce look and those expression of them have stay inside my heart all this while thus creating hatred towards them.well,enough of those horrible experience and back to our topic.
yup,my mum is the one that always stay beside me and it is really enough for me.as for the special someone,currently,there isnt anyone in my heart yet.cant find anyone mah,what to do?no one wants me...sob sob..if u have read my previous post,i mentioned i was really dissapointed with someone and anyhow,i already forgot that person.yup,u hear me correctly,it was all in the past.i have been hanging on that person for a long time,approximately four years,tears i have been shed and all those things i have done ,it is all in the past and i dun wish to think of it anymore.totally erased from my life and this time,no more tears will be shed.i finally realised it is not worth it at all.i wanna live my life to the fullest and spend each day happily.ciao

finally get hold of myself again!

yup,after a long sleep,i feel very much better today compare the past few days.been sick almost a week already.ate medicine only till i sick of it plus those medicine make my body weaker somemore and always sweating.luckily,fever and flu gone and left only cough.hopefully,i will recover 100% and back to my old self again.i have to stand strong and face challenges ahead of me with full confidence.lying on the bed all this time has lower down my fighting spirit and somehow,my soul was taken away and thats why i feel down,scared,wanna give up and want to sleep forever.Right now,my soul is back with me and my mind ,my heart and my whole body gain back its strength to continue what i have started!go go!

tired in the aspect of mentally

if u notice ,i have been blogging quite frequently compare to last time.not because i have a lot of free time to blog but because i dun know where else to talk to so blogging is the best way to express myself.not much people will read my blog as i dun simply give my blog address to anyone because here lies 70% of me and my feelings and 30% is the secrets i kept inside my heart.been sick since monday and till now also not yet recover.i have being sick as there are lots of things i cant do.somehow,getting sick this time is a bit different from last time as i feel really tired.tired in the aspect of mentally.my mind has been fighting along all this while telling me not to give up and live each day happily but this time,my mind kind of lost its strength.there are times when i wanna give up everything but my parents and my frens were the ones that support me and make me stand up again but unfortunely,this time,there was no one.not even my parents.i dun blame them as they are very busy and they are so far away from me.i understand,seriously i do.just that i hate walking on this journey alone.there are so many things i have to do it myself and i kind of sick of it.i am just too tired to carry on.may i gain back my strength and confidence soon!

tou tou ai

those who understand mandarin,i sure u understand my title above means.have u been secretly loving someone?come to think of it,i been doing that for a very long time.i realised i never confessed my love to anyone before.not officially anyway.i think the three letter word is very hard to say it out especially from a girl to a guy she love.However,i always say "i love u" to my family members.it is not difficult at all as that kind of love is different.recently,i watched "hanakimi" and i noticed quan always touched ruixi's hair.it is a sign that the guy like the girl(according to a fren of mine)i never realised that at one time,there are a few people like to touch my hair.i wonder "u" really love me that much because u are the first to touch my hair.if got chance,i really wanna say "sorry" to "u" because i never mean to hurt u.i believe in fate so if we bump to each other again,i will say sorry to u.oh yea,currently,my latest idol is wu zun and fahrenheit also.what capture me to like wu zun is not just his good looks and cute face but it is his personality as well.though he came from a very rich family background(his family is in the top 10 richest family in brunei) but he never depend on his family financial to open his own fitness centre.all his money came from his own hard work and he borrowed money from the bank also for fitness zone.this is something i really admire about him.he is different from other artist too as his blog got two version that is mandarin and english version.but he usually wrote english version first(that means he prefer to use english)very considerate of him and i love the way he speak english also.i cant wait for fahrenheit's second album cos i decided to buy the original one.i love most of the songs on their first album.jiro's voice attracted me also.
anyway,dun know why my health deteriorate nowadays.caught flu and fever and monday and till now also,havent recover.haih.mum said i sick every single week.come to think of what she said,i found it is quite true also.first week,i got cough then my hand pain and now fever and flu.what is wrong?i have no idea.

it is over

i guess it is a sign that it is the end. i lost the thing u gave to me and i dun even know when i lost it.i dun know what to do but i know as time goes,all that remains is memories ...

silent thoughts

yea,after home alone for two days,i suddenly realise being alone is not that bad.you think i am weird,right?well,i dun care anymore what people think of me.it is only me in my own world of happiness.after all this while,i am like an alien in reality.i enjoy being alone in a quiet surrounding.somehow,i dun really like to talk also.dun misunderstood,it is not because of the drama series i watch "silence" but this movie makes me realise what i want to do.sometimes,i wonder what are the things i want to do if i am going to die.death is something most people fear but in my point of view,we dun know what will happen tomorrow.my second thoughts is to withdraw all my money out and spend it on food and other stuff i like.what is the first thing that come across my mind if i will die soon?yea,the first thing came up is my parents and i will do the things i never dare to do/said.For example,telling to that special person how much i love you and i want to hug you forever.And also to my crush as well about how much i hated you for making me suffer and cry at night.haha.sometimes,i think of the past and each time i think about my "po po",it still hurts though four years have passed.if i pass all my exams,i will graduate and how much i wish you were there.no matter what happens,you will always remain in my memories.i finally found back my goals.been lost for the past few days.i really miss home and i want to go home.miss my doggie also.cant sleep well cos think too much but i hope tonight,i will sleep well as i have determination to let go all the troublesome things.good nite!

lessons of life

i cant believe how long i din update this blog.yup,it is probably because of the engsoc blog last sem.i have learn a lot through experience and what i been through for the past few months.sad to say that i only saw sunset and i cant see sunrise.the clouds are probably overshadowing the sunrise.cant get my meaning?well,it is just to represent my thoughts.sometimes,i wonder what i did wrong.i am not perfect but there are some people who happens to be so damn hipokrit.people that claim to be my frens.if i recall correctly,i have a fren that is close to me at one time and this fren of mine use my weakness against me in the end.i treated that person as a fren and told some of my secrets and instead of understand,those stuff i said is used as a weapon against me.how time flies.one more year and if i am lucky and pass everything,i will graduate.i have the same feeling when i left mgs,and that is glad because i cant wait for this day to come.yea,some might ask me"will you miss your university life?"i dun deny there are happy moments but those sad moments overshadow everything.same goes with my school life.No one really understands me.i have told my frens some of my problems with the hope they will understand but instead in their mind,"oh,she is just one hell of a stressful girl"i still remember when dr lim mention students that face problem should take leave,and guess what?my frens pointed at me.i finally understood that in life,some things are not meant to be shared.it is ok,i learn something from that day.never trust anyone,except your parents.well,those are lessons i learn and i hope i will learn more as time passed.

at the staircase

me again.....

at the staircase...

me and my cousins

wedding dinner at heritage hotel ballroom

it is me...during the wedding dinner at night...

joyce's wedding tea ceremony

my elder sis wedding.....she and her beloved hubby(leong)..me and her frens during the tea ceremony

never feel better

morning,what a wonderful monday morning with a damn good weather outside.With great music around me,seriously,i feel so happie and relax.i dun deny that i have been thinking about "you" lately on my mind ,wondering when i can forget all those past.I know it takes time but i am sure i can do it.i did it once and i am sure i can do it again.well,new year ahead and time to think ahead and put down the past,right?well,i cant wait to go back home to see my monster younger sis(though she is a monster and detroyer but i love her all the same) and my beloved parents and not to forget my beloved scottie.miss them so much though i only back to mlk for one week.you know what?i feel so happie now so i think i wanna keep everything as it is now.no more changes.yea,i clean my room at last.it looks very much better now.will upload some pic of it soon so stay tune!sayonara!

hello 2007

wow,cant believe how long i din blog here.another thing is this is my first post in the year 2007.yup,happy new year 2007 to the year og the pig.oink oink!oink oink!haha.new year,new resolutions of course.i hope to achieve all of the of course.brand new year,brand new start.well,exam passed and results out.i din do that well.haih.a lot of my frens did better than me.nevermind,to me,failure is just one of the step to success.aint going to give up.last sem,din do enough preparation because of elder sis wedding.cant do anything cos her wedding near to the final exam.oh yea,this year 2007,a new member join my beloved family.thats my bro in law(no longer future bro in law).well,nothing much about him.just a very tall(compare to my height)and mature guy.hometown is in kuala kangsar,working in kl.till now,i cant really accept him as a new member of the family cos it takes time for me to accept someone in the family.yea,i am a bit sensitive and very protective especially towards my parents.holidays has been really great,indeed a very relaxing one with my routine,wake up,sleep,eat and watch tv.i did went out once with my frens at night and my mum doesnt really like the idea.i bake a chocolate cake with chocolate layer at the top using cooking chocolate and it taste really good(according to my monster younger sis)i also spend some time to try to make chicken floss roll and it is just 50% success only.will ask other people on how to make it some other time.maybe my method is wrong.another thing is i fetch my sis back from school if she stayback.maybe some of you dun know that i cant drive well(it means i have driving license but cant take the car here and there)so it is an achievement.my mum mention that i can take the car there(woo hoo)but i told her not now cos i dun really see the necessity of bring it here.anyway,it means when i want the car,i can ask anytime and she will definitely allow.hehe....maybe on first sem on final year,that also if my house got parking.recently,i have a new housemate and he has a car so he parks the car inside of course.no parking,maybe i wont bring the car here cos i dun really like the idea leaving my car outside the house.though it is not my car and it is my parents,i think it is very selfish if i dun take care of it.hmmm....i feel very happy now cos the burden on my shoulder was very heavy before this and i let go of it.so it is very light and i feel really relax without have to worry so much.i not going to give the details here about it.before this,i have to worry about this and that and you know what?the strange thing is those are not even my problems.i tired of doing that and i cant stand it anymore.i think i did the correct thing by telling that person frankly not to bother me anymore with his problems.luckily now gone liao.aiks....time to go!

flashback

the year 2006 going to end soon.....bye 2006 and hello 2007...soonlah.somehow,this morning,sitting in front of my pc,i cant help it but think of "you".four years have passed(its really a very long time) but your image is still on my mind.those happy moments still very fresh on my mind.i still cant figure out what happen between you,me and our gang.i guess i will never figure that out.when was the last time i saw you?i think it is one year ago at tesco.you look at me and i look at you but none of us approach each other.how old are you now?ah ha..22...i knew you when you were 18 years old.i like the way you talked,your smile,your jokes.i think one of the happiest moment that you are in my mind is one day before i departed to melaka to further my studies in mmu.i still remember me,you,ch,yp, went to town pizza hut and you pay for our meal.then we met s.kean at kfc with san.we walked to the park and play under the rain.really like small kids.there we took some pictures(i still have them with me now..hehe)and we went jj after that.at the food court,we talk non stop and tease each other.i was really happy that time.no stress and no need to worry a single thing.how i wish those moments can come back but i know things changed.everyone went to a different path.all of you(km,sk,lsk,ch,yp,san) once walk with me in my journey and right now,all of you no longer there...but only memories remain.there is nothing i can do except i wish all of you obtain happiness.i cant predict the future but when i refresh back to my past,the memories i have with you all is one of the best i ever had and i have no regrets getting to know all of you.as the new year coming,i have few resolutions.firstly,wish my parents healthy always and secondly,hope to get good results in my studies and the list goes on.haha...thats all for now.sleepy liao

seduction style

woke up in the morning and realise...

when i woke up this morning,i realise we are from two different world insignificantly.our thoughts are completely different.we seldom agree on anything anymore.I guess both of us have change as the time passed.The past can never return and so is the feeling.You tell me your stories and i tell mine and we both listen only to what each other saying.i dun have anymore personal opinion when you tell me something.i just listen and listen.yup,this indicate my "mind" has won once and for all.and you know what?my heart starts to agree on my mind too.well,i guess it is time to move on.my journey of life still continues....and as i walk down the path,i am sure i will meet a lot of different people."You" once have walk with in the journey and now,you still do but just that not that close.there is a distance.for now,i still walking with my parents(nearest to me) while others are walking in a distance with me.However,i feel happy my parents were there..and as usual,the feeling of safety and happiness is there.thats all for now..

while walking on the rain

Something came out of my mind when i was walking on the rain today.somehow,i miss my family a lot.i wish to thank god for blessing them with good health.well,they are most precious treasure and the only ones that sincerely love me.When i have the ability to take care of them,i will protect them at any cost.I wont let anyone (not even my own family ) to hurt them in any way.I miss my grandma anyway,though it has been three years she left me .i know she is in a better place now,she has return to her lord,her saviour.i respect her for what she was,for everything she has done for me.the memory of her shall remain forever in my mind.As for my another grandma,i dun really wanna talk about her except she is a stranger to me.While i was walking on the rain,i thought of my life too.From positive to negative side.well,at that moment,i wish i have a car so that i wont have to walk under the rain with my umbrella(i still get wet).so charm...It reminds me what my fren told me the other day.this fren of mine din know how lucky she is.her life is kind of ok to me.father provide her with a car to go here and there,mum cooks at home,never have to budget herself and yet she complain about her family protecting her.she have no idea the life outside her own sweet home and hometown.she even do her training at her father's firm.i wonder she have any idea on working outside.Kids nowadays are very lucky.some stay at home during holidays without working.Parents over protective.Ended up,they dun know the tough world outside.Once they went to work after graduate,then only they realise how hard it is to earn money.well,i learn those kind of hardship of earning money quite early compare to others.It is not that i am not good in my studies or i am from a poor family,but my mother want me and my sister to be independant and learn something from working experience and indeed i have learn a lot.I have face complaints from customer and learn how to deal with them,manager asking me to go to his office(getting bullied) and i met all kind of people.oh yea,one more thing,punctuality.i notice a lot of people not punctual(my frens).i think the reason why is because they never realise the consequences.well,when you work,not punctual,consequences is severe.I am not complaining about my life,just that i have face some hardships which i know it is just the beginning and the journey is still very long but i count my blessings at the same time.before i went to bed,i wanna thank god for everything.nitez!